I really didn't want to crawl out of my bed this morning. The little dog and I had all the soft balnkets and we were so warm. I loved it. Now I'm sitting downstairs where it's freezing and the couch isn't as soft as my bed. For sure.
So last week I was way absent. I think I got in one post. If that. I really wanted to blog but couldn't find the energy to come and turn out an awesome post.
I was using all of my energy to keep myself from crying any given day last week. I was so stressed out that checking me into a rehab for a couple of days was starting to seem like a great idea.
When I get stressed I lose things. I lost a koozie that I love, makeup, my debit card, $60, a part of my hoodie, Teagan's lunchboxes, and who knows what else. Thankfully, I have found most of the things I lost. As the stress eases up, everything comes out of hiding.
Y'all know that Teagan's dad and I have a parenting plan and that we split her time with both of us. Although, I do have her the majority of the time. Last week was just a mess. There were things I really wanted Teagan to get to do with us and he didn't want her to because it interfered with his time. And he was kinda being a big douche about it. It wasn't just one thing that I was worried about, there were two important things that were going on in my little girl's life and I didn't know if she would get to go to either of them.
It's hard for me to relinquish control. I feel like everything needs to go the way I have it all set up to go. When I plan things for Teagan, they need to be exactly like how it's played out in my mind regardless of who is with her. And when things don't go my way I tend to freak out.
The problem here is that her dad doesn't want things to go my way. Partially because he has his own life and way of doing things and honestly I think partially just to piss me off. I just don't know how to let it go. I need to not let the things he does to bother me. I need to just go with the flow and smile. But it's so hard. So so hard.
How do I learn to let it go? Because if I freak out like I did last week for the next 12 years it's going to be a long life. How have you let the control go? Was it easy?