Thursday, February 6, 2014

Last Week

I really didn't want to crawl out of my bed this morning. The little dog and I had all the soft balnkets and we were so warm. I loved it. Now I'm sitting downstairs where it's freezing and the couch isn't as soft as my bed. For sure.

So last week I was way absent. I think I got in one post. If that. I really wanted to blog but couldn't find the energy to come and turn out an awesome post.

I was using all of my energy to keep myself from crying any given day last week. I was so stressed out that checking me into a rehab for a couple of days was starting to seem like a great idea.

When I get stressed I lose things. I lost a koozie that I love, makeup, my debit card, $60, a part of my hoodie, Teagan's lunchboxes, and who knows what else. Thankfully, I have found most of the things I lost. As the stress eases up, everything comes out of hiding.

Y'all know that Teagan's dad and I have a parenting plan and that we split her time with both of us. Although, I do have her the majority of the time. Last week was just a mess. There were things I really wanted Teagan to get to do with us and he didn't want her to because it interfered with his time. And he was kinda being a big douche about it. It wasn't just one thing that I was worried about, there were two important things that were going on in my little girl's life and I didn't know if she would get to go to either of them.

It's hard for me to relinquish control. I feel like everything needs to go the way I have it all set up to go. When I plan things for Teagan, they need to be exactly like how it's played out in my mind regardless of who is with her. And when things don't go my way I tend to freak out.

The problem here is that her dad doesn't want things to go my way. Partially because he has his own life and way of doing things and honestly I think partially just to piss me off. I just don't know how to let it go. I need to not let the things he does to bother me. I need to just go with the flow and smile. But it's so hard. So so hard.

How do I learn to let it go? Because if I freak out like I did last week for the next 12 years it's going to be a long life. How have you let the control go? Was it easy?

4 comments:

Savanna said...

Sorry you had a shitty week! I like to have control too... it's something I'm working on too.

Kerry @ Till Then Smile Often said...

So sorry it was such a rough week. It is really tough when you have to split your time and events fall on the others day. I think all you can do is explain why you feel it is important, ask if he wouldn't mind taking her and then if not let it go. Imagine if the roles were reversed and how you would feel. It is not an easy situation either way. Hang in there!

Kathy @ Vodka and Soda said...

i'm sure splitting time with your child is tough but the way i see it and based on what i hear from friends who have grown up in this situation, just roll with the punches....eventually, they'll adapt.

hang in there!

-kathy
Vodka and Soda

Amanda - Voyage of the MeeMee said...

I wish I had some good advice to give you but I've never experienced this firsthand. I've seen other people go through it though, and it always has seemed to me like the best way to deal with things is just to make the most of the time you DO have together. You may not get to do everything you want, but you'll still get to make a lot of memories! :)