Evolving

Do I get the award for most sporadic blog posting? I feel like I should.

I just seem to be actually living my life lately. I think about being here, but the moments have been more important than the internet. I'm really trying to find myself in terms of this blog. I don't know where I want it to go. I've been interested in a different kind of blog than I'd normally find myself reading.

I guess as I grow and develop I want this blog to grow and develop too. I feel like I need to find out who I am and what I should write about. I'll always be a lifestyle blog, but now it feels like the lifestyle I'm used to writing about is changing into a different kind. I don't feel that any of this is bad, I just don't know what to write.

Changes are always scary for me. I like everything to be the same as it was the day, week, month before it was. And sometimes it gets boring and monotonous, but then it isn't. When I do make a change with something I worry about if it's the right choice.

The topics that once seemed important to me, now aren't that much of a care. But the topics I feel are important just seem to personal to share. I never know how much is too much when it comes to telling the interwebs.

Life, it's a crazy thing.

Have you ever felt that your moments were moments that shouldn't be shared?

Personal Resolutions

First of all...this might be a little long. I'm sorry! I need to see this in writing so I can do what I say I will. I'm even going to have this printed and with me at all times. Here we go...

- I'm at my heaviest right now. I will loose weight this year. Yes, I do say this every year, but being at my heaviest, I'm going to do something about it. I'm done with this. I asked for a gym membership for christmas this year and I got one! I will start to exercise. I have to. My goal is to be two sizes smaller by June. That's 6 months. I can do that. That's plenty of time. I'm going to eat better. I'm still going to eat out, I can guarantee it. However, I won't do it as much as I do now. And my choices will be healthier. Yep, sometimes I'll cheat because dammit, a piece of chocolate cake is too hard to resist. My portions will be smaller. Hello kids meals! Plus I get a free toy - Score!

-  I'm going to become more organized. For my daughter and my mind. I'm tired of feeling lost and almost drowning because of our disorganization. I'm going to have monthly,weekly, and daily to do lists. I'll use one of my planners to keep track of this! See, having an addiction to paper/stationary/business supplies is a good thing. My monthly goals will still go up on here. I'll break them down to smaller goals for the week and complete them as a daily goal. Sounds a little confusing but I know what the hell I'm talking about. That's what matters.

Get more financially stable than I am now. Ha!,  I've got a ways to go. I'll miss shopping.
 - Pay half of my credit card off. I would like that to happen by June as well, but November is ok too.
 - Put $30 a month into my savings. I have the money transferred every pay day but sometimes I have to take it back out.

Get my ass in a different vehicle! Or at least make mine cheaper. I'm tired of shit being wrong with my car all the time. If I can pay less for it though, I can save for a down payment on another car. All I've got right now is my trade in value (I'm upside down already) it's not very much.

Do a load of laundry a week. I know that this doesn't sound like much but I hardly ever do laundry. It's terrible I know. It's just so time consuming when you have as much as I do right now. If I could get it all done it wouldn't be that bad.

Buy birthday cards for those close to me at the beginning of each month. My grandma does this and I've always admired it. Who doesn't like mail, especially when it's not a bill. People will feel great and so will I, I love giving people things and I love cards.

Have "me time". That might sound a little selfish, but really it's not. Once a month I will do something by myself for myself that I makes me feel good. Hair, manicure, pedi, shopping trip, who knows! I will get up early enough to have quiet time in the morning. I'm going to follow this schedule for sure. I just don't know if I will add more time to it. =)

Read one book a month. At least. From my book list because someday I'd like to get it done. I'll do another post about it in early January. Who even remembers what I put on that shit.

Family Resolutions

Make a photo book for 2013. I'm going to try and make one of 2012 in the beginning of the year.

Start the little's birthday interview/first day of school book.

 Have a girl's night with mini me once a month. Dinner where ever she picks, then a fun activity for us to do. Sounds great!

I Wanna Know!

Ladies and good sirs, I want an opinion please. And an honest one. We're all bloggers so honesty is a must around here! lol.

What do you guys think of bloglovin? I joined it and claimed my blog, but I don't know if I like it. I don't need to have two different feeds. That just seems like a lot of work too me. I like GFC and that's how I follow people for now. But what about my followers who don't really like it and use bloglovin? Does anybody even use it? I searched for a couple and couldn't find any that I followed from GFC.
And finally, it is pretentious? I kind of felt like it. But it's also new to me and I hate change. Whatever. Let me know please!

Bitter/Sweet

My cheese ball

I told you guys that I have shared custody of my child. Beyond that....you don't know much else.

My baby has spent her 4 entire years on this planet with me or people that I choose her to be with. In those years, this wasn't her dad very often. Not on my part, but his. Now, I'm not talking trash, nor am I going to. If I was, this post would be a lot longer.

The agreement that we came to (with the help of our attorneys of course) was every other weekend and a certain night of the week would be his time. And during the summer she would live with him for a week and with me for a week.



I look terrible...I know.

Let me tell you how hard it is. I never spent a week away from her. EVER. And then last week she had to go. I told you it was bittersweet and it truly is. I hate that for a week, she isn't around me. I hate not knowing what is going on and how she is. Of course I can always call, but that doesn't give my momma brain a piece of mind. That gives my heart some reassurance but not my brain. A week without seeing her hurts. I'm lonely during that week. I play it off like I'm not, but if you look at my camera on my phone you could tell. I spent last week taking 35903595348 pictures of my dog. I don't have anybody to play with, laugh at, or just to get on my nerves. And it sucks.

But yeah, it's kind of nice. I'm young and while she's away...mommy may play. Now don't go thinking I get all crazy and pull out the shortest dresses I own and skank it up at my local sleaze bar. I'm not that kind of parent. lol. But I sleep in, I eat what I want when I want to, I watch adult television and say saynora to nickelodeon and Disney for a week. And it feels great. I do what I want when I want to.

But I still miss her soooo bad. I'd give anything to have her at home. I'd watch a million Dora's if it meant that she could hang out with me. A week isn't very long. But it is when your heart hurts and you miss somebody.

Mother's Day 2012

When she comes home, she isn't herself. It takes her a couple days to get back to Teagan. She's never quiet and she hates to listen, but she does those things when she comes back. It takes most of the week to get the old Teagan back. And then in a blink of my eyes she's gone again. Plus, during that week we have so many people she needs to see. Because it's true that it takes a village to raise a child. And of course my village has missed her too. And now I'm working so time won't be spent how I want it to.

As I've gotten older I've started to not care for Summer. Now, I really don't like it. Each day the sun is up longer....and it reminds me of the time that she won't be around. I won't be looking forward to Summer anymore. My heart goes away during this time of the year. I look forward to Fall when we spend more time together and I don't have to give her away every other week.

I know it's good for her to see him. I just don't think it's healthy for anyone to live at a house at a week at a time though. Can you imagine how much that sucks? I know I wouldn't like it. I know she doesn't like it. She does love her daddy though. I know that she is happy over there, but I don't believe she is happy with the situation.

There's so much more I could tell you...but this seems all for now. Such a serious post for the almost end of our week. But, she leaves me again today. And so for now it's all on my mind.

Best Decision I've Made Yet

Would be to quit my job at Pizza Hut.

check.

That's right. Today I successfully ended a 4 year relationship with my employer.

Well, I don't know if successfully is the right word.

Just what made me feel good.

Whatever.

Yes, I know that technically this should be a post about my vacation...but this is

really like a new  vaction. Ha.

I'm just trying to find excuses.

No, boyfriend's internet is suckyyy and I have to do it after

1 am because there are too many pictures.

See, we have a download allowance and after you go over the allowance

the internet goes off. And you have to sell your soul buy more internet.

And then I get in trouble.

I'll work on it later. Promise.

Anyway, I now am jobless. I've had a job for 4 years and I'm only 21.

This is weird for me.

It feels like a new change and I so need that.

It's a new chance to find myself.

Please feel free to follow along on my first jobless train in along time. There will

be ups and down but hopefully it will be worth it in the long run.

and p.s.

I feel so much better already!

 



Everything Changes

....this blog included.

Do you ever look in a mirror and think god I need to change something before something bad happens? Well, my blog did that. Yes, it looked right at me and said bitch....out with the real you and stop hiding behind your computer screen. lol.

No, but what really happened is that I found a blog that speaks to my soul. Everything I read in it was everything that is me. You know how you have that one blog that you're just absolutely in love with and you spend all your time reading it from the very beginning? No? Oh, is that just me? lol. Anyway...I found one of those. Raven over at A Momma's Desires and Pacifiers is my blogging soul mate. Like for real. Lol. And yeah, she knows I'm talking about her because I asked her last night if I could. So ha!

Now, I love all the blogs that I follow for sure! Hers is just what fits me right now. So lovely readers...don't worry your pretty little faces because I will for sure still be reading about your lives too!

My writing style might change a little bit. I might not talk about as much happy stuff as I normally do. I'm going to try and be more me.

And for once in my life...I'm sorry that I'm not sorry. Gawhhh I hate that saying. I can't believe I just used it!

So...come around for some new good stuff because you can bet your sweet ass that it's still gonna be some good stuff!