A Major Question

Sometimes, I wonder if I"m the mom who's fucking up more than the others. Wednesday was one of those days.

I had decided to make a pot roast in my crockpot for dinner. I pumped myself up about it quite a bit. Not to mention, it was kind of expensive. Geez, I don't eat much beef and therefore, didn't know how much money I would be shelling out for a roast! So I started cooking in the morning and went about my day like normal. Except the smell wafting through my house was great and I kept peeking at the roast. Teagan came home and it was getting to be dinner time. I checked the roast while Teagan was outside playing, and lo and behold, something wasn't right with it. I was pissed. I wasted all day, some extra money I had, and didn't have anything to show for it. I said something to my mom and she told me to calm down, which in turn made me more upset and off to my room I went, crying and feeling sorry for myself. A few minutes later, in comes my little girl. She sits down on my bed and starts to rub my back. And she says the wisest, most mom like thing to me. " It's not ruined mama. My teacher always says that nothing is ruined if you try your hardest. You need to at least try it." And my jaw fell to the floor.

In that moment, I wondered, who was the mom in this situation? Me, the 23 year old, emotional, hot mess, or the sweet 6 year old sitting beside me on the bed? Had I messed up that bad, that my daughter knows that I've prone to tantrums when I've messed up? Is this something my child should even be seeing? I tore myself down for a few minutes. And then pretended that all was well. For her sake. I don't feel like she should see me that way. That's how society makes us feel. That we need to hold it together all the time for everybody else around us. We need to take care of everyone else, and not worry about ourselves. I sat and asked myself all these questions, with answers that made me sound like the worst parent in the history of parenthood.

And that's when I realized, I've been doing a pretty good damn job of helping this little girl grow up. She came to make me feel better when she knew I was upset. She came to encourage me, when I didn't think that I could continue on. I realized that I was the one that helped her learn to do this. I've always told her that she shouldn't be afraid to help people and to be nice to them. I've made it a great point in her little life. I taught her that she should act how she would want others to treat her. All these positive traits she was showing to me, was just the kick in the ass I needed to quit wallowing in my not entirely perfect dinner. It was still edible. Just not how I thought it should be.

And as for my daughter, knowing and seeing that I got upset about something trivial, well that's not the worst thing that could happen. Yea, I don't want it to happen a lot, but she needs to know that sometimes a good cry and a back rub from somebody you love, can help you out immensely. It can make you feel a thousand times better than before. I'm showing her that it's ok to feel passionately about something. Whether that something be dinner or the injustice she sees in the world. Just feel passion.

I'd say, I'm doing this right. For now anyway.
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Life Lately (july)

Just when you finally start to not remember this blog, I come back.

Heeeeey.

Since I don't even know where to start I'll just give you a glimpse of what I've been up to lately according to my phone's camera lens.

warning, this is kind of pic heavy. sorry for your eyes.

These are in no particular order

I celebrated my wife's birthday. Not just once, but three times! The weekend  before we had a bonfire. I got to play nurse/mom. Have you ever had a drunk nurse? You don't want one. On her birthday we went to a nice dinner and then had a mini girls' night with some friends. The weekend after we went to JB's Piano Bar. It's a dueling piano bar and I always have such a great time when I'm there. Which until recently, had only been twice. This time I volunteered to be dd because I had to work the next day. When did I grow up? 

I spent time with this spitfire little girl. Oh man, she's growing and changing more everyday. She seems more and more like a mini adult. It needs to stop. She even told me I wasn't cool. Apparently there's a dance to "Turn Down for What". Well, at 23 years old I officially don't give a shit about new dances that go to club music, therefore I didn't know it. But they played the cha cha slide and I told her I knew the dance to that and she informed me that she "Didn't care. It's not cool." Pshhh what does she know.

I got a trim. I meany my my hair got cut off. then I decided to shock everybody and have it straightened. I thoguht you needed a bathroom selfie. I'm so good at this blog thing. It doesn't look to short, but that's because I had nothing to compare it to. But I miss it a lot. I need it to grow out quickly please.

I've spent a lot of quality time with this lady. God I love that dog.

And the majority of the time was spent working. I've worked a lot (for me) lately. And most of the time it's goofing off. Proof with the pretty unicorn cone cups. I hope she never sees the most embarrassing picture of her ever. 

Last night Blake, Teagan, and I had a nice little date night. Then this morning I had the perfect opportunity to capture pictures of this handsome fat boy. Personally, I think they're pretty good for an iphone. Loooove.

Has your life been good lately? Tell me about it.

The Cell Phone Story

Oh man. Why is is the littlest things that cause us the most trouble. As y'all know, I got a new phone a couple weeks ago. But first let's back up a couple of weeks.

There was one Thursday night that Wife and I went out. When we got home we hung out with my mom and I accidently dropped my phone. Whoops! I do it all the time so I wasn't too worried about it. I should have been more worried about it. My phone now looked like a weird ass spider web. Yay for broken phones.
I wasn't too worried about it because I knew that my contract was up soon.

My face when I realized what happened

So, I go to AT&T like a week later and decide to not get a new phone at the time. Blake and I were going to start our own plan. Like adults because I guess that's what adults do and stuff. I was fine with mooching off people for awhile. Like a damn child, because secretly I am one.

Our plan was to wait a week or something. So we wait. And now I'm at the two week point and dammit-I-just-want-a-phone-without-a-spider-web-screen and nobody has made this possible yet! We go to the Sprint store (who I'm not a fan of so far. AT&T forever) and decide that we're gonna do this. By now it's Wednesday, one day short of 3 weeks with a shitty screen. We get all set up to start our own plan when Sprint says that Blake can't just leave his parent's plan and has to have their permission or something like that. Why does he need permission? Why? I was irritated.

We agree that on Thursday I'm gonna get a new phone and for real this time!

Wednesday comes around and I'm cooking dinner for me and Teag and texting to my little heart's content.I put my phone down and continue to cook dinner. I sit down and start eating and I realize I must have left my phone in the kitchen. No big deal. After we get done, I decide to look for it. Only to realize that I had no fucking clue where it was. We searched our house for 5 hours looking for my phone. I used every method I could think of to try and find it. It didn't matter, we couldn't find it. And to this day I still have no clue where it's at!

I go all night Wednesday and all day Thursday without said phone. Not a big deal. It was kind of a big deal. Thursday night finally rolls around and I meet Blake at the Sprint store (who I hate by the way) and we get all set up and ready to roll. I'm pumped to have a phone again but even more pumped that it's newer than what I had. I go home and set it all up. Then it comes time to restore my backup from my old phone. I start this long tedious process and drift off to dreamland. I wake up in the a.m. fully prepared to have a great day with my new phone. I can't though. My new phone froze in the process of loading. I just got a new phone and it already didn't work. I was pissed. I drive up to the Sprint store and they swap it out for free (because I sure as shit wasn't paying for it) and everything is dandy again. I have a phone that works, I'm headed to my local Sephora because it's brand new and they're having a grand opening with a free sample bag. I'm on cloud 9 right now.

I get in my car, start it up, just to realize that the transmission is done...

About That Week...

So I already explained why last week was horrible. And sometimes you think that things can't get worse. But they can.

In a laugh-about-it-because-it's-over kind of way. lol.

Last week I was on route to the hospital. I was just jammin down the interstate listening to some Luke (of course) when I go to turn my blinker on to get in the other lane. And you know what happened? The blinker stick thing broke right in half. It fell off and went flying to the floor. My jaw just dropped. Like wtf, is this some real shit? I wasn't impressed. So I took the first exit I could (mind you I had just left my house so this exit has only gotten me to the other side of my tiny town) and call my grandma. Who proceeds to LAUGH AT ME. Only because I was being overly dramatic though. But that's what I do. So she gets me all calmed down and I figure out that I can put said stick back on. But I have to hold it for it to stay. No biggie. I got this. I'll get it fixed but I don't know when.

please excuse my dusty, dirty ass car.

Later on in the day, I was on my way home from taking Teagan to cheer practice. We were looking for big puddles to drive through because it had just rained and she wanted to get splashed. We eventually found one in a parking lot down the road from our house. Just as I'm getting to the puddle, I notice a cop going around the corner really slow. I decide to tell Teagan that we should just go home because the cop is watching us. She happily obliges (thank god, that never happens). As we pull in the driveway I notice that there are two officers parked in between my house and the neighbor's house. I figured they were there for them. No biggie. I start to get out of my car and the nice gentlemen walk over to me. I happen to know both of them. I worked with one forever at Pizza Hut and I went to school and was good friend's with the other's brother. Anyway, they come up to my car ask me how I'm doing and what not then get on with the point. I had a suspended license. I forgot to pay my fine for speeding in the swaggin' wagon. Oops. So at this point I'm trying to keep Teagan calm and convince her that I'm not in a lot of trouble and everything is going to be ok. I take her in, but of course they have to come. I explain to my mom what was going on and kindly get escorted to the police station. Sans handcuffs thank god!

All in all, I had to spend an unexpected $300 that I didn't really have. I can't drive and I work doubles all weekend long. I was pissed. I had a fight with the town I got the speeding ticket in about whether or not I had a warrant anymore, obviously I didn't seeing as how I was taken in for it the night before.

I spent 6 days having to be chauffeured around and it was incredibly shitty. On top of all the other things going on in life. I can look back now and laugh but it added an extra stress on top of the already shitty week I had last week. But at least I can drive now! I called yesterday morning "to see if they got my paperwork" yet. And she said yes! And told me I was reinstated. So of course I went shopping. Which is another story for another day.

Longest week of my life is over and I can't be more happy!

Life Lately

Spring Break was last week and so I was absent. I mean, I don't get a spring break anymore but I figured it was just as good a reason as any. That and I really had nothing to say.

I figured I'd just update your pretty faces about what's going on right now. Because I'm so exciting like that.

- Spring weather was around a little bit last week. It was a glorious sight. But that winter bitch stole her thunder and just came right back in our lives. I went and got my first pedicure of the season because ya know, when the flip flops come out I want to have beautiful feet. Unfortunately, nobody has gotten to see the prettyness that are my feet yet. Womp womp. That also means that I shaved my legs. That's a big deal around these parts. I hate shaving.

- The prettiest princess in the land turned 6. I can't believe that we've made it 6 years and haven't tried to kill each other. Another post on that to come this week. Hopefully. No promises.

- I've watched Frozen at least a dozen times. I just love it so much. We sing the songs at work to annoy one manager and it's hilarious. It's such a good movie though. And for once Disney isn't shoving a man saving a woman down little girls'  throats. It's a nice change.

- Blake and I did something exciting as a couple and got our first joint credit card. It's to Sam's/Walmart and it's so we can buy a gazebo. Because everybody needs one of those. Or an island. A floaty island that is. They're cool as fuck!

- Pinterest and I have become soul mates again. We broke up for a bit but we're joint at the hip now. I have one pin that got over 100  repins. I was impressed. Too bad it wasn't something to do with my blog.

But of course it was a Sons one.

- Since spring is around the corner (I hope) I've been lusting over sandals. Mostly I'm a flip flop girl but these damn sandals this season are fucking awesome. I love the ankle ones the most. This will be the first pair I get. They'll probably be heavy as shit so maybe my legs will get toned wearing them. I just have to decide what color. They come in gold, black, and white. I'm thinking the gold.

That's it kids. Not much has been going on that I can blog about. One day though, I'll have the longest post ever explaining more about what's been going on. Happy Monday!

Last Week

I really didn't want to crawl out of my bed this morning. The little dog and I had all the soft balnkets and we were so warm. I loved it. Now I'm sitting downstairs where it's freezing and the couch isn't as soft as my bed. For sure.

So last week I was way absent. I think I got in one post. If that. I really wanted to blog but couldn't find the energy to come and turn out an awesome post.

I was using all of my energy to keep myself from crying any given day last week. I was so stressed out that checking me into a rehab for a couple of days was starting to seem like a great idea.

When I get stressed I lose things. I lost a koozie that I love, makeup, my debit card, $60, a part of my hoodie, Teagan's lunchboxes, and who knows what else. Thankfully, I have found most of the things I lost. As the stress eases up, everything comes out of hiding.

Y'all know that Teagan's dad and I have a parenting plan and that we split her time with both of us. Although, I do have her the majority of the time. Last week was just a mess. There were things I really wanted Teagan to get to do with us and he didn't want her to because it interfered with his time. And he was kinda being a big douche about it. It wasn't just one thing that I was worried about, there were two important things that were going on in my little girl's life and I didn't know if she would get to go to either of them.

It's hard for me to relinquish control. I feel like everything needs to go the way I have it all set up to go. When I plan things for Teagan, they need to be exactly like how it's played out in my mind regardless of who is with her. And when things don't go my way I tend to freak out.

The problem here is that her dad doesn't want things to go my way. Partially because he has his own life and way of doing things and honestly I think partially just to piss me off. I just don't know how to let it go. I need to not let the things he does to bother me. I need to just go with the flow and smile. But it's so hard. So so hard.

How do I learn to let it go? Because if I freak out like I did last week for the next 12 years it's going to be a long life. How have you let the control go? Was it easy?

Forgive Yourself

It's early November so everybody is updating their goals on their blogs. And I enjoy when they do that. But occasionally it gets me down. See, I told myself a couple months ago that I wasn't going to my goals post. Whenever I Make goals, I never seem to follow anything to get them done.

And it gives me all the sads.

I go in with great intentions but a week later I'm just like yeah whatever. And when I don't complete them I start to beat myself up about it. I don't hold myself accountable enough to complete them. And even though I don't hold myself accountable to get them done, I expect too much out of myself. I don't know how to distinguish between the two.

There's nothing worse than feeling like you let somebody down, except for the feeling of letting yourself down. I give myself anxiety over it sometimes. I tell myself that I'm gonna have half of my Christmas presents bought by the middle of November and I'm nowhere near close. And i was in full panic mode about it for about two weeks. I was stressing myself out and telling myself that I just suck at life.

I don't know how to set goals and go through with them without putting too much pressure on myself to get them done. But I don't even try to get them done half of the time. It's a vicious circle and I don't know what to do to stop it.

I don't even know if this makes any sense or if I'm rambling and talking in circles. I just know that hating on myself for not getting things done is starting to get really old. And I know that not getting things done is getting old too.

So I have a plan. A very small minuscule plan because I don't want to take on too much at one time. If I start at the bottom maybe I can get there.

I'm not gonna talk about it because I don't want to put the pressure on myself too much right now. Just know that I'm starting small. And someday, I'll get to where I want to be.

Funk

I'm in a blog funk guys. I have so much to write about but at the same time I don't want to write anything. My other social media sites are suffering too. I don't know why but blogging isn't fun right now. It feels like a chore/task and I don't want it to be that way. It makes me really sad to feel this way. I love my readers (if there are any, because lately we've not seen many people) sooo much and I don't want to let you guys down by not being here. But at the same time, I don't want you guys to read my "I couldn't think of anything else blah" half-assed posts. I also haven't been commenting or reading that much either. =(

So, if I'm not around for awhile, or I only post a couple times a week, I'm sorry. I've got some soul searching to do.

I can't find a niche for my  blog and it makes me sad. =( I need something that is me to draw people in and I don't have it. And that's what really seems to be my problem. At least in my head.

I do know that I won't be here tomorrow. Trixie has already told me that she is guest blogging whether or not I want her to and I need to back up. So look forward to that! And Thursday won't be empty either.I'll be here with a goals post. Although, I can't think of any goals as of today.

I think it's more than a blogging funk. It's a life funk. See, my birthday is coming up. Yep, it's my birthday month and every February I start to feel down. I start to feel like I'm getting older and my life isn't what I had planned on it being like. At times, I feel like a loser.

This is really just a shitty feeling down post. Sorry if you read it all. Blah.

Mumbo Jumbo

Hey hey hey. I honestly never know how to start out a post. Idk. I've never been good at introductions or conclusions. I mean as in the writing sense of the word. yeah.... I just rambled. lol. I have a lot to talk about today. I've been trying to think of one topic to blog about all morning but I couldn't. So today you get the rambling mambo jambo that is my life.

First things first....I got started on my Halloween costume!!!! I'm super pumped. Andddd...it's not even October yet. I always wait until Oct. 30 to put it together. Not this year kids. And I got my kiddo's costume already too! Go me.
See yesterday I went shopping with my wife. Now that is just bad news right there. I just get this "spend money rush" when I'm with her. She brings out the shopaholic in myself but that's ok. Because I hadn't boughten anything for myself in awhile. Yeppers. We're gonna be a slutty bride and groom. I'm the groom because it was her idea so she gets to be the bride. Halloween is our holiday. We always spend it together. Wanna see what I've got so far? I'm not sure I really wanna show you guys though. Hmmmm. I'll email you a pic if you ask. I'm so not putting it up here yet.
The kiddo is gonna be a kitty cat. Her costume is so cute! I'm excited.
Halloween also happens to be my anniversary. Yep....we're those people. Except it was a complete accident and that's just how it played out. I promise we won't be getting married on Halloween if we ever get married! Three years...what should I get him? I don't have a clue yet.

On to my second point...Are ya looking for a good crying movie? Rent The Ledge. Not Man on a Ledge, just The Ledge. I watched it yesterday and oh my...it really had me thinking. Like wow. It's really good and has a small cast. Liv Tyler, Patrick Wilson, Terrence Howard, and Charlie Hunnam. (yummy). It does dabble in religion. If you have a problem with people doubting Christianity I don't recommend it. It's not all about religion but it is a main part of it. It's deeper than that though. If you want your mind blown just go rent it. Or am I the only loser who still rents movies? I mean all y'all have Netflix but I don't really dig it. lol.

 

 

Come back tomorrow and check out the loot I scored from the fall swap I did! And come back again Thursday for progress on my weightloss/skinny goals. Have a great Tuesday!

Pretty Little Letters

It's weird to write a post. I had today's post written yesterday. I feel a day behind. lol. I haven't done Friday's Letters in a few weeks, so I decided I would.

Dear School, I can't believe that we are already at the end of our third week. WTF? Where did the first two go? Please slow down a little. I still haven't gotten a routine out of you. Grrr.

Dear Girl at Work, I love you but hold the fuck up. This is 2 Saturdays in a row that you've asked me to take your hosting shift. I don't mind but I do. I need the hours, so it's ok. But don't go getting all used to it. I don't want this to become a weekly thing. I'll be working another double this Saturday when technically I should only be working the morning shift. Please please please don't ask next week. I think you're pretty awesome and can't/shouldn't tell you no.

Dear Work, I know that I can't really write a lot about you on here. Just know that I'm working all these hours and extra shifts to prove that I want things. Things like more hours and maybe hopefully to crosstrain early next year. You can be a pain in the ass and some people there really need to get in check and stop being assholes. If only I had the balls to call them out.

Source: someecards.com via Miss Angie on Pinterest

Dear Auntie, I'm so sorry for everything going on. I don't know why life is being so hard on you right now and it's complete bullshit. I would wipe all this ish away if I could. Just know I'm always hear to talk. I love you.

Dear Self, You actually accomplished 3 posts this week! If only everything else could go as smooth. It would be great. Take a look at your inspiration board on Pinterest more often.

Dear Fall, I'm glad you're around the corner! But you should have been here like ummmm.... 6 days ago. At least in my book. I hope you come in fast and strong though.

Source: via Amanda on Pinterest

Dear Readers, I love each and everyone of you!!!! Please comment more. lol. I love comments. Love the interaction with you guys. I want to know you better!!!! And I'm sorry I haven't been very funny lately. I seem to be funnier when life is smoother. I really like my kinda funny posts better.

Dear Cowboys, You did it!!!! You beat the reigning Super Bowl Champs. WOOT!!! Now, keep this shit up all year. I mean you Mr. Romo. Don't start throwing the games at the end like last season. I'm not kidding. Why does Jerry Jones even like you? Blahh.

Dear Weekend, yay for you! Although I work a double Saturday....hooray for you! I get Sunday off and that fucking rocks. I'll be at a wedding that day. Hopefully I take a lot of pictures. This is the boyfriend and I's first wedding together. Free booze and food...I'm down. I mean I'm happy for the couple...but I don't really know them. They belong to the boyfriend. He works with them. Anyway weekend...be relaxing.

Source: patriciaannminners.blogspot.com via Patty on Pinterest

On that note...I'm out of here kiddies. Busy day....See ya on the flip side!

 



A Post

Hey kids, remember me? I won't be surprised if you don't! Sorry for being such a bad blogger. I'm about to tell you all about it. But I have a couple of fun things to talk about first.

I finally placed an ad on somebody's page! The wonderful Stephanie over at Bourbon and Glitter said that she would be oh so kind enough to let me have a little ad over at her space. I really like this girl! It was love at first Empire Records mention! Yeah, I'm easy. Hahaha. Kidding. She was so sweet about it though. She told me that I didn't have to post her button back. But I'm going to. If I can just figure out how. Anybody want to help? I'm not the kind to not return the favor. So....somebody anybody please help me out here! I really want to learn how to put her wonderful little button on my page.

My munchkin started school this week! This is her last year of preschool. I can't believe it. I know it's a stupid cliche but time does really go by fast! Next year I will have a kindergartner. And I learned that she's not really a munchkin. She's HUGE compared to the other kids in her class that are the same age. I mean taller and more stout. It's crazy. Kid needs to stop growing. Like yesterday. She doesn't have any problems with school thank goodness. She just goes right in and does what she's supposed to. Her teachers love her! That's enough bragging on my kid for now though. Just know....I love her.

I haven't been around a lot this week...this I know. I could have been but all I would have been doing is wining whining. I've had a pretty rough week. And I don't like to bother anybody with my problems because everybody has problems of their own. It's really kind of suckish to feel that way because it means I keep everything bottled inside of me. But I really don't want people to think that they need to worry about me because everybody has something else they need to worry about. People tell me all the time that it's ok, but it's not. Not in my opinion. I don't want somebody to think that I feel my problems are a bigger concern then theirs. The only people who really know how big our problems are happen to be ourselves and the ones up above.

I'm going through a huge funk. I've decided that I'm going to see a dr....I just really put that out there for the whole damn interwebs to read. Wow. I want need to be a happier person. Even if it's only for myself. I can't keep living miserably. I don't know how I've let myself get this far along, I wish I would have changed it along time ago.

So...one thing I will tell you about my shitty week is that my car broke down. AGAIN. Seriously. (yes, I say seriously like they do on Grey's Anatomy) It also broke down three weeks ago. Have I mentioned that I got royal screwed when I bought this car? Well, now you know I did. I pay an outrageous amount of money for it and it breaks every three weeks. And I'm not a person who can handle being without a car very well. I hate depending on others because I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. And as I said earlier, people have other things they need to do than get me places. I feel like a burden. We took it to the mechanic two days ago and the mother fucker hasn't even touched it yet. I'm just a little irritated. Can ya tell? I don't like this mechanic anyway but it's the only one that I could use at the time. What's a girl to do?

I want you kids to have a great 3 day weekend though! When you work in the hospitality industry, there's no such thing as a 3 day weekend. Labor day...what's that? lol. Just another day to me. So...if you're having your last summer hurrah PLEASE have a drink or five for me. I could use it. See ya Monday....




This is honestly how we feel. Especially when everybody starts talking about having holidays off.



Security

Remember all those times I've talked about my ratty old hoodie? Do ya? Do ya??? Well, I finally decided to post about it! And there will be pics included!

I admit, I have a hoodie that I am dependant on. I can't help it. I used to have a blankie but my ex-step dad didn't like it and threw it away. Sad story. I believe that since I never got over having something to sleep with that I continue to use something. And I don't have to sleep with it, it just makes me feel better. There are times when I can go months without it but here lately, I've needed wanted it. So yeah, I'm 21 with a security hoodie. I do share it with my little person and dog though!

There used to be a back story to it but that doesn't matter anymore. I don't keep it around for that reason. I keep it because I LOVE it. It's sooooo soft and squishy. I use it as a pillow most of the time. I've had this hoodie since I was in 5th grade. So that's like ummm....11 years. That makes me feel old. That's half of my life.

Ready for pictures?

Here it is in all of its glory. Yes, all ripped and torn.

 

 

That's one of the sleeves. The blue stuff is paint from the skating rink.

They had just painted the window sill and I leaned on it to look out the window.

Apparently after 11 years this is what happens to a sleeve.

 

 

Yep, the part of the sleeve where your wrist goes is missing. I know.

I keep it in my purse. Laugh if you must. I know I am. lol.

 

 

The back. It sure as hell doesn't look as rough as the front does. Check out the seams though.

They're all worn away.

And ignore the mess please!

 

 

The hoodie pouch. Yeah...it's ripped.

 

The hoodie was made by Bugle Boy Jean Company. Remember them? I'm pretty sure they made some baggy ass sag ass jeans that you could only get at WalMart. lol.

 

And that's my happiness. I just adore it. And now I want to sleep with it.

But Boyfriend is laying on it. And if I ask him to get off of it he'll make some comment about

burning it. So, off to sleep with the little sleeve I guess!

(I planned this post fyi)

I'm not going back to bed at 730. I'm still asleep!

 

Happy Monday y'all!

 



Let's Get Down to Business

First person to name that douchey song wins! lol. If nobody can....then I will smile real big. Or cry because I'm the only person in blogland who likes to listen to douchey music. It's whatever. lol.

On a more serious note, I miss this blog being "mine." I got caught up in trying to make my blog something everybody would love and would want to visit. I tried to get more followers. Blah blah blah. You get where I'm going.

I want people to read this blog because they like what I have to say and want to know more. So I'm going back to being about me! There will be more posts with "depth". Which is really funny because I'm not deep. And less link ups! I do love me some link ups and will still do a couple...especially Pinterest Wednesday and Friday's Letters! If I do more though, I will also have to do a "real" blog post.

I just feel like this has gotten so lazy. That's not what I want at all. And if youre worried all my posts will be serious, they won't. but it won't be fluff either!

I have two important posts in my drafts that I need to finish and I can't wait for you guys to read them. I'm excited about the responses that I could possibly get.

I know that this post is kind of like yesterday's. Sorry about that. Just hang in a little bit longer.

Love all your faces kids!

Tuesday.

I meant to blog yesterday...I really did.

But I didn't do it =(. Blogging is important to me, but at the same time I kind of feel like it's getting the best of me. Not me, getting the best of it. Which I hate!

So...how do I not get tired of the whirlwind that is blogging? I want to keep doing it forever, (at least for now) so what am I going to do to not let it get away from me. I have no fucking idea. lol. I have severe writer's block going on.

Here are some updates about my life

- I really like working at Olive Garden, not sure if I like my job though. I'm not used to not knowing about my job, or being the new kid. It's intense for sure. I  keep hoping that I'll get used to it. I really want to serve though. I just love it. But Olive Garden is great! I can't believe I got lucky enough to work at a place that I really wanted to work at and that I love.

- My baby got a kitten. She named her cupcake. For now she lives at my grandma's. I forgot how awesome tiny baby kitties are. Now I want one.

- School starts in a week. I'm not really nervous anymore. I only have to go 2 days a week. I'm taking 3 online classes because I like them better. lol.

- Summer is almost over, and this Thursday will be the last week that I have to share my daughter. Thank GAWWDDDD.

That's all I can really think of right now. My life is boring. I'm not gonna lie to you guys. lol.

So...what would you like to see more of? I know I can be quite a bore. I really want to do a post with some substance instead of things like this. Leave me comments and tell me what ya wanna see!

TTFN..see you tomorrow!

Being 20....

I've been in my 20's for two years. And I love it and hate it. This has really been on my mind lately.

There's so many things that are pretty awesome but sooo many things that suck.
I didn't realize how confusing this time is.

So what's awesome about it? I can think of a few things.

- You are excused for doing stupid shit because you're "In your 20's". It's the ultimate mess up time and people don't care as much as when you're a minor or passed the age 30.
- Becoming your own person is fun. You really get to know you.
- Nobody is there telling you what you can and can't like or do.
-Basically, you're free. You're an adult now.
- Last, but CERTAINLY NOT least, you get to drink!

But this post isn't really about the great things. It's more about how confusion sets in.

Being 20 something is the hardest part of life so far for me. Figuring it all out isn't as easy as I expected. I hate not having all the answers. I hate the uncertainty that comes with the label of
20-something.

It seems 20 is full of ups and downs. I don't know if this post makes sense to anybody but me.

I get 2 steps forward and I'm pushed a step back. I know I'll get it all figured out eventually, but sometimes I want to figure it out now. And then I honestly think about it and I don't want to figure it all out. I want to enjoy these crazy, unknowing years! After all, aren't they what makes us "us"?

Some stuff I found about being a 20-something
All Groan Up
Feel like you're losing it? Check this out
More about the crisis
Responsibility vs Limiting Yourself
How to be 20 ...This is kinda funny
And the main reason being 20-something is hard...N.Y. Times Article
This is by one of my favorite bloggers...I didn't ask to use it so if she sees it...Hope it's ok!
Adulthood...Never Stops Article ...Realizing what being an adult is all about really.
I'm tired...and I couldn't find a lot. But I wanna know your opinions and what you read about being 20-something or acknowldgeing your 20-age.

Bitter/Sweet

My cheese ball

I told you guys that I have shared custody of my child. Beyond that....you don't know much else.

My baby has spent her 4 entire years on this planet with me or people that I choose her to be with. In those years, this wasn't her dad very often. Not on my part, but his. Now, I'm not talking trash, nor am I going to. If I was, this post would be a lot longer.

The agreement that we came to (with the help of our attorneys of course) was every other weekend and a certain night of the week would be his time. And during the summer she would live with him for a week and with me for a week.



I look terrible...I know.

Let me tell you how hard it is. I never spent a week away from her. EVER. And then last week she had to go. I told you it was bittersweet and it truly is. I hate that for a week, she isn't around me. I hate not knowing what is going on and how she is. Of course I can always call, but that doesn't give my momma brain a piece of mind. That gives my heart some reassurance but not my brain. A week without seeing her hurts. I'm lonely during that week. I play it off like I'm not, but if you look at my camera on my phone you could tell. I spent last week taking 35903595348 pictures of my dog. I don't have anybody to play with, laugh at, or just to get on my nerves. And it sucks.

But yeah, it's kind of nice. I'm young and while she's away...mommy may play. Now don't go thinking I get all crazy and pull out the shortest dresses I own and skank it up at my local sleaze bar. I'm not that kind of parent. lol. But I sleep in, I eat what I want when I want to, I watch adult television and say saynora to nickelodeon and Disney for a week. And it feels great. I do what I want when I want to.

But I still miss her soooo bad. I'd give anything to have her at home. I'd watch a million Dora's if it meant that she could hang out with me. A week isn't very long. But it is when your heart hurts and you miss somebody.

Mother's Day 2012

When she comes home, she isn't herself. It takes her a couple days to get back to Teagan. She's never quiet and she hates to listen, but she does those things when she comes back. It takes most of the week to get the old Teagan back. And then in a blink of my eyes she's gone again. Plus, during that week we have so many people she needs to see. Because it's true that it takes a village to raise a child. And of course my village has missed her too. And now I'm working so time won't be spent how I want it to.

As I've gotten older I've started to not care for Summer. Now, I really don't like it. Each day the sun is up longer....and it reminds me of the time that she won't be around. I won't be looking forward to Summer anymore. My heart goes away during this time of the year. I look forward to Fall when we spend more time together and I don't have to give her away every other week.

I know it's good for her to see him. I just don't think it's healthy for anyone to live at a house at a week at a time though. Can you imagine how much that sucks? I know I wouldn't like it. I know she doesn't like it. She does love her daddy though. I know that she is happy over there, but I don't believe she is happy with the situation.

There's so much more I could tell you...but this seems all for now. Such a serious post for the almost end of our week. But, she leaves me again today. And so for now it's all on my mind.

What Do I Do?

So uh....I haven't had a weekend off in a long time unless I've asked for it. And if I ask for it it means I have something to do. So what does a girl do during the weekend? lol.

Yesterday I went on a shopping spree at the Buckle. Ha! Never thought I would say that. I wasn't a buckle fan until recently. Don't judge me though. I'm not a buckle devotee...yet. Hahaha kidding!!! I don't think I could ever be a buckle devotee. I like to not pay a billion dollars for my clothes. I just needed a pick me up and I had a gift card ;). Who doesn't like gift cards?

And lovely boyfriend took me to a wonderful dinner last night. I got to wear some new clothes too. That was exciting. Our dinner was wonderful and I love when he surprises me!

I really don't have anything in particular to talk about. Just some ramble from me today.

I'm watching CMT Insider right now and they keep talking about the Brothers of the Sun Tour with Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw. I wish they would quit! See, last weekend when I was at my auntie's we had originally planned to go to that tour in Dallas. But then life happened. Blah. So really I feel that the tv is rubbing it in. lol.

Source: ticketmaster.com via Melanie on Pinterest

But on a concert note...I really want to see this guy. I know he's been around for a few years but I wasn't into him until Drunk On You came out. It takes a great song for me to get to like new people but he is awesome!

Source: google.com via Chloe on Pinterest

I think that's all for now! I'll be back tomorrow to tell you all about how I spent Father's Day. As if y'all care. lol.

Have a happy Saturday.........And All That Good Stuff!

That One Time I Got Arrested

Yes, you read that right.

Ughhhh I got arrested. For the stupidest thing ever! I forgot to pay a $35 fine. I know cops have to do their jobs and blah blah blah...but damn.

Mr. Police Officer even knew me and still had to do it. But...he didn't prosecute me or book me. He said he felt it was stupid over that amount of money. Thank fucking goodness.

Oh and the fine.... it was for the damn hoopty that I always talk about. Anddd I don't know Mr. Officer because I get in trouble a lot....it's because we're friends.

And if I was working (delivering pizzas) he wasn't gonna arrest me. And I quit my job! Love it.

Ohhh well. Life isn't complete until you get arrested right? No? Oh, well, whatever! lol.

Have a good night, and all that good stuff.

ps....I needed a beer after that and now I'm gonna drink it.

I'm home! Part One

'Ello lovelies! I'm finally back on my computer after a wonderful vacation. I already miss it and want to go back. I seriously contemplate moving there sometimes. lol.

I don't even know where to begin. But this post is going to be in two parts because I took too many pictures for one post! And there are a ton of pictures of kittens. Just beware. I won't post all of them but there probably will be a lot. lol.

Well...here's how I started out my trip

Yes, that's a boom box in my passenger seat. Don't judge! lol.

 I told ya'll I drive a hoopty and the radio not working is one of the beautiful things about it.

I had to have my jams on the way there for sure!

OMG Oklahoma drivers are the rudest drivers in the fucking world. Not even kidding. I got cut off so many times. And they wouldn't let me on interstates from entrance ramps. I just had to sit and wait. The other lanes were open! They refused to get over. Ohhh...and they love to tailgate you if you don't go as fast as they want to.

We're going through a work zone and the speed limit is 65...I'm already going 70 (yes I speed) and they are right on my ass! I fucking hate it.

Anyway...so I got to my auntie's with only a handful of problems.

I was so happy to see her.

But...the woman is kinda crazy. She has 4 cats and a turtle and a man.

Yeah...it's fun. lol.

No, she's amazing at taking care of people and animals so it suits her perfectly.

She has a cat named Pixie. A cat named Abby. And two 11 week old twin kittens. Lilly and George.

And George was a girl until the day I came down.

He had to go to the vet that day and it turns out her little Georgie was just George.

And the turtle's name is Crush. Yes, like the one on Finding Nemo.

On the top is Lilly

On the left is Pixie

On the right is George

I didn't get a picture of Abby or of Crush.

I got there and we had some awesome food at a place called Dickey's. It's a bbq joint and it was pretty damn good.

That night we just hung out at home and watched some tv. I had driven for 4 hours and

didn't feel like doing anything anyway.

The next day is when the fun started. We said that we were going to go to the zoo. Then we were going to go to a movie. But first we had to run to walmart. I know, I know, what kind of fun can anybody have at walmart? Well, my aunt and I can have tons. Everytime we get together we go to Wally World. We spend money we shouldn't on shit we don't need but it's a great bonding experience and it's soooo fun. It's our thing.

Above left is me. My hair is up for the first time in a year. I neeeeeed a haircut.

Above right is my wonderful auntie. She has a bum foot right now hence the machine thing

And the bottom are pictures of her hunnie hula hooping. Yep. That's right =).

So what about the movie and the zoo? Well that shit never happened. Three hours at walmart happened. Hahahahaha. I love it.

Then we went and ate at WhatABurger. I had a simple cheeseburger and that thang was

fucking huge! OMG.

We went home and then it was time to get ready to go out. Yep! One of my most favorite things

in the world. lol.

We met up with a wonderful friend of my aunt's. Her name is Kyla and we've gotten close too.

She's like a crazy older sister that I never had.

Kyla, Myself, Auntie

*please excuse the uber whiteness. Stupid iPhone flash makes me look ridiculous.

So we pick up Ms. Kyla and head over to Bricktown. Which is downtown Oklahoma City. And since

I'm a small town girl, I must say it's AMAZING!

this isn't my own photo.

Once we got there we went to dinner at Chelino's. Auntie and I had just eaten but Kyla was starved so

we split an appetizer. But this is actually what I consider my "dinner" lol.

and it was damn good.

And that is all I'm doing for now...My hands hurt. The second half will be up soon ;)

And All That Good Stuff

ps. I didn't do a preview first and my pictures aren't in the order I had them in. I don't know wtf happened. Sorry!

Vacation

Well, it's finally that time of year! When I get to say peace out to responsibilities and go on a much needed vacay!

Literally, I'll have no responsibilities except school work. Ahhhh....freedom. lol.

Now don't get me wrong...I'll miss my responsibilities but for the first time in awhile I'll be me!

I love boyfriend, Teagan, and work and will miss them all but right now I'm looking at them saying hahahaha suckers! And then I feel bad and wonder what the hell they'll do without me for 4 days. And then I'll go back to saying hahahaha suckers. Kidding!!! (kinda)

You're probably like ok lady stop rambling and tell us where you're going!

Source: Uploaded by user via Chloe on Pinterest

And unfortunately this isn't it!

But I plan on living it up like this is it. lol. Plenty of relaxing, drinking, and girl talk for sure.

Only thing we're not going to have is a wonderful beach scene.

You best believe that I will go there someday though!

I've never been to the beach but I will.

Anyway I'm going here....

Source: pinmaster3.singz.it via Frederika on Pinterest

Yep, home of the best college football team...Norman OK! My auntie lives here and we're super duper close. Closer than any other family member I'm pretty sure. lol. I love this

woman. She is so strong and wise and I look up to her more than she could ever know.

Source: whimsikel.blogspot.com via Magan on Pinterest

Well, I gotta get off here and wake up boyfriend so I can see him before he leaves for work.

If I don't blog all weekend ya know why!

I'm sure to have lot of pictures to post too!

Have a great weekend

And All That Good Stuff!