It's early November so everybody is updating their goals on their blogs. And I enjoy when they do that. But occasionally it gets me down. See, I told myself a couple months ago that I wasn't going to my goals post. Whenever I Make goals, I never seem to follow anything to get them done.
And it gives me all the sads.
I go in with great intentions but a week later I'm just like yeah whatever. And when I don't complete them I start to beat myself up about it. I don't hold myself accountable enough to complete them. And even though I don't hold myself accountable to get them done, I expect too much out of myself. I don't know how to distinguish between the two.
There's nothing worse than feeling like you let somebody down, except for the feeling of letting yourself down. I give myself anxiety over it sometimes. I tell myself that I'm gonna have half of my Christmas presents bought by the middle of November and I'm nowhere near close. And i was in full panic mode about it for about two weeks. I was stressing myself out and telling myself that I just suck at life.
I don't know how to set goals and go through with them without putting too much pressure on myself to get them done. But I don't even try to get them done half of the time. It's a vicious circle and I don't know what to do to stop it.
I don't even know if this makes any sense or if I'm rambling and talking in circles. I just know that hating on myself for not getting things done is starting to get really old. And I know that not getting things done is getting old too.
So I have a plan. A very small minuscule plan because I don't want to take on too much at one time. If I start at the bottom maybe I can get there.
I'm not gonna talk about it because I don't want to put the pressure on myself too much right now. Just know that I'm starting small. And someday, I'll get to where I want to be.