Wednesday, January 23, 2013


Gahhhhhhhh. That's what I think about 99 % of the time that I'm working.
"Gahh, these customers are stupid/assholes/ridiculous. Gahhh, my manager won't shut up. Gahhh, if these whiny ass servers don't shut the fuck up I'm gonna lose it on them. Gahhh, _____ ( many names fit this blank) is a bitch."

See, here's the problem. I'm a host. I basically dominate the restaurant. I always have to be aware of what's going on where and I'm always on the move. No, believe it or not we don't just stand here and wait for "guests", now referred to as anything not nice, to walk in our door and demand a quiet, private, corner booth for 10 people. 

Customers, this is for you. We already don't want to be at work most of the time. And we have an idea of how our night is going to go. Monday - dead, Tuesday - steady for 2 hours, etc. So when you walk in on a Monday night and expect your party of 6 to be sat immediately, we may not have a place for you quite yet. I may tell you that it's going to be about 15 minutes. And quite contrary to what the asshole last night said, no we aren't just making you wait so that we look busy. It's not fun to have people death glaring at me for 5 minutes, let alone 45. I don't want you and your loud ass kids in my lobby anymore than you want to be there. Just because there are empty tables, doesn't mean we are slow. We only have so many servers working and those servers are only allowed to have so many tables (3). At least where I work.So, don't pretend that you're being "quiet" when talking to your family about how we really work. I can hear you! And just because nobody else is in the lobby waiting, doesn't mean we're faking our wait either. It's called the party before you got the last damn table we had. Suck it up buttercup. Wait your turn. 

And if, just if, I seat another party before you that came in after you, well dammit it's not just to ruin your day. I'm not out to get you. Like I said earlier, less people in my lobby, the happier I am. Maybe they have reservations. Or maybe we don't have a 5 top table right at the moment and I do have a table for two. They're going to get to eat. Sorry. But rest assured, when I do have a table big enough for you, I won't skip you for a party who hasn't complained, we'll make sure you get it. And no, I can't seat 5 people at a 4-top. I'm not just going to shove a chair on the end. There isn't enough room dipshit. And I've been told by my manager that it's not allowed. Sorry sucker. 

Servers, you lovely lovely people you. I love your faces most of the time. I really honestly do. I know how it is to serve. I loved serving. That's why I admire you. Being a good server is a talent really. Not one that just anybody can do. But when you start to bitch and moan, I wanna beat the shit out of you. No, my job isn't really easier than yours. They're about the same - in different ways of course. I have to know how you are as a server. What you can handle and what you can't. And I have to know it for every other one of your co-workers too. You just have to know how you are. And maybe if you feel like being nice, your room partner. But that's a story for a different day. So when I have 18 servers on the floor, I feel like I'm watching 18 kids. Making sure that each and every one of you is ok and that I'm not overwhelming you. And I try my hardest not to. And when I just don't have a choice, I'm here to help. I'll help in any way that I can. But if you wanna be a bitch and not accept my help because I had to seat you that crappy tipper or that third table, than you can be a bitch. No help next time!

When we're not busy, don't come up to me and complain that you don't have tables. I can't will people in with my mind. As much as I'd love to, I'm not magic. Don't come up and say that you're "making sure that we have you on" yeah bitch, we do. You and all the other empty tabled people on the floor. But do you see them up here bitching and moaning to me? Nope. That's how they know they'll get tables. Enjoy your quiet time because in a few minutes, we could be balls to the wall slammed. And then you'll be bitching about how "you're a double today and can't I just have my phase slip already"? If you don't wanna be here, see ya. I want to be a server so bad, but I can't yet. And to see people bitching because they are tired and want to go home, I get irritated. You picked this job. You knew how strenuous it could be. If it's that bad, there are cushier jobs out there. But you aren't leaving are you? Nope, didn't think so. So shut it! And to the New Girl that came up and yelled at me yesterday because her section was empty....girl who the fuck do you think you're talking to? You know I can control what table you get. I have the power to seat you all the hillbilly bobs and face sucking teenagers that don't tip. Now, do I ever exert that power, not very often. But I can so go back to your side station and talk shit with the other servers. I follow a rotation. And no, that rotation may not make sense to you or me, because it's set up by a computer, but I'm following it because our manager said to. And they can't come yell at me because I'm doing what I was told. It's the system they bought so they can get grumpy at it, not me! 

I do love my job, but every now and then, a vent session needs to happen. Don't be that asshole...

Happy Wednesday cupcakes. I'm off today =)

1 comment:

Whitney Leigh said...

I do not miss the restaurant industry. not even a little.

you may have just induced some old nightmares for me. haha

have a great day off!