Thursday, March 28, 2013

A Lot On My Mind

 I come to you with a heavy heart today. I have to make a decision - one of two things that I really don't like. A decision that could ultimately lead to disappointment from those around me. The second of two things that I don't really like.

I'm at a crossroad right now in life. When school starts in the fall I will have been in college for 5 years. I know, that's not really a big deal. Until I tell you that I'm nowhere close to having a degree. I know that's pathetic. I truly do, but I just don't like school. I don't know why, I think I'm just tired of it. After 17 years, it gets a little old.

But do I really want to give up? I know I don't. But I know how unhappy I am forcing myself to go to school. Last week during Spring Break I felt great. I didn't have to worry about school and work and making time for mini, and making time for me. I just had to worry about Mini and work. And that was so nice for a change. I've been very hesitant to publish this post. There are people who read this blog who won't be very happy that I may not go back in the fall. There will be people who aren't happy that I'm even thinking about it. They will be so disappointed in me and that hurts the most. Letting down those who care. I hate disappointing people. I aim to please, that's why I've been going at it this long.



I was in class tonight and thought to myself "self, maybe you're crazy. maybe you could finish but you'd really have to buckle down. and work less." See, I can't afford to work less. There's absolutely no way. And that makes me sad.

So the way I see it, I've got three options, a) I can just stop going and find a big girl job and be done, b) I can take a semester off to work as much as possible to save money and take a breather. After that semester I'll go back and least get something whether it be a degree or certificate, or c) I continue on the path that I'm on and make myself miserable, but at the same time, I wouldn't be disappointing anybody.

And about plan b, I know people say that once you take a semester off you don't go back, but I would hold myself accountable to going back. I'd have to. I know that I sure as hell don't want to work at OG forever.

8 comments:

Coffee Lady said...

Sweetie, it is your life - you are the one that has to live it. My son dropped out of college and it disappointed me only because us parents want the best for our kids. BUT he had to do what he had to do. I know its hard out there - He may regret his decision one day, but I feel it's on him now. He's a grown-up.

I made my decisions when I was your age - some good and some not so good. BUt it wasn't the "end of the world." Some how, things will work out.

Dabbling in Dixie said...

I can't imagine trying to do everything that you're doing right now girl! I think school is important but I understand how frustrating it has to be to be pulled in a million different directions!!

Maybe it would be possible to take 1 online class in the fall so you're taking time off, have more time to work but still have your foot in the door for school? It took my mom 8 years of weekend college to get her Bachelors, as her kid I cried when she finished I was so proud of her!

Dabbling in Dixie said...

I can't imagine trying to do everything that you're doing right now girl! I think school is important but I understand how frustrating it has to be to be pulled in a million different directions!!

Maybe it would be possible to take 1 online class in the fall so you're taking time off, have more time to work but still have your foot in the door for school? It took my mom 8 years of weekend college to get her Bachelors, as her kid I cried when she finished I was so proud of her!

Jordan said...

As someone who took a semester off and never went back, I can say that it's tough getting your foot back in the door. However, if you would hold yourself accountable then by all means, TAKE A BREAK. I know you have been so stressed this year between work, school, and your mini. You are my hero for doing it all but you are also only human! I think you should do what would make YOU happy. If taking a semester off would give you a break then DO IT. I do like her suggestion above ^ saying maybe taking one online course during your semester off just to keep your gears going? Look, you're a mom, an employee, and a student - it's ok to want a little break to keep your sanity. I support you in whatever decision you make, as long as you don't quit work AND school! Because then you'd never make money and would never be able to come to Houston and get drunk by the pool with me.

Do what is best for you, Chloe. You deserve to be happy!

Anonymous said...

Hey little girl!!! Don't skip a semester!!!! I agree with the other lady. Do 1 online class to keep your foot in the door that way you can work more and maybe save money!!!!!! Ultimately you are an adult and can do what you want but I am a firm believer that you need a college degree!!!! Just remember that I love you no matter what!!!!! Huggs and kisses sweetie!!!!!!

Vicki said...

I was where you are. I choose to dissapoint people and quit school. I worked retail for awhile, all the while trying to figure out what I wanted to do when I "grew up" eventually I did go back to school, but I still took the easy way out. The only thing I can say to you is: Follow your dreams. The work force is a brutal place to be if your not happy. If being in school will lead you to a career you will love - then I say stick with it despite the misery you feel now. Only you will know what will work for you. Follow your heart.

Stephanie said...

How many classes do you take? Could you just take one at a time, maybe online? Do you know what you're actually going to school for yet? If you don't have a degree in mind, it might be better to take time off and think about it. If you do know, then I would just take 1 class next semester and concentrate on that.

Beth W said...

I was in this EXACT same spot, at 5 years of college (and, having switched majors 4 times, and colleges 3 times, was also not near graduation).
I took a year off.
It was a very, very growthful year during which a lot of bad stuff happened to me (my own fault) and I learned a lot.
I decided I disliked college BUT needed to get a degree to prove to those around me that I could finish something. So I did. In one year.
It's amazing what a little re-focusing on priorities will do. And whatever you decide, decide it for YOU, not for someone else. *hugs*