I come to you with a heavy heart today. I have to make a decision - one of two things that I really don't like. A decision that could ultimately lead to disappointment from those around me. The second of two things that I don't really like.
I'm at a crossroad right now in life. When school starts in the fall I will have been in college for 5 years. I know, that's not really a big deal. Until I tell you that I'm nowhere close to having a degree. I know that's pathetic. I truly do, but I just don't like school. I don't know why, I think I'm just tired of it. After 17 years, it gets a little old.
But do I really want to give up? I know I don't. But I know how unhappy I am forcing myself to go to school. Last week during Spring Break I felt great. I didn't have to worry about school and work and making time for mini, and making time for me. I just had to worry about Mini and work. And that was so nice for a change. I've been very hesitant to publish this post. There are people who read this blog who won't be very happy that I may not go back in the fall. There will be people who aren't happy that I'm even thinking about it. They will be so disappointed in me and that hurts the most. Letting down those who care. I hate disappointing people. I aim to please, that's why I've been going at it this long.
I was in class tonight and thought to myself "self, maybe you're crazy. maybe you could finish but you'd really have to buckle down. and work less." See, I can't afford to work less. There's absolutely no way. And that makes me sad.
So the way I see it, I've got three options, a) I can just stop going and find a big girl job and be done, b) I can take a semester off to work as much as possible to save money and take a breather. After that semester I'll go back and least get something whether it be a degree or certificate, or c) I continue on the path that I'm on and make myself miserable, but at the same time, I wouldn't be disappointing anybody.
And about plan b, I know people say that once you take a semester off you don't go back, but I would hold myself accountable to going back. I'd have to. I know that I sure as hell don't want to work at OG forever.