Feel Your Boobies

Ahhhh that's the sound of me relaxing for the next four days. I was about done with Olive Garden. It's nice to get a way for a couple of days.

As you all know, it's October. October is also breast cancer awareness month. Obviously this means a lot to me because of my Auntie. It's amazing how you think something only happens to other people and then bam, you're getting the news that somebody you love has it. Breast cancer is not prejudice. It can affect anybody at any time.

So please, do me a favor. It's more of a favor for yourself but it will mean a lot to me as well. Check your boobies! I don't care if you do it yourself or if you have a doctor do it. Just make sure it's done.

Someday we will fight the terrible disease that we know as cancer. I believe that this can happen in our lifetime.

If you'd like to know more about breast cancer click here.

If you'd like to donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation, click here.

And don't forget to check your boobies!

One Year

I have like 35644 things I want to blog about right now. That's totally overwhelming but I want to blog. Kinda.

A year ago, I wrote this post. I never mentioned directly that it was my Auntie who had breast cancer, but I might have mentioned it later on.

A year ago today she was diagnosed with breast cancer. And now, a year later, she has officially been cleared as healthy and can go back to work and live her life!

She's been through two separate mastectomies, days of feeling like shit, tears, happiness, relief, laughter, chemo, and radiation. And now, she is done.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared in the beginning. But as time has gone on I've become less scared.

I'm so proud of her. Proud of how well she handled herself, proud of how well she acted. She was never a "victim". She was always a fighter. She didn't really live her life any differently than she did before, but there was a lot more fun. We all realized that we need to be around each other more.

I mean it when I say she's my hero. There aren't words that explain how I feel. Too bad you can't describe feelings.

Here's to my hero, my auntie, my inspiration.

Breaking News

So not last week, but the week before I took an early weekend from the blog. I thought it was necessary. You see, that week was the week that my wife finished her chemo! So of course a celebration dinner was in order. She made me choose between Outback and Applebees. Good food vs. Okay cheap food. Cheap won of course, so Applebees it was.

I bought her her first post chemo drink and it was a summer squeeze and it was delish! I got a long island of course. All that booze in one glass gets a good buzz going. Two glasses, I probably shouldn't drive home. That's my go to at AppleBees. Never had one? Try there first.

I should have probably edited her instagram name but go ahead and stalk her. She'll appreciate it. 

Summer Squeeze

Our waitress was super sweet and gave us a free mini brownie sundae to celebrate chemo being over! But the wife doesn't like chocolate. Like hates it. But she choked it down like a pro. It wasn't funny but it was funny. 

After dinner we went over to Blake's and told him he HAD to go get drinks with us. Normally on a school night he's not down but since it was a big deal he obliged. We were gonna go to B-dubs but decided to go over to a friend's house and drink with them. Funny story, Wife asked the lady friend of the couple if she wanted to hang out...and she didn't really want to. So Blake asked her husband and he said sure. We took his answer and ran with it. We took a 16 pack of budlight and a 12 pack of straw-ber-itas so we weren't empty handed. And we had great timing. Apparently there was no power in part of town. And they just happened to live in that part of town. We all hung out and drank and then the boys wondered off to the highway. I'm surprised they didn't get ran over. We had great girl time. Much needed. I didn't get any pictures because I couldn't charge my phone and we were all sweaty and gross anyway. 

Wife wanted to go home by 1 so we said ok. And at 12:30 we headed to another group of friends' house. We had her convinced that she was going to be home by 1. We lied. We waited for an old friend of Blake's to show up. And he took forevvvver. In the mean time Wife was gettin it. Seriously, I highly suggest making one of your friends be sober for awhile and then take them out drinking. It doesn't take much and it's hilarious! I wish I could tell you all the shit that came out of her mouth. But it's not really blog appropriate. 

See, our group of friends aren't really blog appropriate. But we're fucking awesome. And we give each other a lot of shit. So even if I told you, you wouldn't laugh because it's a you have to be there moment. 

We got home about 3. Ooops. And we all had to work the next day. When we got home Blake and I took Olivia outside for about 5 minutes. We came in and Wife was fully dressed passed the hell out on the couch. She didn't even look comfortable. =) Love that girl. 

Love him.

I told her I wouldn't post this but whatever. 

Friends and shit.

And I have breaking news for you....

As of yesterday at 730 in the morning...

Wife is in remission!! No more cancer.

We're so happy!

What A Weekend

Ahhhhhh!!!! I had a fabuous weekend but it went by so fast and I don't wanna go back to work tomorrow. Sad face. I know that I said last week that I hate doing weekend reviews and I really do, but this weekend has to have one. Actually, it will probably be reviewed all week. I promise not to go on about the same stuff over and over though. =)

We had a fabulous time! I don't think I've ever had a girl's weekend and this one just set the bar for the rest of them. I don't even know what I want to write about today so I'll just show you some pictures.

Wife, Myself, Auntie at BJ's Brewery

Our feet on the floor of the Dallas Cowboy Stadium

Seriously I was so excited to see this. I wrote about how I wanted to be one once, so 

this made me so so so happy!

Wife, Kyla, Myself, Auntie...get your drink on!

The one and only Mr. Eric Church!

Kenny 

The new tattoo that Auntie and I got. I just want you to know how bad this effin hurt

cupcakes. So bad. And it hurts soooo bad today. 

Wife and I before we left for our roadtrip!

There's a lot more where this came from. Fun stories, embarrassing pictures, all kinds of stuff! 

Come back tomorrow!

Friday's Letters

It's Friday...I'm off this whole freaking weekend. Wanna know why...I get to go see Luke Bryan tomorrow for my birthday. Yep, my birthday was over a week ago but I didn't have a get together because I wanted to save money for this. I'm so super duper excited. It's going to be myself, Blake, Momma, and my Auntie! We weren't sure if she could go since her surgery was on my birthday but on Wednesday we got the ok. I can't freaking wait.

Dear Friday, I'm so happy to finally see you. After 8 days of work you're the bright light at the end of the tunnel. We have a super day planned. I'm going to lunch with dad, buying myself a new shirt, getting the hair done, and eyebrows waxed. Gotta look hot for this weekend. Ya know, I may not come back. Luke might ask me to marry him.

Dear Luke, Gahhh I'm so excited for you. You're openers aren't that exciting to me but I won't turn down seeing a band live. I'll be shaking it for you so hopefully you notice and whisk me away.

Dear Boyfriend, I know that you aren't a country music fan but thank you so much for coming with me. I'm ready to get my drink on and sing sweet country songs to you all night. And please don't get too jealous. I still love you the mostest.

Dear Momma, I'm so happy you're coming. I haven't been to a concert with you since Sugar Ray. I was like 9. Don't mind me getting my drink on. That's what concerts are for. Thanks for coming with!

Dear Auntie, I don't even know where to start. I haven't told blog world about your amazing news so I guess I'll share now. CONGRATULATIONS ON BEING CANCER FREE! You did it. I'm so incredibly proud of you. You've been so strong and I admire that. And I'm excited you get to come with me. We bought the tickets so long ago, and this cancer shit almost interfered. Not now. =)

Dear Self, Have fun this weekend! Live a little. You deserve this. It's been awhile since you could let lose so do it. Don't over plan and just go with the flow. Don't fight it. It will all work out. We do need to get on the working out train though. come on girl. I know you can do it.

Dear Happiness Project, I started you over a week ago and haven't picked you up since. I even marked in you. That's a big deal for me. I'm ready to pick you up and start my own happiness project.

Dear Cupcakes, That would be you reading this - thanks so much. I love your face. I haven't been a very good blogger lately but you guys still choose to stick around. I love blogland. Have a great weekend, I know I will!

Busy Much?

Happy Monday lovies!!! Yep, I'm happy it's Monday. Because I'm off with absolutely zero responsiblities today. But I'm gonna be responsible and do stuff anyway.

Just a warning...this is probably going to be a novel length post. Sorry. Big hugs if you make it through the whole thing. =)

My weekend actually started last Thursday. I told you guys that I was going to Oklahoma City to celebrate my aunt's last dose of chemo. Early that morning boyfriend, Teag, and I all hopped in the car and headed there. 4 hours later and we get there. My aunt gives horrible directions just so you know. I already knew how to get there, I just didn't know how to get to her chemo center. But I figured it out. After chemo was over we drove over to this amazing steakhouse called SaltGrass. It was amazeballs! Expensive but delicious.

 These are all the fabulous people who came out to celebrate my aunt. My aunt is the one with the beanie on, my grandma is in the white shirt next to me, and auntie's husband is behind me in the red jersey. All that love for one person!

This was my lunch. Steak and shrimp with mashed potatoes. OMG that steak, it was delicious. Juicy,tender, and was perfectly seasoned. I can't wait to go back there.

The hunnie and myself.

My uncle got this for me! lol I had to send this picture of myself to him. I think it might actually be a headband. And I might just wear it.

The beautiful princess herself. 

Unfortuantely, my slightly slow ass didn't ask off for Friday, so we had to hop back in the car and drive another 4 hours home. And I did all the driving. YAWN. Boyfriend and I were tired so we chatted a lot and told stories of things we did when we were kids. I felt so connected on the ride home. Love it.

Friday I was a double at work. Nothing exciting except some bitches I work with threw me under the bus to our manager. They never even came to me with their "problems" just went straight to him. And their problems are such bullshit too. Ugh. Don't want to think about it. I'll just get mad. I ended the night with the worst headache I've had in a long time. I couldn't open my left eye because it hurt so bad. I didn't want to drive home from work that night. I always want to leave that place and I hung out until I felt a little better. 

Saturday morning I got to work and worked the day away. Then it was birthday party time. Boyfriend's best friend's son celebrated his first birthday this week. Ahhh I remember first birthdays! Such an exciting time in life. We all went to Root Zero 3 for dinner. Here's little mister with his smash cake. Wife was there and I had to get a picture of mini with her best friend! It was nice to spend a Saturday with my friends and family. 

Sunday was another double! Except I had to buss for my morning shift. Oh my fucking gahhhh...that is some tough shit. I have much more respect for our bussers now. I know that my ass doesn't want to do it. I lost like 5 pounds from sweat. My clothes were so icky and I felt disgusting. I worked hard. HARD. 

I'm the worst blog mama ever. My blogiversary was on the 19! We're officially a year old. I can't believe I've made it a year. So crazy. I've gone from 0 people to 87 of you wonderful readers. I'll recap my favorite posts later this week. Thank you all for sticking with me. I love sharing my life with you! 

I'm watching teen mom right now, these bitches are crazy. I mean, let's move in with our boyfriend 2 months after being together. No offense if that's your jam, but these girls already have to much going on. And I don't know why Jenelle tries to live with anybody, she just gets in a fight with them every time. Way to predictable thanks. And Chelsea, wtf spoiled much? Her mom got her a new puppy because of the unfortunate circumstances of poor Frankie. She has a child, she doesn't need two dogs. Leah is just lonely. They're all lonely. I get it. But shit, focus on yourself not boys/girls/dogs/moving/having more babies. 

That was a little off subject. I decided today that I'm going to do the 5 for Five linkup today. Maybe that will hold me accountable for the week. 

- Get 5 loads of laundry done. That means put away too. Eeek. I love the washing and drying part. Just don't like to put it away. I have mountains of clothes in my room. And I'm tired of it.

- Workout 3 times. I can do this. 

- Start Mini's birthday party process! This means I need to finalize my guest count and buy my invitations. 

- Cook 2 meals at home. I've reverted back to eating out too much and I hate it. Blahhh.

- Make food for boyfriend and I for Superbowl Sunday before Sunday night. We're having dips, and who knows what else so I need to start sooner rather than later so I don't have to rush around. 

Happy Thursday!

Hola cupcakes! Happy Thursday. I'm not here today because well, my auntie's LAST chemo treatment is today and were having a big celebration lunch.

She's been so strong and amazing through this sick as fuck ordeal. And I just admire her so much for this. =).

So we're going to celebrate. Because she deserves it.

Yesterday my mini became a big sister! I was so proud of her and how she handled her baby sister. And baby sister loved her already. Mini's dad would take the baby from her arms and little miss would scream until she was back in her arms. Pretty amazing. And my baby fever is gone. Yep, GONE. For now anyway :).

Ill be back tomorrow to tell you about the wonderful lunch. And probably to do some letters. See ya!

An Honest Raw Post

I've pushed this post off for two weeks now. I really need  to write it. It's going to be cathartic but really hard. If I could just get it out of my head and onto here I would probably feel better.

I've talked about cancer on here before, this post is it. And I've mentioned it a few times in passing. Well, this post is going to be more about it. You see, it's just not that easy though.

Sometime early this year or late last year I took the wife to the er because she had a terribly high temperature, and all around seemed drunk but she wasn't. I don't remember what the er said but we went on our way. I was worried then but I felt better after that visit. Well after that, they just kept happening. See that's when I knew something was wrong. But she wouldn't tell me what. One day on our lunch break, she said she needed to tell me something. She told me that she had lung cancer. And I was the only person she had told. What a weight to bear. I was devestated but refused to cry in front of her. On my way home I bawled like a baby though. I could get into all the details about it but I don't want to. They aren't what's important about this post. We'll get to the important part later.

Then, I wrote the post above because I had found out that my auntie has breast cancer. Again, I was devestated. I spent the next few days pissed off at the world and curled up in a little ball crying or sleeping. We talked about it a little bit but not very much. In fact my grandma had asked her why I hadn't talked to her about it yet.

That's my point here. I didn't internalize it until two weeks ago. I didn't realize that this was real and they could both leave me at any time. I was on my way to work talking to my grandma on the phone when we started to talk about Maple Leaf (the fall festival we have around here). I told her I was off for the whole weekend and she was excited because that meant Tea, Auntie, and I could spend the weekend together. Then she said something I really haven't thought of. My aunt and her were talking and she had told my grandma that she had to come home for Maple Leaf because her and Teag have a tradition to go together every year...and next year she may not be able to do that.

It had never really sunken in that the two people closest to me could be taken from me at anytime. I realized they could lose their hard battles, but I didn't really let it sink in. And that day I finally let it.
I'm so scared of that. I love those two people more than I love myself. If they were gone I don't know what I would do. And I don't really want to talk about it because I don't want to be upset. I don't know if that makes me a brat or if that's normal. I haven't really talked about it with either of them. How do you say to somebody "Oh, if you die I'll miss you so much and I'll never get over it and I don't know how to live without you."? That's just morbid.

Another thing, I don't deal with death of those close to me very well. I still get drunk and cry about Chelsey. I still think of her in every way and miss her like crazy. The 27th of September marked 9 months that she had been gone.

And last week's depression was set off by the whole conversation with my grandma two weeks ago. I had let it sit and marinate in my head for so long without talking about it. I began to feel bogged down and cloudy and so sad. I still don't want to talk about it but I can't feel depressed forever. I just don't know what words to say. Except what will I do and I'll miss them. Why can't anything else just come out of my brain besides that. The only thing that seems appropriate is to keep it in mind and just talk to myself about it. Sometimes I feel that I got shit on by the higher powers that be. And most of the time I feel like my lovely ladies definitely got shit on. They both have so much that they're dealing with on top of this tretorous disease and I don't understand why them. And they aren't just dealing with everyday life stuff...it's huge things that move mountains and could hurt anybody. It's not my place to put it out there...but then again neither was this whole post. Maybe that's why I don't talk about it. It's not mine to talk about??? I don't really know. I just know that this sucks. It sucks for them, it sucks for me, it sucks for friends, family...it just sucks.

 

That's a genuine smile. I love that girl.

 

 

Auntie =) She planned my whole 21rst bday party for me. Love her more than words

could ever explain.

What I Want

This post my sound like a soiled brat post...or it could really get you thinking. Idk. Depends on what you put on it I guess. I stole the idea from Thought Catalog. The catch is that you cna't really "think" about it. You're supposed to just type and go. No worrying about sounding like a brat or anything. =)

Here I go

To feel emotionally/mentally healthy. Easier said than done.

To see Britney Spears in concert.

For my daughter to just listen.

To have more patience.

To cure cancer.

For it to be fall already.

My own place to live.

To feel like I'm doing it right.

To not feel like the world's laziest/worst parent.

To be able to say what I mean and not be afraid of the consequence.

For everybody to have a big heart like mine.

For junk food to taste bad so I eat healthy.

The ability to travel at ease.

To make everyone around me happy.

I want to make my ownself happy.

There it is guys, a list that I compiled in about an hour. It's not much, but it's near and dear to my heart. I think that it gives a little insight to me. I like people around me to be happy. Yep. That's my main purpose in life. I've decided. =)

What things do you want? Tell me in the comments because I want to know. Or copy this post and make your own. Maybe I could start the new blog "thing"! hahaha. Kidding.

Love your faces kids.

My Cause

This isn't gonna be your run of the mill "Happy Friday and have a fab weekend post." My Friday has been terrible since I left work. Weird how that works.

I got terrible news that shattered my world today. Somebody close to me has breast cancer. My heart raced after I typed that. I'm not supposed to be scared, but I am. It's stage 2. Not too bad. I'm more than scared though. I'm pissed, hurt, spiteful and many more things at different times. I can't decide if I want to cry or drink so many beers I pass out before boyfriend gets off work.

This person already has soooo much going on in their life right now. I don't understand why the powers above did this. I don't get it. I'm so mad at my God. It's amazing how mad I can be at someone I've never met. But I'm pissed.

And I'm so scared to lose this person. I know I shouldn't say that but this is me being honest. And honestly I don't know what I will do without them. I do know that they are strong though. They will fight. WE will fight. Fight as individuals, fight as friends, and fight most imporantly together, as a family. This cancer won't fucking win. It fucked with the wrong people.

I'm sure I will cry more. I'm sure that many will cry more. But deep down, we will still be strong. I didn't use to know what my cause was, but now I do. My cause is to destroy cancer. Breast, lung, brain...it doesn't matter.

This is the second time this year that somebody I'm extremely close to has told me that they have cancer. I won't lose either of them. I won't. So if you would join me in a prayer, that would be great. A prayer for them, a prayer for me, and last but certainly not least, a prayer for anybody who's had to hear those words "You/I have cancer."

Source: via Heidi on Pinterest