The Elusive Shift Drink

Oh shift drink, such a an elusive creature you are.

If you don't know, a shift drink is something that servers love. It's a free drink you receive before or after your shift at a restaurant. 

The problem is, I've never known somebody that's had one. 

Apparently, it's not something chain restaurants enjoy doing. Giving away free alcohol makes them angry. It's all about the $$ ya know. 

I can tell you that after a busy dinner shift, nothing sounds better than some form of alcohol. You need to shake off the shittiness and maybe get a little buzz on. 

That's why servers always go out for drinks after work. And spend all the money we just earned. Which really sucks for us.

My solution? Every restuarant gives a shift drink? Happy servers make happy customers.

Where's my drink at?

The Good Days

Something crazy has happened.

Other than my usual life, because it's always crazy.

Lately, I've found myself enjoying being at work.

*loud gasps*

I haven't enjoyed being at work for at least 6 months if not longer. But the past couple of weeks haven't been so bad. I think it all started with the fact that we got a new manager.

He's changed a lot about the OG that I work at. It used to be that people came in with a smile on their face and within 10 minutes they were in a terrible mood. Now, people walk in with a smile and that smile stays there even as they're walking out the front doors. I'm not saying that we're constantly happy because well, guests can still be dicks and it's still a restaurant, but for the most part, I've noticed a happier atmosphere all around.

I'm not saying our old manager was terrible in any way. He wasn't, it's just that his attitude toward everything made our attitudes shitty.

And this quote, is more than true. This guy came in with a smile and a great attitude and he hasn't let it down since he started.

I guess I'm just saying that I enjoy my job right now. I've made more money since he's been here, I laugh more at work, and my body doesn't hurt as much as it used to. Although it still hurts a shit ton.

So remember, that sometimes, all you need is an attitude adjustment. Or maybe somebody around you does. It can get better. It should get better.

6 Things You Shouldn't Say to A Server

There are things that as a waitress, I hate to ear. It's like my ears bleed when somebody says some stupid comment. I thought that today was the day to share them with you. In case, ya know, you might have said this. But I know that you guys don't do that. =)

"I'm going to have six other people with me."
They say this when I greet them at their table. No shit, really? I thought that all these extra menus were for you because you have schizophrenia and your different personalities want their own menu. I'm working, not blind or stupid. Save your breath. I got this.

"...no we're going to have 100 people."
This is the answer the hosts get sometimes when they ask people how many there's going to be tonight. Listen, we get that there are only two of you standing in front of us. And yes, we figure it's only going to be you two but we are required to ask. Some people have people join them and if we didn't ask we'd never know. Don't be a smart ass about it. It's redundant to us. Imagine repeating yourself every time you saw a person walk in the door, wouldn't you want to stab your eyeballs out? Please just appease us.

"With bread sticks too."
Again, no fucking shit. This applies to OG mainly, I get that. We know you want bread. That's probably 74% of the reason you came in today. Please don't tell me how to do my job. You'll get your bread. Your 180 calorie per piece bread.

"Do you think that this portion was worth x amount of dollars that I spent on it?"
I've had this conversation, not once, but twice in two weeks. It's embarrassing to put any server in that situation. Listen, some stuff at OG might be overpriced. And I'm sorry you feel that way. However, don't ask me for my opinion. I know better than to say what I think. I need this job and I'm not going to agree with you that your food wasn't quality enough for what you're paying. That could be my job. I had one guy who argued with me about whether or not I had an opinion about it. Like, guy, I'm not going to agree with you so you can go tell my boss and then I get fired. He wouldn't shut his mouth until his wife told him that I really wasn't going to give him my thoughts on the matter. I don't make the rules, I just work here. It's not called "Chloe's Garden." If you don't like what you're paying for the portion you're getting, then tell my manager. Please for the love of all things sparkly, don't ask me!

"We're going to be here for awhile! We haven't seen each other in ages!"
Awesome! You're going to sit at my table - of which I only get three of at a time - for the next 3 hours and only tip me what you would regularly tip if you were only going to be here for a normal length. GREAT! I can't wait to get one less table because you can't catch up at your house. I understand that you want to have a nice visit, but an hour and half max is what a nice visit should be. For every hour you're at my table, I'm losing money. I know this isn't your fault that the company I work for has some odd rules, but hey, work with me here. I'll give you an hour and a half of good service. After that mark, it declines. So please take your lady talk and have it at your house afterwards.

"...."

Then there are the silent ones. The ones that don't say a word when you walk up to the table to introduce yourself to and get their drink orders. And they just sit and stare at each other. No matter how many things you say to them, they don't answer. It's a really confusing situation. I thought people came here because they knew that they'd have to talk to me. I can't read your mind sir. Please...anything! These are the ones that get irritated the easiest. They don't tell me anything and get mad because I didn't bring their pasta out like they like it. Oops. My bad.


What stupid things do people say, that drive you to drink, at work?

New Shoes

So I worked this weekend. And I think my feet might have died and fallen off. See, I had to get new shoes on Friday before work because mine look like this.

Why yes, that is a huge hole in the side of my shoe. My pinky toe was sticking out of it. Anybody who's worked in a restaurant for a year can tell you that this is common with shoes. They get worn the fuck out super fast and it sucks. 

So anyway...I grabbed the cutest pair that Walmart had and tried some on. I didn't wanna get Walmart ones but I didn't have time to order from Shoes for Crews so I had to settle. My new ones were super lite weight compared to these. So I grabbed my shoes, some insoles and got the eff outta there before I spent anymore money than I wanted to. 

Then I worked a double on Friday. And by Friday night I thought I was gonna die. My feet were so miserable and I just wanted to take my shoes off. I got home after my double, popped a prescription strength advil that Blake gave me from his dr, and passed out by 10. 

Saturday I didn't have to put the bitches back on until 4. And then I worked until 1130. Again, I was dying. See, I hadn't put the insoles in them yet because I can't find any scissors anywhere. And they don't start to hurt until the end of the night. But when they start to hurt, I turn into a little baby and wanna cry and have everybody carry me. 

And then I worked a double yesterday and wore the shoes without insoles again. What is my problem? I guess I like pain. I don't really know. And I work a double today. Why???

My feet are sure gonna hate me. Did you know that when your feet hurt everything hurts? Well it does, and it sucks. 

Moral of the story...don't buy new shoes if you're going to have to wear them for approximately 25 hours. It's not fun. 

Linking up.

These are My Day Savers

So yesterday I tried to post a really whiny post on how much my blog sucks right now. My internet decided not to work as I tried to hit publish. That's probably a good thing. Because I read it again tonight, and jeez I sounded like an asshole. But that's neither here nor there.

All I want to say is that I don't enjoy this space as much as I used to. And that makes me feel all the sads. I still get excited about it, but at the same time, I'm not receiving much feedback. I have my besties who always comment and I love them so much for it, but I would like to hear from other people too. Lezbehonest, everybody wants to open their email and see some new comments from people. And if you say you don't, I'm judging you and probably giving you some dirty look. When the comments stop coming, the blog starts lacking. I know that's also my issue though. I don't really have any great material right now. I just can't think of anything original or "good enough." I know I'm my harshest critic but I feel that if I don't think something on my blog is great, than you probably don't either. That needs to change like yesterday. So throw me a bone...help me find my way back here. I want to be here.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I feel better.

I had a shitty night at work last night. I don't wanna talk about it but it made me think, there are things in life that were created for servers who have a shitty night at work. And it's my job to tell you about them. So here we go.

1. Booze 

Seriously after you've been yelled at, put up with annoying children, put up with elderly people who just don't understand how things work, and shitty tips...you can always rely on the bottle to pick you back up. You've seen Waiting right? Servers really do go out to the bar to drink off a long day. 

2. Shoe insoles

We stand up. Allllll day. And we continuously walk around. A good pair of insoles can make even the worst days better. But those bitches wear out way to fast. Seriously after 4 weeks I need new ones. And I'm too cheap for new ones. So if you want to send me some I'll love you forever. 

3. DVRS

 I know, you think they were made for you. Nope, no way, wrong. They're made for people who work nights and don't get to watch good TV until after it's been on for everybody else to see. After a long, maybe kinda shitty day at work, I get so excited when I come home and realize all my favorite shows were on and I can watch them without commercials! Hahaha suckers, no commercials for this girl. 

4. A Sense of Humor

Because after a long day at work, when you're out boozing it up with other servers, you gotta laugh at that one idiot server who just sucks. Or the asshole customers and the evil shit you might have done to them. Or the fact that you're getting made fun of and you need a quick comeback. 

5. Beds

Obviously. After a long night sometimes all you want to do is curl up in a ball and taste your own salty tears while Netflixing your life away. Not that I'd know or anything. There's nothing that your favorite blanket and big pillows can't cure. If you don't love your bed that much, there's something wrong. 

I just love this song. And it makes me happy. Which I need after a long day at work!

Waiting Tables Wednesday w.2

You know what...I get paid to watch people eat. It's weird. I mean, when you think of serving you don't think to yourself "oh yeah, my job is going to consist of watching people eat." At least I didn't, not until another server brought it to my attention. And I haven't forgotten it since.

A couple of weeks ago I was waiting on this nice elderly couple. That's about all that comes into OG, but you still needed to know that. As I was watching these people eat, I noticed that they hardly said anything to each other. Unlike our generation, it wasn't because they were nose deep in their facebook feed. I don't really know why it was.

But it got me thinking. Which I do a lot when I'm working because when we're slow, it's just what I do to make the time pass. Do people ever run out of things to say to each other? Can you be with somebody for so long that you don't have anything left to say? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I want this.

I can see both sides, because I've thought about it a lot. My first thought was that they were so content in their relationship that they've had together that they can just sit in silence and feel content. I'm a romanticist so I wanted to believe this. I want to believe that people are so happy that they just don't have to talk. I mean, sometimes Blake and I don't talk to each other. And it's not because we're unhappy. I know that some people will disagree with that but to each their own.

Or are they just not speaking to each other because they're unhappy? But they won't get a divorce because they've been together for so long that it's just convenient and easy to stay together. I really don't want this to be the case. I can't imagine just being together because it's what you're used to.

I mean there's always something to say. Whether it be I love you, go fuck yourself, or you're hogging the blankets, there's always something. But isn't there always a story to tell? Do you think people run out of stories? If that's the case, maybe you're around each other too much. But that's an easy fix.

I know that I don't ever want to stop having stories to tell. I don't want to stop talking to Blake.

What are your thoughts? Do you think people can really run out of stuff to say to each other? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Waiting Tables Wednesday

I know that you all love some good ol' OG stories. I can't blame you. I enjoy reading other people's rants about whatever restuarant they work at. It's a good time had by all. And boy, do I have a story for you.

So, incase you haven't seen any commercials and/or are living under a rock, our Unlimited Pasta Bowl is back. Cue sadness and anger from any OG server anywhere. The people that come out for this defintiely let their freak flags fly. They don't give a fuq. Unlimited pasta for $10?!?!?! Fuck yeah, I'll take 5489461 refills please.

Well, Tuesday night, as I was hungover and serving, my last table of the night came in. And I could just tell. I could just tell that they were pot loving hippies. No shame in their game. I don't really care either way, but sometimes I judge (ok, I judge a lot) and I didn't figure there would be a nice tip in this for me. So, seeing as how I had 2 other tables with the possibility of bigger tips, these guys were at the bottom of the totem pole. But none of my tables were needy so they got good service.

It was a mom, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. I had somebody else get their drinks because I was a little busy at the moment. I went up to their table and just knew that pasta bowl was what they were gonna order. And they did. All 3 of them. Not a big deal. They all wanted salad too. So I brought their salad out and went along with my little routine. I left them be, because honestly, they didn't really want much at the beginning.

As my other tables left, I started to hokey pokey the floor around them and fill my sugars and salt and pepper. As I was hokeying, I saw a pot leaf tattoo on the boyfriend's leg. So it was confirmed. I finally went back and asked if I could refill anything for them. They were still on first drinks, first bowl, first salad, and first bread after 25 minutes. That shit is crazy for Olive Garden. They said yeah and were ready to place their refill orders. This is where shit started being weird. See, you can add unlimited protein options as well, for an extra $2.99. Well, the mom and the daughter didn't get any extras on their first bowl but they wanted to see if they could get some on the second. I told them that if I could it would charge them. I couldn't figure out how to get it on there (I've since learned) and told them I couldn't do it. I honestly didn't want to take the time to find a manager and ask. When they ordered their refills, they told me that they had a gift card and really didn't want to go over that amount. No big deal, I figured it was a $50 gift card.

I continue on with my business. And now they start to ask for refills of everything. I tell them I'll bring them new drinks. They try to hand me their glasses. I'm like, "No, I'll bring you another glass." They fought with me about it until I told them that we were supposed to bring fresh glasses for refills. And then the mom asked for more cheesy bread. Wait what? We don't have cheesy bread. She meant breadsticks but continued to call it cheesy bread for the rest of their dinner. As I'm cleaning again, I hear the boyfriend say "We need to go to the store before they close so I can get the fake stuff. I'm out." I thought to myself, well, good for you for not having any shame and making sure everybody knows. lol.

As they're finishing up I go and get their check. I come back and place it on the table and give them my little check talk. I continue to clean and I hear the mom tell the kids that nice fancy places like this already include your tip in the ticket.

Great, there goes my tip. I listen to her blabber for about two more minutes before I have to say something. I get all polite and say "Ma'am, I don't mean to interrupt, but I want you to know that at Olive Garden, we never put any gratuities on the ticket unless there are 8 or more entrees. We don't want you to feel pressured to tip." She replied with "Oh, no honey, I'm not talking about you." Bitch please! I just heard what you said.

I take their book back to cash them out and they have teh gift card and cash. The ticket was only like $40 bucks. I was confused at this point. Their gift card was only for $25. They seriously thought that they could come in, have two $10 dinners, and a $13 dollar dinner, plus three pops for about $9 all for $25??

At least I got a good laugh.

Pop Some Bottles

Who doesn't love to celebrate? Seriously? Whether we're celebrating being alive, birthdays, holidays, mini goals, accomplishing goals, or we're already just white girl wasted and we're celebrating that, we all love it. Don't pretend you don't love to pop some bottles!

So when I saw that my lover face Jordan had joined a link up called Celebrate Everything, I told her I loved it and I was gonna join too, a couple days late of course. Hopefully the link up is still open!

Here's what I'm popping some bottles about this week.

My aunt has been released from her cardiologist to go back to work after a year long battle with cancer. She won!

Megan is a craft beer lover and has been really awesome and given me some recommendations of what to try. First, I was gonna try RJ Rockers Son of a Peach. But my podunk little ass town didn't have any. None. I called 5 liqour stores (including a Macadoodles), 2 grocery stores, and a gas station, but couldn't find shit. So what did Megan offer to do...send me some in the mail! Bam. Love her. And I'm probably going to have to hit her up for her favorite pumpkin beer too! I'll look first though!

I've been at OG for a year. I got a nice little pin and the best part is that I should qualify for a bonus check. Bam! I can't wait to find out if I get it or not. And I got another raise from them also. It's only when I'm hosting but I'll take a raise. Hell yeah!

Blake got an awesome opportunity to go to Cincinnati with his job. He gets to go to Visa HQ to learn customer service for the brand of cards he represents. They only selected two people and he was one of them. When he comes back they're going to hire a bunch of people and he gets to train them on customer service. Hopefully this eventually leads to a promotion for him.

 I joined a fantasy football team. It's mostly dudes. So I picked the name Tittsburg Feelers. I love it. Because I love boobs. But you knew that. Need a name? Go visit Sarah, she'll help you out.

I'm going to see Blake Shelton and Keith Urban in October. Maybe Florida Georgia Line if tickets are cheap enough. Eeeeep! This will be the second time I've seen Keith. I LOVE him.

This weekend is tax free weekend here in Missouri. Best believe I'm doing as much shopping as I can. I'm a little too excited.

It's almost time for our annual summer party at Blake's house. Shit gets crazy. If any of you wanna come please do! I love your faces. =)

People of Olive Garden

I love my job most days. If not, I would have left by now. I think that one of the best things about it are the people that come in. Seriously, I die at least once a day. So today, I'll let you pretend that you're an OG employee and you can meet some of the people of Olive Garden. 

1. Unlimited Salad/Soup and Bread Eater

Yes, everybody knows we have unlimited salad. But this person/group likes to take it to the extreme. I'm talking 4 refills of salad within the first 15 minutes. People love the word unlimited, and they make sure they get their money's worth. I'm all "Hello dude slow the fuck down, I have other tables to check on and I can't make a salad every 5 minutes for you.!" They'll order another bowl as soon as you bring the prior one out. I'm like "Bitch, eat the one you have in front of you and then we'll see!"

2. The "I've never been to an Olive Garden before" Person

It's our job to make sure the person orders the best shiz off the menu and we give the most perfect service we've ever given in our lives. They wear you out. Making sure they're happy, they like what they have, and that you can get their business again. When really you just want to say "You're not missing much, drive down the road, they have much better Italian food at XYZ." NO, just me? Ooops. 

3. It's Girl's Night Girls

There are two groups of these. And both make me want to stab my eyeballs with a fork and go die a slow death in the freezer. The first group or should we say...the skanks. Yes, the skanks. They come in dressed in their best club attire with their panties showing and their heads held high. They want to pregame and you're here to help them out. Most of the time, one or all can't walk in their heels so watching them leave is totally worth the little tip you get, if you get one. The second group is the mom group. "WOOO, WE'RE KIDLESS TONIGHT!! Pour us all the free samples of wine we can have let's get CARAAAZZZZAYYYY." You pour them their 3 free samples (enough to get a good buzz if you have a good server) and then they never order another drink. Just diet cokes and waters. Real crazy, let me tell you. 

Cute, but not Olive Garden cute. 

Maybe not even cute?

4. This is a First Class Establishment People

These people are sometimes my favorite. They come in all proper like and wait to get to their table. When their table is in a shitty spot, you know about it. When I'm hosting I let them pick their own table. They feel better about themselves when that happens. They get there and ever so eloquently place their cloth napkins right on their laps. They order a water with a lemon, of course, and the most expensive glass of wine you can buy. When you go up to their table for their order, they'll spout off about "Oh, there's no veal on this menu?" or "All of this food is just so regular, do you have something a little more upstanding?" Nope, sure don't. Welcome to a restaurant for middle class America. Would you like fettucine alfredo or chicken alfredo? 

5. Honey, put on your best sweats, we're going to the Olive Garden!!

Ahh yea, the people who come in dressed like they're going to bed. You try and not judge them, but you're already not expecting a tip. I mean, Billy Jo has a tattoo on his neck and his finest dirty holy jeans he can find. And Bobby Anne has her cleavage-baring-two-times-too-small t-shirt on with her nicest pajama pants. It's really funny when they get seated next to first class establishment people. Their hair is probably not brushed or washed. 

I died. This hasn't really happened but you get the idea.

6. Prom Kids

Next year, I'm taking a sabbatical from late March to the middle of May. As a host, it goes like this, you have a reservation for 30 kids. 15 show up. They don't bother to tell you that this is going to be it so you have to be sure to ask them. You go tear apart the table for 30 and just leave it for 15. Come back up front and get dirty teenager looks until they're seated. The boys look confused and the girls look bitchy. It's a wonderful time. As a server, it goes like this, you walk up already bummed because you can't sell booze. You get their drink orders. 14 order water and 1 boy orders a coke. And then gets the evil eye from his girl. You come back with their drinks and they're ready to order. On a good day about 4 of them order entrees, 3 are just going to have salad, and the other 7 aren't gonna eat. And they get the side eye. It's a good thing we grat parties of 8 or larger! Because these kids won't leave anything extra. God forbid they leave mom and dad's money to people who work for a living. 

But they do make you want to dress up again.

7. The Cool Table

This is my personal favorite. I've done all this complaining about these other people, but this table, this is the one that makes my night. They get me and I get them. I don't have to fake smile and I can acutally talk about whatever I want with these people. And I always get a decent tip out of it. Love the cool table. So please, try and be the cool table, you may get something free out of it. I know that I try and help out my cool tables. 

p.s. sorry there are no pictures. My internet quit working and

Shit Not To Do

I was riding the struggle bus yesterday and apparently missed my stop because I'm still on it today.

Yesterday work sucked. I cried like 3 times. My head was not in the game that's for sure. And I don't know if I told you but Sunday night I had a party of 7 (originally 8, one left) that left me $5 on their $100 tab. Sweet huh. Well, apparently I pissed them off because they felt the need to email the manager about me and their experience. And now they get a free $100 gift card. Yay for me. I've never gotten a complaint, and it sucks when it happens. I thought that they were perfectly fine because they never acted upset, asked to speak to a manager, or ever said anything was wrong.

And now I have a blog post. Boom.

Today I'll present you with ways to not be a pain in the ass to anybody that serves you. EVER.

1. If you feel there is a problem, speak up about it. We aren't hear to make you have a miserable experience. We actually want you to have a good time. The better of a time you have, the more likely we'll get a good tip. Most of us want to do a good job, and you aren't doing anybody a favor by giving crappy tips and moping.

2. If your server is with a different table and you need them, wait till they are done talking to the table that just got sat to call them over. Seriously, yesterday I was trying to get drink orders for a family of 4 that had just sat down, when my table right behind them says "Yeah, hey can we get more breadsticks." Are you fucking serious? Way to be an adult!


3. Try not to overly complicate your order. I know that people have allergies/certain way they like things/aren't used to eating here, but the harder you make it for me to put your food in, the longer it will probably take to come out. I do want to make you happy and I'll do my best to accommodate you but don't order a salad with a different type of lettuce then what we use, without pepperoncinis, extra tomatoes, onion, and croutons, with ranch and house dressing on the side. Oh, and then yeah, we do want those pepperoncinis after all.

4. I'm more than happy to get whatever you need but I'd appreciate it if you'd ask all at one time. I'd rather get you a drink refill, a salad refill, more napkins, and breadsticks in one trip then four. Because walking back and forth that much gets really old really fast. I'd like to stand in the side station and take a damn breath for a minute. And talk to the other servers so we can share our war stories.

5. Children. This shit gets subpoints. It's not that servers don't like children, we just don't like them when they're in our section. Read this article. It's hilarious.
    - subpoint A. Don't let your child throw food all over the floor. I understand babies can't help it, but for             the love of all things holy, help clean it the fuck up. Where I work we have hokies, things that look like vaccuums but don't make any noise, they don't pick shit up. They just smear wet baby drooled on food in the floor. And if I have to touch it with my hands, you're gonna be voodoo dolled later on.
   - subpoint B. You're five year old doesn't know the different kind of pastas we have. They don't understand that there are different kinds of pasta. Don't keep me at your table for 10 minutes trying to get your child to decide what kind of pasta they want. You're the damn adult, you decide.
  - subpoint C. Don't let them run around like hellions. This isn't your home. We carry big trays of hot ass food with hot ass plates on them. When little Billy Joe gets first degree burns from my food and I lose my job because you're making OG pay your hospital bills, I'll be pissed. Keep them on a leash!!


Now when you go eat, think of me. It'll make you smile. =)

What I'm Thinking...

I've officially been a big girl and served by myself for a week now. Go me. I guess. lol. The whole time I'm serving I have a steady stream of thoughts running rhough my mind. And I thought I would share those with you today. Boom!

" Let's make money!!!"

"I don't want too many tables, I still want to be able to do well."


"Dammit, Danielle (my favorite hostess with the mostess), why did you seat me again?!?!"


"SMILE, bitch."


"Oh great, they want soup and salad. Woohoo let's run our asses off for hardly any tip."


" Why is the damn soup empty. *Yells to the kitchen* We NEED zupa!"


5 minutes later "What the fuck. This lady needs her soup. Why are you being so fucking slow, are you personally making the sausage for the soup today?"


"Finally got my soup. Wooo. Don't slosh it all over the bowl. Be careful. Walk slow."


"I don't want to be on a party. I've been doing this for 4 days. Dammit Karla." (the wonderful hostess with the mostess that trained me. She's great.)


"Breathe, don't let those tears fall out of your eyes. Get your shit together right now."

"This table makes me uncomfortable. I know what I'm doing. Fuck, maybe I don't"


"I totally have this."


"I'm on short side, weird."


"Everything is backwards over here. AHHHHH"


"Great, this lady complained her salad was too small. It was proportioned out right!"


"Mango tea...we don't have that. EWWWW we're putting thick ass mango syrup in it. Yuck"


"Now she doesn't like her food. I can handle this."


"Great, teenagers. Thanks for the $3 tip on the $65 dollar ticket. I hope your mom and dad make you work in a restaurant. Brats"


"Complaining lady and her man friend love me. Sweet!"


"Oh yay, a lady and her two year old who want soup and salad for dinner...I'll be nice and not charge her for her two year old who won't even take more than 2 bites of anything."


"Thanks for the $2 tip lady with the two year old. Glad that you were gracious enough for two whole dollars. Next time I won't do you any favors."


"Is it time to go home yet?"


"NO, I don't want to be on your damn party. I was off for three days and I'm rusty. Fuck."


"Ohhhh they complimented me to the manager and left me a nice tip. Thank you weird mango tea lady!"


"When am I gonna be phased?"


"Gawww...who needs to exercise when they can be a server. My fucking body hurts. My bra is soaking wet from the sweat. I hate boob sweat."


"I need a shower. I feel like I'm in a wet t-shirt contest."


"Is it time to go, is the back door open for a break?"


"Ahhh I got my phase slip and the door is open, break time!"

"Now I need to clean my section, oh look, they're sitting another server here! Score, I don't have to clean today."


"Count my monies...not the best day. Oh well."


"Peace out OG!"

Read about My Weekend If You're Not Tired of Weekends Yet

What a weekend.

I took no pictures though. Sorry. Well, I did but they're of the sky, and they're on my instagram so you should go look at them. Now. I'll wait....


Ok, I see you're back now. Hope you enjoyed them. I was half tempted to talk about them so that you'd have to go look. But I won't. Just go look if you haven't yet. My weekend was low key. Just how I like it. Friday night I worked as a server for the first time on a Friday. That shit was crazy! I only teared up like twice. But I told myself to get it together or go home. I got it together. Which is a damn good thing because I ended up with a nice chunk of change for the day.

Saturday I got up early to go home and shower and do laundry.But the only thing I did was lay around and watch the CMT awards with my momma. Then Blake text me earlier than I thought he would and we went puppy shopping! I wanted them all. It didn't matter if they were boys, girls, disfigured; I wanted them all. We went to two humane societies and Petsmart. If I'm being honest, he was being a little picky. I know that's his right but a puppy is a puppy. At least to me. We finally found one we wanted and it turned out that she had kennel cough. We couldn't bring her home =( We couldn't risk his other dogs, the two cats, and my dog getting it. And they won't hold her for us. Sigh. Hopefully she's still there in 10 days when she's done with her meds. Fun fact, it's harder for black animals to be adopted from humane societies than any other color. And she's black, and sick, and isn't fixed. There is hope!

We came home, he mowed. I sat on the porch swing and played on my phone. Typical girlfriend duties. Then we spread lime all through the yard. Well, he spread it. I watered the ground so it would take. It was fun but I'm easily entertained. Who mows and then has somebody water the ground? Yeah, beats me.

We finished Saturday night off with his best friend and his fiance. We went over to there place and played some Presidents and Assholes. I highly recommend this drinking game. More about it tomorrow!

Sunday Funday wasn't the funnest! I actually slept in for once. Shocker. It was time to go home and start to clean Teagan's room. It's not as easy as it sounds. I got overwhelmed in an hour and threw in the towel for the time being. I still have more to do. My gma bought her all new furniture and I had to go pick it up and bring it home. So off Blake and I go to the Import Warehouse to get it. And then to my house to put it up. That shit was fucking heavy. I've never moved before, so moving furniture was quite an adventure for me. It's still in the boxes but at least it's in her room!

That's all I've got. Sorry for no pictures. I know, pretty boring. Hope you have a great week cupcakes. Sorry for the weekend review, if nobody reads it I understand. I can't stand when I do them either.

Why I Better Be Able to Waitress Where Ever I Want

Happy Monday cupcakes.

I had the longest weekend ever possible. Ever.

Server training was this weekend and jeeez am I ready for that shit to be over. I've had to take a beverage test, a menu test, a server test, a safety and sanitation test and everybody's favorite, an alcohol test. And not the cool kind that tells you whether or not you're an alcoholic. No, the kind that asks what to do when people are already intoxicated when they come to eat, or how many beers a shot is equal to. Tests, tests, and more fucking tests. I think I can tell you anything about the OG menu. ANYTHING. I almost cried myself to sleep last night trying to study for the beverage test. So many drinks to know. And of course, I could remember my personal favorites, beer and margaritas, but not a lot of other shit.

3 pages worth of notes front and back. And I wasn't even done. For one test.

I took my first table by myself yesterday. I did decent. I had three tables and after everything was said and done, bussers and bartenders were tipped out...I made a weasly 10 doll hairs. But it's better than nothing. I was so nervous on that first table. Instead of asking if they'd like cheese on their soup/salad I would say "would you like soup/salad on your soup/salad." I felt like an idiot. I've served before so why the nerves? WHY??? But the next table was much better! I even got them to take some samples of wine and they each had a glass too! So my alcohol sales are great. I would be great at serving booze. On a different note though, when somebody is offering a free sample of wine, why would you turn it down? I don't get it. Well, there are some reasons I get, but hello, please pour me all the free samples you'd like! And just so you know, you can get up to three free samples of wine at Olive Garden. Enough to get a good buzz going.

That's how I spent my weekend. Fun stuff, let me tell you. I'm not complaining though. Ok, a little. In the end it will be worth it. I hope.

I signed up for the Itty Bitty Beauty Swap over at Chaotic Goddess Swaps. I love make-up. Not that you would ever know because I hardly ever wear it, but a chance to get some more, I'm all up for that!

My swap partner was Courtney from Air Force Wife & Our Life. She sent me a pretty little package. Everything was wrapped in pink tissue paper...what could be better! 

First she sent me this neat little compact! It's one of the ones where you pick out your own colors to put in it. I didn't even know that e.l.f. made this and I think it's pretty cool! 

Obviously this isn't my picture but I told her I was in the market for a good nude lip color...and I love this one! It looks way more brown in the picture. It's perfect!

A regular and waterproof mascara duo. Schwing!

And this eyeliner pen. I'm kinda nervous to try it. I had a different one once and it was weird. It's literally like ink. I put my eyeliner on the rim of my eye and the one time I used the other one it got all in my eye. But, it didn't hurt Just scared the hell out of me and turned my eyeball black black for a little bit. 

So thank you Cortney. You did wonderful!!

And in other blogger news...this building right here is a Chipotle coming to yours truly! Yes, I've never been to Chipotle. How am I even a blogger? I don't know. But as soon as it opens I'll be in line and then I'll blog all about it. When I get fat, it's your fault. 

Born to be Famous

I haven't done Friday's Letters in awhile so I thought that's what I'd do for today! Let's just get to it.

Dear Work, I'm really happy you guys have decided to let me serve but really disappointed with the fact that we hired that girl. I guess I'll put on my big girl panties and deal with it though. I have no choice. 

Dear Weekend, It's Memorial Day weekend and I hope to go visit those I've lost. It will be therapeutic. Also, I work doubles Friday and Saturday but I'm off on Sunday. That never happens. 

Dear Not-So-Little Girl, I love you so much. I'm gonna miss you while you're gone with your grammy. I know you'll have fun though. Unfortunately our summer visitation schedule starts and I have to share you more than I'm used to. Womp womp. 

she picked her own outfit...born to be famous, yes she is

Dear Customers, You've been assholes lately. Please stop. I don't understand why you get offended at a table I seat you at. And then when I offer you a different table you get your panties in a wad and huff and puff "no, this is fine." Whatever. 

Dear Blake, I'm so happy you got a job! And it's one that you want. I know you'll do great because you're you. And you're really good at sales/telemarketing. I love you. Also, I'm sorry about Max. I know you loved him so much. I just don't know what to say.

Dear Trixie, Little dog, I love the shit out of you. However, I told you not to get used to Mimi being home all day. That she was gonna get a job. And you got used to it and ignored me all the time. RUDE. But you're coming back around now. You're my best friend. True story. And I miss cuddling with you. 

Dear Blog Loves, Happy Friday!! Thanks for being here for me all the time. You're too sweet. And I love you guys. Reading blogs is the best time suck ever. True story.  

And since I'm blogging on a Friday for the first time in like ever...of course I have to link up to Whitty's #backthatazzup Friday

I've been obsessing over this song for like a week now. I know it's not new, but right now I can't get enough of it. Have you ever looked up the lyrics? Shit is all over the place!

What I Used To Do

I don't think most of you know this but when I started this blog, I was a pizza delivery driver. Yep, I did the boys' job. And looking back, I loved the shit out of it. I never would have left if the company wouldn't have fucked me over. Seriously, I got paid to listen to music and leave my place of employment all the time. Couldn't get better than that. And now, since I'm not always having great feelings about my current job, I sometimes day dream about whether or not I should go back. And then I remember, the pay has gone down. And that within itself, means I don't wanna go back.

And delivering pizza is cool because Glen does it too! 

- Cardinal directions. So this is the biggy that I took from this job. Seriously, one of the most life saving skills ever. People come in to OG and ask for directions to places all the time. And I may not always know exactly where whatever they want is at. But I can point them in the general direction. 

- Somebody out there has a house that is dirtier/trashier/smellier than yours will ever be. Leaving you to feel like a million dollars. When I pulled up to some houses, I'd shudder. And then smile because although my place isn't the damn cleanest, I don't live like that. 

- Teens and college kids will never tip you with money, but they will try and give you some pot or liquor. This always gave me a good laugh. And they were genuinely nice college kids. They almost always asked if I wanted to stay for a while or come back after work. Thanks but no thanks. 

- This isn't conclusive to delivering pizza but to working in the restaurant industry in general. Some people think that you are scum of the Earth because you work at a restaurant. They'll assume you're worthless, lazy, uneducated  and a welfare receiving bum. Those people always got their 2 liter shaken up. Or their pizza wasn't perfectly in the box. And I spoke really well around them. It was my job to make them feel like idiots. 

- I learned just how far I could go on E until I ran out of gas. And it was fun. Lol. 

- People are kinda dumb sometimes. You'll knock on their door and they'll ask who is it? Well, aren't you expecting the pizza person?? Or they just won't answer at all and you'll learn they aren't home. Where do they go? Oh ya know, to the grocery store or to run an errand. "You said it'd be 30 minutes and I had something I needed to do! I'm so sorry, can you wait for me to get home?" That one always made me a little mad. Especially because our deliveries were timed and it would hurt my time. 

That's all I've got today. just some fun stuff for you. Ok, maybe it's fluff. Whatever. See you on the flip side!

p.s. I really want some damn pizza now. 

Titles Suck

Good morning cupcakes. I hope you all have a wonderful Friday!

First things first, I'm linking up with Whitney for #backthatazzup Friday. We were on Twitter yesterday talking about what song I might use. I definitely had to use what we talked about. It was just perfect. How about some SSSSSSS Club! What did the S stand for anyway? Anybody care to refresh me. If this doesn't make you feel like 12 year old again, then I don't know what will. Back when ABC Family played good programming. Not that PLL or Secret Life crap. And yes, I do watch Secret Life, it's so bad. 

Dear Trixie, I missed you so very much while I was gone. And yesterday when I came home it was obvious you missed me. It made my heart hurt a little to leave you again. OK, a lot. I love you little dog and I just wanna squeeze you and lay under the blankies and watch tv all day. Hopefully soon.

Dear Spring, Did you forget that you arrived on the 20? Did Winter bully you into letting her stay? Well if she did you better go talk to Mother Nature and let her fix this shit. We were all counting on you and now we're kinda irritated. But if it wasn't your fault you can show your head like anytime now! K thanks.

Source: Angela on Pinterest

Dear Blake, I missed you while I was gone. But I think you missed me more. And that makes me smile. =) It's nice to know that somebody really does miss you when you're gone. I love you. Thanks for everything!

Dear Teagan, Little girl I miss you already. I hope that you're having a good time still! I'm sure that grammy is spoiling you like crazy. Wouldn't surprise me. Come home soon k?

Dear Work,  We need to become best friends and real quick like. I get to spend today and all weekend working doubles. Please be easy on me. I want a smooth night tonight to set up for the weekend.

Dear Lovelies, Thanks for reading my blog. It really means a lot. I just like y'all so much. I love getting to know new people and most of you are cooler than the people I meet in real life. Whyyyyy can't we all live so close together?? Why???

That's all! Love your faces and stuff.

It's a PARRTAAYY

I'm back! I had to go on hiatus last week. My mind is becoming "what am I going to write tomorrow and the next day and the next...etc." and I don't want to be like that. So Happy Monday to ya! I know, most of you hate Mondays but I don't. It's like my Saturday. Except that this morning the little bitch reared her head later than when I expected her to and she froze my car door shut AGAIN. Thus making Mini late to school and this blog post later than what I wanted. But it's back to being a good day.


Saturday was Teagan's birthday party. (I don't use her name on here very often but I should) I mean I picked it because I liked it so I should use it. Well, that's a lie. Her dad picked it because I was so happy she was a girl I said you can name her whatever you want. Thank god her name isn't something like Chaniqua Chandelier. Crazy pregnancy hormones make you do things like tell the child's dad that he can pick a name. Anyway....This week she turns the big old 5! I had her birthday party this Saturday and it was great! She got a lot of stuff (like always, she's a bit spoiled) and had a great birthday. It was an ice cream party! I got stuff to make sundaes and floats. Nobody made a float and now I have extra soda which we don't drink at home. I'll let the pictures do the talking.

A cupcake cake!

This was an accident but it's cute as hell.

The birthday princess.

Princess Crown earrings...see...a princess. 

Blowing out her candles. Like her short hairs up front? She did that when I went to see Luke.

After her party we went to her birthday dinner at Applebee's. Where I proceeded to accidentally get drunk on Long Islands. But I only had two! I'm a cheap date. After that we came home and played with all of her new toys. Then it was adult time. The plan was to keep drinking. But I had lost my buzz and boyfriend's parents were home and we don't drink around them. Long story for another day. So we decided to watch The Walking Dead! SPOILER ALERT...don't keep reading if you haven't started the third season....

I've been waiting for Lori to die. I can't stand her. She is a terrible wife and mom. Oh, let me ignore my kid, Oh, let me sleep with my husband's best friend (in her defense, she thought he was dead, but still!) I just didn't like her. So I was excited for this to happen. But then it happened...and I sobbed uncontrollably. It broke my heart. I won't say how she died in case you kept reading this and haven't seen it yet. But it was so sad! Ugh. I stayed up until 5 am watching it which was a bad decision because it was the same night as the time change. I got to watch us all lose an hour. Groan. 

And that led us to Sunday...I was pretty disgruntled all day. I even wrote a post for you guys. But I didn't publish it. It was long the lines of "eff this, every thing gets on my nerves, eff eff eff." Fun huh. It's funny to read now. I went to work and found out that I got a 20 cent raise! I got a 4 out of 5 on my 6 month review which is pretty awesome! I'm super excited. 

Hopefully I can write more this week. We'll see. Have a great day loves!

A Little of This and That

Happy Wednesday cupcakes! We're almost to Friday, which I don't really care about but Friday leads us to Saturday and I'm having Mini's birthday party Saturday! So exciting. There will probably be a picture overload just so ya know.

Today is also the day that my giveaway winner is announced. And the winner is..........comment number 11.

Hilary from The Clever Life 

Congrats girl! 

I was gonna do OHP today but I'm not really feeling it. So I decided to show you all the randomness I have going on.

A week from today Mini will be 5. Gasp. That's a big number over here folks. She's gonna start school that I don't have to pay for! Yay. lol. It's just so hard to grasp that she's been by my side for 5 whole years. We went to dinnner last night and she was working on her words. Here's what she wrote for me.

And i cried. Not even kidding. It's shark week so that helped too. 

Yesterday I ran by a convenience ( i can never spell that word right, thank goodness for Chrome's spellcheck) store. I got my change back from the guy, no big deal. Then I get home and go to put the money in my wallet because I didn't wanna lose it and I saw this. 

Is that not awesome or what?? I died. Kudos to you money drawer...even though it's a felony. 

They have such stupid rules. 

So I'm about to go on a rant for a second. Although I'm not a server, and I don't live off of a tipped wage, I used to be and I still want to be. If you think that you can afford to go out and eat then by all means go, but IF and only IF you are planning on tipping. Seriously. These girls work there asses off and then some little college aged girl with daddy's money comes in and they don't tip. They said that there server was wonderful and they were really nice to her the whole time. So what gives? And on top of that, they knew some of the staff that works there. I would be embarrassed to go somewhere to eat where I know people and I know that I'm not going to tip. With the day and age it is, you best believe they were contacted by the girl that knew them. She called them out and their response was "I only have $40 for the next week." Fucking wah. If you don't have enough money to tip, don't come. And if you only have $40 for a week and you're eating Olive Garden on Monday, I sure as hell don't believe that's all the money you have. Olive Garden is kinda pricey  Maybe you should try McDonald's or the grocery store where you get a lot more for your money. 

Sorry it's kinda blurry. 

I also haven't stuck to my guns and I'm doing multiple swaps this month. I love them and I can't help it. Packages are fun! And it's fun when you have people who actually talk to you. I'm in one swap that my partner has barely communicated and I'm a little bummed about it =( But oh well! This one is a birthday swap. No, my birthday isn't this month but I love March for some reason. So I decided to join. It's a favorite things swap and since I'm sending out one box of my favorite things, I figured two would be pretty awesome!

Signups are open until the 8th! And last but certainly not ever least, I finally get to watch the first half of season 3 of The Walking Dead!!! Boyfriend downloaded it so that I would let him watch the new episodes. Apparently he's been doing that behind my back. Rude! I went to bed early Sunday night and woke up at 8 because it was on and I could hear it. I refused to let him watch it. He told me that I don't have to watch it and to just go back to sleep so he could watch it. No way mister. If I know it's on then I can't fall back asleep. So he changed it and downloaded it that night! Love him. And I thought this was super funny because well, it's true. I don't like either one of these characters. I know what happens to one of them and I'm excited to see it. 

Haha

And The Walking Dead has an app where you can zombiefy yourself. It's pretty awesome sauce.

Yep, I may be a sick freak sometimes. But I was bored and thought it would be fun! Happy Wednesday y'all!  I'm linking up with Shanna from Because Shanna Said So