I Just Wanna Go to the Lake!

Oh Monday, thanks for coming around and rearing your ugly head in your usual fashion. My weekend was so good that I didn't even have time to write this last night. And now I'm sitting on the edge of being late because I overslept. And I forgot to start the laundry with my beautiful work clothes in them. I'm probably going to be late today.

I have court tonight. Womp womp. I got a ticket for my headlight being out. I was just gonna let it go and pay it, but that shit is $100! One hundred dollars for a stupid fucking headlight? Are you for real right now? I went and had that shit fixed and hopefully the judge just lets me go.

I don't really have anything for you this morning. Except one gem of a video. Please turn your speakers down or plug in headphones. Your bosses don't want to hear this. And you don't want them to hear it. I posted this on my fb originally but I just think it's so damn hilarious/wtf? that I had to show it to you guys. Just promise you'll watch it!



Just know that you're not as crazy as you think you are! And show it to your husbands and manfriends. Threaten them with this. I'll bet you get what you want for a couple days. 
Happy Monday cupcakes. 

People of Olive Garden

I love my job most days. If not, I would have left by now. I think that one of the best things about it are the people that come in. Seriously, I die at least once a day. So today, I'll let you pretend that you're an OG employee and you can meet some of the people of Olive Garden. 

1. Unlimited Salad/Soup and Bread Eater

Yes, everybody knows we have unlimited salad. But this person/group likes to take it to the extreme. I'm talking 4 refills of salad within the first 15 minutes. People love the word unlimited, and they make sure they get their money's worth. I'm all "Hello dude slow the fuck down, I have other tables to check on and I can't make a salad every 5 minutes for you.!" They'll order another bowl as soon as you bring the prior one out. I'm like "Bitch, eat the one you have in front of you and then we'll see!"

2. The "I've never been to an Olive Garden before" Person

It's our job to make sure the person orders the best shiz off the menu and we give the most perfect service we've ever given in our lives. They wear you out. Making sure they're happy, they like what they have, and that you can get their business again. When really you just want to say "You're not missing much, drive down the road, they have much better Italian food at XYZ." NO, just me? Ooops. 

3. It's Girl's Night Girls

There are two groups of these. And both make me want to stab my eyeballs with a fork and go die a slow death in the freezer. The first group or should we say...the skanks. Yes, the skanks. They come in dressed in their best club attire with their panties showing and their heads held high. They want to pregame and you're here to help them out. Most of the time, one or all can't walk in their heels so watching them leave is totally worth the little tip you get, if you get one. The second group is the mom group. "WOOO, WE'RE KIDLESS TONIGHT!! Pour us all the free samples of wine we can have let's get CARAAAZZZZAYYYY." You pour them their 3 free samples (enough to get a good buzz if you have a good server) and then they never order another drink. Just diet cokes and waters. Real crazy, let me tell you. 

Cute, but not Olive Garden cute. 

Maybe not even cute?

4. This is a First Class Establishment People

These people are sometimes my favorite. They come in all proper like and wait to get to their table. When their table is in a shitty spot, you know about it. When I'm hosting I let them pick their own table. They feel better about themselves when that happens. They get there and ever so eloquently place their cloth napkins right on their laps. They order a water with a lemon, of course, and the most expensive glass of wine you can buy. When you go up to their table for their order, they'll spout off about "Oh, there's no veal on this menu?" or "All of this food is just so regular, do you have something a little more upstanding?" Nope, sure don't. Welcome to a restaurant for middle class America. Would you like fettucine alfredo or chicken alfredo? 

5. Honey, put on your best sweats, we're going to the Olive Garden!!

Ahh yea, the people who come in dressed like they're going to bed. You try and not judge them, but you're already not expecting a tip. I mean, Billy Jo has a tattoo on his neck and his finest dirty holy jeans he can find. And Bobby Anne has her cleavage-baring-two-times-too-small t-shirt on with her nicest pajama pants. It's really funny when they get seated next to first class establishment people. Their hair is probably not brushed or washed. 

I died. This hasn't really happened but you get the idea.

6. Prom Kids

Next year, I'm taking a sabbatical from late March to the middle of May. As a host, it goes like this, you have a reservation for 30 kids. 15 show up. They don't bother to tell you that this is going to be it so you have to be sure to ask them. You go tear apart the table for 30 and just leave it for 15. Come back up front and get dirty teenager looks until they're seated. The boys look confused and the girls look bitchy. It's a wonderful time. As a server, it goes like this, you walk up already bummed because you can't sell booze. You get their drink orders. 14 order water and 1 boy orders a coke. And then gets the evil eye from his girl. You come back with their drinks and they're ready to order. On a good day about 4 of them order entrees, 3 are just going to have salad, and the other 7 aren't gonna eat. And they get the side eye. It's a good thing we grat parties of 8 or larger! Because these kids won't leave anything extra. God forbid they leave mom and dad's money to people who work for a living. 

But they do make you want to dress up again.

7. The Cool Table

This is my personal favorite. I've done all this complaining about these other people, but this table, this is the one that makes my night. They get me and I get them. I don't have to fake smile and I can acutally talk about whatever I want with these people. And I always get a decent tip out of it. Love the cool table. So please, try and be the cool table, you may get something free out of it. I know that I try and help out my cool tables. 

p.s. sorry there are no pictures. My internet quit working and

Shit Not To Do

I was riding the struggle bus yesterday and apparently missed my stop because I'm still on it today.

Yesterday work sucked. I cried like 3 times. My head was not in the game that's for sure. And I don't know if I told you but Sunday night I had a party of 7 (originally 8, one left) that left me $5 on their $100 tab. Sweet huh. Well, apparently I pissed them off because they felt the need to email the manager about me and their experience. And now they get a free $100 gift card. Yay for me. I've never gotten a complaint, and it sucks when it happens. I thought that they were perfectly fine because they never acted upset, asked to speak to a manager, or ever said anything was wrong.

And now I have a blog post. Boom.

Today I'll present you with ways to not be a pain in the ass to anybody that serves you. EVER.

1. If you feel there is a problem, speak up about it. We aren't hear to make you have a miserable experience. We actually want you to have a good time. The better of a time you have, the more likely we'll get a good tip. Most of us want to do a good job, and you aren't doing anybody a favor by giving crappy tips and moping.

2. If your server is with a different table and you need them, wait till they are done talking to the table that just got sat to call them over. Seriously, yesterday I was trying to get drink orders for a family of 4 that had just sat down, when my table right behind them says "Yeah, hey can we get more breadsticks." Are you fucking serious? Way to be an adult!


3. Try not to overly complicate your order. I know that people have allergies/certain way they like things/aren't used to eating here, but the harder you make it for me to put your food in, the longer it will probably take to come out. I do want to make you happy and I'll do my best to accommodate you but don't order a salad with a different type of lettuce then what we use, without pepperoncinis, extra tomatoes, onion, and croutons, with ranch and house dressing on the side. Oh, and then yeah, we do want those pepperoncinis after all.

4. I'm more than happy to get whatever you need but I'd appreciate it if you'd ask all at one time. I'd rather get you a drink refill, a salad refill, more napkins, and breadsticks in one trip then four. Because walking back and forth that much gets really old really fast. I'd like to stand in the side station and take a damn breath for a minute. And talk to the other servers so we can share our war stories.

5. Children. This shit gets subpoints. It's not that servers don't like children, we just don't like them when they're in our section. Read this article. It's hilarious.
    - subpoint A. Don't let your child throw food all over the floor. I understand babies can't help it, but for             the love of all things holy, help clean it the fuck up. Where I work we have hokies, things that look like vaccuums but don't make any noise, they don't pick shit up. They just smear wet baby drooled on food in the floor. And if I have to touch it with my hands, you're gonna be voodoo dolled later on.
   - subpoint B. You're five year old doesn't know the different kind of pastas we have. They don't understand that there are different kinds of pasta. Don't keep me at your table for 10 minutes trying to get your child to decide what kind of pasta they want. You're the damn adult, you decide.
  - subpoint C. Don't let them run around like hellions. This isn't your home. We carry big trays of hot ass food with hot ass plates on them. When little Billy Joe gets first degree burns from my food and I lose my job because you're making OG pay your hospital bills, I'll be pissed. Keep them on a leash!!


Now when you go eat, think of me. It'll make you smile. =)

I've Got The Bad Touch

Happy Friday cupcakes! Sorry I wasn't around much this week. Still trying to figure out my school schedule and blogging again. Blahhhh. But it's here! The moment we've been waiting for...oh glorious Friday. And since it's Superbowl Weekend...we get to munch out a lot! Yay. I've been waiting for this. And I'm cheering for the Ravens. It's kinda so maybe I can suck up to Raven. Ok, maybe just kinda.

Source: s171.beta.photobucket.com via Danielle on Pinterest

So, this week has been an interesting one for me. I've figured out that over the course of a month, I've broken 5 kind of important things. Let's start from the beginning shall we.

- My Phone. That's what started this horrible breaking trend. You guys already know about that.

- My keychain. See, one day I went out to my car to start it and all my keys were gone. I was like wtf????!!! I came back in and the damn thing had fallen apart. I was a little irritated. I found all my keys and have some of my keychains but I haven't put them back together. I don't know why.

- My car door handle. I told you guys about that too. I don't think I've ever been so mad in my life as I was the night I did that. Just fucking irritating.

- A laptop. Yep, that's right. Somebody stepped on a laptop that was in the room and now the screen is being a little bitch. It's not mine obviously but it's still broken. However, boyfriend found out it has HDMI hookup so it's salvaged =)

And last but certainly not least...

- My car key. Yes, you read that right. The key to my car broke in half Tuesday night. As boyfriend was trying to start the car with it. Luckily, he got the piece out of the ignition. I just couldn't believe it. Luckily I had a spare at home so I called and asked my momma to come rescue me. And the laptop and the key happened on the same damn day. Destiny?

look, it's even a chevy key, just like mine.

Source: cheapisthenewclassy.com via Dawn on Pinterest

Do you have a bad touch?? It seems here lately anything I touch breaks. Did you go through this? lol.

Over It List

I know I know...lack of posts this week is disgusting. I hate it. I really wanted to post yesterday but I was called in to work a double and I really needed to. No time for a blog. Blah I know! But I'm here today. And I have oodles of things I want to write about for once. Too bad I'm only doing one post today. Guess that I'll draft some up for the week too!

This morning I was scrolling through my reader when I saw Miss Sami's post on Thursday. It's an Over It List. She took the idea from Blair at Blair's Head Band but I just had to recreate it. Here's what she has as the definition of and "Over It List." 

" What is an OIL, you ask? It is an itemized rundown of things that, upon seeing/hearing/tasting them, you want to scream, "I AM OVER IT. ENOUGH. WE ARE DONE HERE." Oversaturation and overkill are the name of the game" - Blair from Blair's Head Band

Let's Get Started 

{1} Taylor Swift

Seriously so tired of her "I'm a goody two shoes" act. Girl, you're 22, have more boyfriends

than fat kids love cake. You mean to tell me you aren't sleeping with them? 

PUHLEAASE! I was all pro-Taylor but I'm hopping off the train for a bit.

{2} Babuble/Bubble Necklaces

I just don't get it. 

{3} Zombies

Next please. I just don't understand all the fuss about them. Anybody care to fill me in?

{4} Chevron

That shit makes my head hurt and makes me feel like I'm gonna hurl all over everything.

It just is crazy. It was cute for a minute. Not so much anymore.

{5} J. Crew
Really? Why would you spend so much money to look like a little old lady?
I don't get it. I'll stick to younger-ish looking stores.

{6} Teen Mom
The original girls are done so the show needs to be done. I don't know how you can have
a "typical" teen mom when these girls get paid a shit ton of money to be on this show. Let it go.

{7} Cray
Really? Just say the word. The whole damn word. It's not that long.
Thanks Jay-Z and Kanye. Except people don't get what it's really referring to.

{8} Reality Contest Shows
American Idol, X-Factor, The Voice, SYTYCD, Dancing With The Stars...etc. Please.
I prefer real entertainment!

{9} Chambray
It's denim. Light colored, softer denim. Just admit it.

{10} YOLO 

 

Source: 9gag.com via Falyn on Pinterest

Now, if you dig any of this, it's cool. Buttttttt I'm so ready to say buh-bye to it. We can still be friends =)

Have a great weekend kittens!

This Is What I Do

I've told y'all that I'm a host before. And just like every other job, sometimes it's frustrating. Most often the customers are the ones that drive me bananas. I probably shouldn't be posting this but I'm going to anyway.

First thing - DON'T tell me you want a booth after I've already taken you to your seat. Come on! If you want a booth you need to tell us before because we follow a rotation. And then we have to try and figure out which server has a booth and who's going to take you. I know booths are more comfortable, but shit, you'll get food wherever you sit.

And that brings me to this...Don't be so picky about where you sit. Seriously....I don't want this table, it's in the middle of the room. Wahhhh. Cry about it. I don't like this room, let's go to a different one. This table is too big...I get that one a lot. OG has at least 2 tables that seat 6 in every room...sometimes those will be the only tables left and people refuse to sit there. Or they'll say "Well, there's only two of us, are you sure you want to use this huge table for us..." Yeah bitch, I'm sure. I wouldn't have brought you here if I had something smaller. Again..food tastes the same no matter where you sit.

Don't be rude to me. This encompasses sooooo many people. Like the people who think I'm dumb because I work at a restaurant. I'll ask for a name, and this is the response I get most of the time..."It's Anna, A-N-N-A." Ok, seriously? I do know how to spell. Don't treat me like a moron please. I work here because I chose to, not because I'm illiterate and don't have any other options. How about the people that refuse to talk to me. They're my favorite. They'll be walking out and I'll ask how their dinner was or tell them to have a great night and they refuse to acknowledge me. It's super sweet. They'll look right at me and keep walking. HELLOOOOO I'm a person...say something. lol. It's a good thing I have a filter or I wouldn't have a job.

Why do people come in and get mad if there's a wait? Hello, it's 630 on a Saturday night...what the hell else did you expect? They get all huffy and puffy about it. And then there's the person who gets mad because there's nobody ahead of them but they have to wait...ok here let me help you think of something...maybe I just sat my last open table. Please take your frumpiness about waiting for five minutes out my door. Come back in with a nice attitude please.

What's that you say...you need a private area away from children...I know that place...it's called YOUR HOUSE! Don't come to a restaurant expecting to be seated away from kids. Especially because it's a damn family restaurant. As for a "private" area....ummmm yeah let me just put each person who wants to eat in peace and suck face by themselves....wait...I DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR THAT! Sorry about your luck...it's your anniversary and you want to enjoy some quiet time with you significant other...ummmm they make hotel rooms. =)

I'm not your server. I don't get your money. Please don't tell me everything you want. I'll be more than glad to help you out a little...but I can't take your orders...I need to go back up front and seat some more people before they freak out and throw something at me.

You over there...stop letting your 2 year old run around this place. I have servers walking around with huge trays that are extremely heavy and have hot food and plates on them. I don't want little Tarzan to get hurt so step up and act like a mom lady. Yeah, it's cute the first time...after the 6th time though, I'm trying my hardest not to scream at you.

Yep...we still allow smoking...because this is the midwest. Smokers get to enjoy their fettuccine alfredo just as much as you. Yeah, I'll seat your far away from it. Don't roll your eyes at me when I ask if you have a smoking preference...just tell me non. It's not a big deal. And don't fake cough all the way to your seat as we're passing the smoking area. Get a life.

Look, this is the only interaction I get with people so please try and talk with me as we're walking to your seat. I'm not talking to hear myself. I'm trying to be friendly. And if you don't want to talk...well just give me a one word answer when I ask how your day has been. I'll get it from there. We don't have to talk but don't ignore me when I try and be polite. And get off your damn phone...you're here with people and you should pay attention to them.

Oh you have between 10 and 20 people coming in! Well that doesn't help me any. I need to know the closest number you can give me because I have to know which tables to set up and how many servers are going to be needed. And then there's more of you then you said and there isn't enough room...well shucks! Squeeze in because we have no place else to go! Hahahahaha.

Quite the rant...I know. But I really do like my job. Sometimes people just suck. I can't vent to them so lucky me it's stuck in my head all night. And I thought I would share with you fine people =) If I offended you, I'm sorry. I know there's exceptions to every rule! But fuck sometimes these people drive me crazy.