6 Things You Shouldn't Say to A Server

There are things that as a waitress, I hate to ear. It's like my ears bleed when somebody says some stupid comment. I thought that today was the day to share them with you. In case, ya know, you might have said this. But I know that you guys don't do that. =)

"I'm going to have six other people with me."
They say this when I greet them at their table. No shit, really? I thought that all these extra menus were for you because you have schizophrenia and your different personalities want their own menu. I'm working, not blind or stupid. Save your breath. I got this.

"...no we're going to have 100 people."
This is the answer the hosts get sometimes when they ask people how many there's going to be tonight. Listen, we get that there are only two of you standing in front of us. And yes, we figure it's only going to be you two but we are required to ask. Some people have people join them and if we didn't ask we'd never know. Don't be a smart ass about it. It's redundant to us. Imagine repeating yourself every time you saw a person walk in the door, wouldn't you want to stab your eyeballs out? Please just appease us.

"With bread sticks too."
Again, no fucking shit. This applies to OG mainly, I get that. We know you want bread. That's probably 74% of the reason you came in today. Please don't tell me how to do my job. You'll get your bread. Your 180 calorie per piece bread.

"Do you think that this portion was worth x amount of dollars that I spent on it?"
I've had this conversation, not once, but twice in two weeks. It's embarrassing to put any server in that situation. Listen, some stuff at OG might be overpriced. And I'm sorry you feel that way. However, don't ask me for my opinion. I know better than to say what I think. I need this job and I'm not going to agree with you that your food wasn't quality enough for what you're paying. That could be my job. I had one guy who argued with me about whether or not I had an opinion about it. Like, guy, I'm not going to agree with you so you can go tell my boss and then I get fired. He wouldn't shut his mouth until his wife told him that I really wasn't going to give him my thoughts on the matter. I don't make the rules, I just work here. It's not called "Chloe's Garden." If you don't like what you're paying for the portion you're getting, then tell my manager. Please for the love of all things sparkly, don't ask me!

"We're going to be here for awhile! We haven't seen each other in ages!"
Awesome! You're going to sit at my table - of which I only get three of at a time - for the next 3 hours and only tip me what you would regularly tip if you were only going to be here for a normal length. GREAT! I can't wait to get one less table because you can't catch up at your house. I understand that you want to have a nice visit, but an hour and half max is what a nice visit should be. For every hour you're at my table, I'm losing money. I know this isn't your fault that the company I work for has some odd rules, but hey, work with me here. I'll give you an hour and a half of good service. After that mark, it declines. So please take your lady talk and have it at your house afterwards.

"...."

Then there are the silent ones. The ones that don't say a word when you walk up to the table to introduce yourself to and get their drink orders. And they just sit and stare at each other. No matter how many things you say to them, they don't answer. It's a really confusing situation. I thought people came here because they knew that they'd have to talk to me. I can't read your mind sir. Please...anything! These are the ones that get irritated the easiest. They don't tell me anything and get mad because I didn't bring their pasta out like they like it. Oops. My bad.


What stupid things do people say, that drive you to drink, at work?

19 Cents

Happy last day of work for all you real jobbers out there. I get Thanksgiving off though, so I'm not too bitter about it.

Yesterday I closed the lunch shift at work. It was terrible. I don't understand people. I understand that lunch is cheaper than dinner so tips won't be as much, but I don't understand why expecting 10 percent is expecting too much. I think only tipping 10 percent is cheap, but at least it's 10 percent. Most people have the deceny to do this.

Except ofr yesterday. I worked my ass off the last 3 hours I was at work because we got a rush. And for working from 11 until 430 I only made $42. Yes, technically that's around $7 an hour however, it could have, no scratch that, it should have been more.

You see, yesterday I was stiffed twice. Normally, I understand why I get stiffed. My service wasn't up to par, the food sucked, they waited too long, or they just like to complain about everything. None of this stuff happened to these two gentleman though. We laughed a little bit, I was aware of their drinks, bread, and salad the whole time. None of that stuff was ever low. However, when they left, neither one of them tipped me.

Let me tell you something...In Missouri servers DO NOT make minimum wage. If you think that is the case, than please ask your server how they get paid. Yes, they'll look at you funny, but if you explain to them why you're curious, they'll feel better. My guess is that these gentleman thought I made a wage. I really hope that's what it was.

Getting stiffed is tough, but there are worse things out there. What could they be..well how about a 19 cent tip. Yes, I had an awful table have the audacity to tip me 19 fucking cents. They wrote out 19 cents on their credit card slip. It wasn't even just a keep the change kind of thing. They had to think about it.

See, I've had this table before. I didn't like them the first time and I sure as shit don't like them now. Next time they're seated in my section I will refuse to take it. I don't know if I can give good service to somebody who can be low enough to act like that. Grown fucking adults. It's bad enough we expect it out of teenagers, but I shouldn't be fucked by an adult. Their service wasn't great, but it wasn't terrible. I forgot to bring their bread refill one time. And they snapped at me about it. I'd love to see them do my job.

If you can't/don't want to/won't tip, then please please don't go out to a restaurant. This is how we pay our bills. It sucks having other people decide whether or not my bills are going to be paid. I know that a lot of people feel like servers and wait staff are scum of the earth, illiterate, high school dropouts, but that's not the case. We're single moms, we're kids going to college, we're somebody with a degree who couldn't find a job. There are many reasons why people choose to work in a restaurant. And just because we work in one doesn't mean you're any better than us. We have more compassion in our left pinkies than many people have in their hearts because of this job. We enjoy making people happy, because if we didn't, we sure as hell wouldn't work our asses off doing what we're doing.

Just remember me next time you go eat. Maybe the service isn't up to par, maybe the food sucked. But before you don't tip, take a second and look around you. Look at how much work your server is doing. Look at their faces. Are their eyes blood shot and baggy? Maybe, just maybe they have a reason. Mayve they couldn't sleep last night, maybe they had to go work their second or third job, maybe they're just having a bad day. Servers are allowed to have bad days. Because we're people too. We try not to show that we're having bad days, but some people's faces show it more than others.

Just remember the golden rule, always treat people how you want to be treated. And treat your server that way. You could be the one table to make their shift. The table that sends them home with a smile on their face and a happy heart.

These are My Day Savers

So yesterday I tried to post a really whiny post on how much my blog sucks right now. My internet decided not to work as I tried to hit publish. That's probably a good thing. Because I read it again tonight, and jeez I sounded like an asshole. But that's neither here nor there.

All I want to say is that I don't enjoy this space as much as I used to. And that makes me feel all the sads. I still get excited about it, but at the same time, I'm not receiving much feedback. I have my besties who always comment and I love them so much for it, but I would like to hear from other people too. Lezbehonest, everybody wants to open their email and see some new comments from people. And if you say you don't, I'm judging you and probably giving you some dirty look. When the comments stop coming, the blog starts lacking. I know that's also my issue though. I don't really have any great material right now. I just can't think of anything original or "good enough." I know I'm my harshest critic but I feel that if I don't think something on my blog is great, than you probably don't either. That needs to change like yesterday. So throw me a bone...help me find my way back here. I want to be here.

Now that I've got that out of the way, I feel better.

I had a shitty night at work last night. I don't wanna talk about it but it made me think, there are things in life that were created for servers who have a shitty night at work. And it's my job to tell you about them. So here we go.

1. Booze 

Seriously after you've been yelled at, put up with annoying children, put up with elderly people who just don't understand how things work, and shitty tips...you can always rely on the bottle to pick you back up. You've seen Waiting right? Servers really do go out to the bar to drink off a long day. 

2. Shoe insoles

We stand up. Allllll day. And we continuously walk around. A good pair of insoles can make even the worst days better. But those bitches wear out way to fast. Seriously after 4 weeks I need new ones. And I'm too cheap for new ones. So if you want to send me some I'll love you forever. 

3. DVRS

 I know, you think they were made for you. Nope, no way, wrong. They're made for people who work nights and don't get to watch good TV until after it's been on for everybody else to see. After a long, maybe kinda shitty day at work, I get so excited when I come home and realize all my favorite shows were on and I can watch them without commercials! Hahaha suckers, no commercials for this girl. 

4. A Sense of Humor

Because after a long day at work, when you're out boozing it up with other servers, you gotta laugh at that one idiot server who just sucks. Or the asshole customers and the evil shit you might have done to them. Or the fact that you're getting made fun of and you need a quick comeback. 

5. Beds

Obviously. After a long night sometimes all you want to do is curl up in a ball and taste your own salty tears while Netflixing your life away. Not that I'd know or anything. There's nothing that your favorite blanket and big pillows can't cure. If you don't love your bed that much, there's something wrong. 

I just love this song. And it makes me happy. Which I need after a long day at work!

Waiting Tables Wednesday w.2

You know what...I get paid to watch people eat. It's weird. I mean, when you think of serving you don't think to yourself "oh yeah, my job is going to consist of watching people eat." At least I didn't, not until another server brought it to my attention. And I haven't forgotten it since.

A couple of weeks ago I was waiting on this nice elderly couple. That's about all that comes into OG, but you still needed to know that. As I was watching these people eat, I noticed that they hardly said anything to each other. Unlike our generation, it wasn't because they were nose deep in their facebook feed. I don't really know why it was.

But it got me thinking. Which I do a lot when I'm working because when we're slow, it's just what I do to make the time pass. Do people ever run out of things to say to each other? Can you be with somebody for so long that you don't have anything left to say? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

I want this.

I can see both sides, because I've thought about it a lot. My first thought was that they were so content in their relationship that they've had together that they can just sit in silence and feel content. I'm a romanticist so I wanted to believe this. I want to believe that people are so happy that they just don't have to talk. I mean, sometimes Blake and I don't talk to each other. And it's not because we're unhappy. I know that some people will disagree with that but to each their own.

Or are they just not speaking to each other because they're unhappy? But they won't get a divorce because they've been together for so long that it's just convenient and easy to stay together. I really don't want this to be the case. I can't imagine just being together because it's what you're used to.

I mean there's always something to say. Whether it be I love you, go fuck yourself, or you're hogging the blankets, there's always something. But isn't there always a story to tell? Do you think people run out of stories? If that's the case, maybe you're around each other too much. But that's an easy fix.

I know that I don't ever want to stop having stories to tell. I don't want to stop talking to Blake.

What are your thoughts? Do you think people can really run out of stuff to say to each other? Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Waiting Tables Wednesday

I know that you all love some good ol' OG stories. I can't blame you. I enjoy reading other people's rants about whatever restuarant they work at. It's a good time had by all. And boy, do I have a story for you.

So, incase you haven't seen any commercials and/or are living under a rock, our Unlimited Pasta Bowl is back. Cue sadness and anger from any OG server anywhere. The people that come out for this defintiely let their freak flags fly. They don't give a fuq. Unlimited pasta for $10?!?!?! Fuck yeah, I'll take 5489461 refills please.

Well, Tuesday night, as I was hungover and serving, my last table of the night came in. And I could just tell. I could just tell that they were pot loving hippies. No shame in their game. I don't really care either way, but sometimes I judge (ok, I judge a lot) and I didn't figure there would be a nice tip in this for me. So, seeing as how I had 2 other tables with the possibility of bigger tips, these guys were at the bottom of the totem pole. But none of my tables were needy so they got good service.

It was a mom, her daughter, and her daughter's boyfriend. I had somebody else get their drinks because I was a little busy at the moment. I went up to their table and just knew that pasta bowl was what they were gonna order. And they did. All 3 of them. Not a big deal. They all wanted salad too. So I brought their salad out and went along with my little routine. I left them be, because honestly, they didn't really want much at the beginning.

As my other tables left, I started to hokey pokey the floor around them and fill my sugars and salt and pepper. As I was hokeying, I saw a pot leaf tattoo on the boyfriend's leg. So it was confirmed. I finally went back and asked if I could refill anything for them. They were still on first drinks, first bowl, first salad, and first bread after 25 minutes. That shit is crazy for Olive Garden. They said yeah and were ready to place their refill orders. This is where shit started being weird. See, you can add unlimited protein options as well, for an extra $2.99. Well, the mom and the daughter didn't get any extras on their first bowl but they wanted to see if they could get some on the second. I told them that if I could it would charge them. I couldn't figure out how to get it on there (I've since learned) and told them I couldn't do it. I honestly didn't want to take the time to find a manager and ask. When they ordered their refills, they told me that they had a gift card and really didn't want to go over that amount. No big deal, I figured it was a $50 gift card.

I continue on with my business. And now they start to ask for refills of everything. I tell them I'll bring them new drinks. They try to hand me their glasses. I'm like, "No, I'll bring you another glass." They fought with me about it until I told them that we were supposed to bring fresh glasses for refills. And then the mom asked for more cheesy bread. Wait what? We don't have cheesy bread. She meant breadsticks but continued to call it cheesy bread for the rest of their dinner. As I'm cleaning again, I hear the boyfriend say "We need to go to the store before they close so I can get the fake stuff. I'm out." I thought to myself, well, good for you for not having any shame and making sure everybody knows. lol.

As they're finishing up I go and get their check. I come back and place it on the table and give them my little check talk. I continue to clean and I hear the mom tell the kids that nice fancy places like this already include your tip in the ticket.

Great, there goes my tip. I listen to her blabber for about two more minutes before I have to say something. I get all polite and say "Ma'am, I don't mean to interrupt, but I want you to know that at Olive Garden, we never put any gratuities on the ticket unless there are 8 or more entrees. We don't want you to feel pressured to tip." She replied with "Oh, no honey, I'm not talking about you." Bitch please! I just heard what you said.

I take their book back to cash them out and they have teh gift card and cash. The ticket was only like $40 bucks. I was confused at this point. Their gift card was only for $25. They seriously thought that they could come in, have two $10 dinners, and a $13 dollar dinner, plus three pops for about $9 all for $25??

At least I got a good laugh.

Why I Better Be Able to Waitress Where Ever I Want

Happy Monday cupcakes.

I had the longest weekend ever possible. Ever.

Server training was this weekend and jeeez am I ready for that shit to be over. I've had to take a beverage test, a menu test, a server test, a safety and sanitation test and everybody's favorite, an alcohol test. And not the cool kind that tells you whether or not you're an alcoholic. No, the kind that asks what to do when people are already intoxicated when they come to eat, or how many beers a shot is equal to. Tests, tests, and more fucking tests. I think I can tell you anything about the OG menu. ANYTHING. I almost cried myself to sleep last night trying to study for the beverage test. So many drinks to know. And of course, I could remember my personal favorites, beer and margaritas, but not a lot of other shit.

3 pages worth of notes front and back. And I wasn't even done. For one test.

I took my first table by myself yesterday. I did decent. I had three tables and after everything was said and done, bussers and bartenders were tipped out...I made a weasly 10 doll hairs. But it's better than nothing. I was so nervous on that first table. Instead of asking if they'd like cheese on their soup/salad I would say "would you like soup/salad on your soup/salad." I felt like an idiot. I've served before so why the nerves? WHY??? But the next table was much better! I even got them to take some samples of wine and they each had a glass too! So my alcohol sales are great. I would be great at serving booze. On a different note though, when somebody is offering a free sample of wine, why would you turn it down? I don't get it. Well, there are some reasons I get, but hello, please pour me all the free samples you'd like! And just so you know, you can get up to three free samples of wine at Olive Garden. Enough to get a good buzz going.

That's how I spent my weekend. Fun stuff, let me tell you. I'm not complaining though. Ok, a little. In the end it will be worth it. I hope.

I signed up for the Itty Bitty Beauty Swap over at Chaotic Goddess Swaps. I love make-up. Not that you would ever know because I hardly ever wear it, but a chance to get some more, I'm all up for that!

My swap partner was Courtney from Air Force Wife & Our Life. She sent me a pretty little package. Everything was wrapped in pink tissue paper...what could be better! 

First she sent me this neat little compact! It's one of the ones where you pick out your own colors to put in it. I didn't even know that e.l.f. made this and I think it's pretty cool! 

Obviously this isn't my picture but I told her I was in the market for a good nude lip color...and I love this one! It looks way more brown in the picture. It's perfect!

A regular and waterproof mascara duo. Schwing!

And this eyeliner pen. I'm kinda nervous to try it. I had a different one once and it was weird. It's literally like ink. I put my eyeliner on the rim of my eye and the one time I used the other one it got all in my eye. But, it didn't hurt Just scared the hell out of me and turned my eyeball black black for a little bit. 

So thank you Cortney. You did wonderful!!

And in other blogger news...this building right here is a Chipotle coming to yours truly! Yes, I've never been to Chipotle. How am I even a blogger? I don't know. But as soon as it opens I'll be in line and then I'll blog all about it. When I get fat, it's your fault.