It's May??

Today is the day! May 1rst. That means that starting today I'm starting my "better choices lifestyle". I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks so I think that I am ready.

I can't handle being at the size that I am. It just makes me so unhappy. I have a lot of clothes that I would love to fit better and I'm ready to wear them! I wanna look hot this summer. And for the rest of my life.

As for eating, well, I'm not going on a diet persay but I am picking better choices. I won't be eating out as much. And when I do go out I won't pick my favorite heart attack from the menu anymore. It'll be smething that's a bit better for me. That means no more shrimp and parmesan sirloin from Applebees. Now it'll just be a plain steak (i know, not the best but it's Applebees) with two sides of broccoli. No more mashed potatoes.  And I'm giving up soda. I'm starting with just one a day but eventually hope to cut it out all together. My portion sizes are also going to be smaller. I've already started this and I can definitely tell a difference in how much I can eat. Last night I had a bowl of soup at work and I felt like I just ate a whole entree. I was stuffed. I realized that eating like the boy wasn't doing me any good. Ahh the joys of relationships right.

I'm also going to be exercising every day regardless of if I feel like it or not. I plan on doing Nikki's 30 miles in 30 days. I was talking to the fabulous Jordan about it and she said that I could even crawl if I needed to. lol. I thought "Do bar crawls count?" ;) I know that I can do this. And I hope to be able to run a mile straight through at the end of May. I know that I won't be in town from the 10-13 but I can make up for the days that I miss. And I also found this and want to try it too.

I know I can do this. And I'm super pumped about it. My goal is to lose two dress sizes by the end of the year. I know that's a long time but I make mistakes and I'm taking them into account here. So let's do it!





And one last thing, I want to participate in this 
I know that today was supposed to be my story and I think that this counts as my story for now. I'm excited that she gave us prompts because honestly I can't blog everyday without any! See ya tomorrow. 

Where's My Nap??

Sorry for the lack of blogs this week. My great grandpa passed away. He's in a better place now and my great grandma was ready to have him back. He will be missed dearly though. He was really sick and now he knows no suffering. Only happiness remains for him. =)


Alright...now for the not so seriousness...this post is brought to you by "Fuck why did I drink so much last night". Yep..girl's got a hangover. Effing tired. 

Yep, there we are in all our glory. Boyfriend would kill me if he knew I took this picture and plastered it on the interwebs. Isn't he precious in his pink and purple blankie. lol.

But I'll do it again. I don't even care. 

This weekend is gonna be crazy for me. I work tonight at 4 and I'll get off around 10...After work I'm making a 4 hour drive to Norman OK (Boomer Sooner!) to see my auntie. We're gonna participate in a marathon tomorrow. Cure for Cancer run by the Susan G. Komen foundation. Ok, we're not running, we're gonna walk it but we'll walk the shit out of it! 3.1 miles...go me. Did I mention that this ish starts at 830 in the AM. Yeah..and we have to get up god knows when to be there on time. Little sleep for this girl. After that I'll drive back home and put on my Halloween costume for a party! Super excited. Well...I was but that wife girl text me and said her costume isn't gonna work out. That's an issue because our costumes go together. Mine won't make sense without hers. -.- So yeah...I'm busy. And pumped!

I have some errands to run before I can leave tonight. And all I wanna do is nap. WAHHHH. 

Peace out homeskillets. Gotta get shit done. P.S...I'll be doing my errands dressed like a bum and it's completely ok. So if you hear about girl dressed in jammies stabbing somebody's eyeballs out it might have been me. KIDDING.

When I Grow Up!

It's Thursday...that means that it's time to link up with Kristen for Inspire Me Healthy/Dream Job today.

 

It took me forever to think of a dream job. I tried and tried as soon as they announced what the topic was gonna be. I even read other people's to see if I liked their jobs. Nothing really struck me as a dream job. I'm not one of those people who's known their whole lives what they want to be when they grow up. It kinda sucks but what can you do. A job is most likely for life and that's a big decision to make right? lol. But as I was thinking of it this morning I realized...my dream job is the same thing it was when I was a kindergartener many years ago. You know how in kindergarten they always ask the kids what they want to be when they grow up and publish it in the newspaper? Ok, maybe they don't do that everywhere but they do it here. And I remember clear as day what I wanted to do.

 

 

Yep, I want to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader.

For 16 years I've wanted this.

It's never gone away.

Unfortunately for me, I'm not tall enough.

 

But that's my dream job. I admire those girls and everything they do. I'm sure

some of you are laughing your asses off and that's ok because

I am too. lol. My dad is probably getting a kick out of this.

Some things just never change.

 

And I realize that most of these girls have other jobs but if I were a DCC I wouldn't.

I would devote everything to it! lol.

I wonder if they need a watergirl???

 

Well, dream job is out of the way. I guess that leaves my progress on Inspire Me: Healthy. I lost alllll kinds of weight....is what I wish I could tell you guys. Nope, nothing. Remember when I said I wouldn't get mad at myself for backsliding...well....I didn't get mad at myself.

 

I woke up Friday feeling like complete shit. See here. So there was no way I was gonna get my workout on. Nope. Not happening. But I did eat good. I don't mean healthy but my portions were right and I didn't snack all day. But then I went to work. And the only thing that made me feel better and be able to get through the night was Dr. Pepper. Yep, soda. Couldn't cut it out. And the weekend...well she was a bitch and I gave in and ate some really terrible stuff but OMG it tasted so good. I love you Taco Bell. And from there on out it was bad decision after bad decision. But I NEVER had a breadstick from work. It's been a full week and I haven't done it! I am very proud of myself for that. So here's to new beginnings...and starting over. =)

 



 

 

I'm gonna go find something to eat now!

Inspire Me Healthy!

I've been thinking about doing this link up for awhile but didn't have the courage to do it. I've told you guys before that I'm ashamed of my weight and my body. But today, I've had enough. I'm going to start being a healthier me. Ok, maybe my goal isn't to get healthy but skinnier. Whatever, as long as I'm happy. lol.

Before I post my picture I just want to say that I'm not fishing for any compliments. I'm not here to hear "You look great" or "You are perfect the way you are." That may be how you feel, but not me. I hate this body I have. I hate hate hate it. Except for the boobs. They could perk up a little though. lol.

 

 

Ahhhh...I just posted a really honest unflattering picture of myself for the whole interwebs to see. And my tatas don't even look that big compared to my prego looking stomach. lol. Yes, I took a bathroom picture because I'm at boyfriend's house and it's the only full length mirror he has. Even if it wasn't I still might have!

So...here are some of the things I'm going to start doing to change myself.

- Portion control. I did this tonight (it's Wednesday) and I felt really good about myself. I didn't eat until I was so full I couldn't move. I just didn't go back for seconds and only had one shredded chicken burger. I will buy a scale and a measuring cup. I will count out my chips and place them in a bowl instead of bringing the whole bag with me. Ya dig?

- No more soda. I promised my auntie that I would quit drinking soda for her because she got it taken away for her chemo. However, they told her that she could have it once a day or in little doses. Well, I've been using the once a day. Not anymore. Water here on out. Or tea. Or juice. Or milk...you get the idea. Preferably no carbonated beverages. *sigh* That includes red bull and beer. I might bend the rules for beer though.

- I will do an hour of cardio 5 days a week. I don't care where I do it...at home, boyfriend's, the gym, outside, but one full uninterrupted hour. Which means I might have to get up earlier or I can't sit around and do nothing all day. Oh well!

- I won't eat bread sticks at work anymore. I work at Olive Garden. I love their bread sticks. They are soooo good. But they're also 180 calories. FOR ONE! And I should probably stop eating their mints too. Ugh. If I have to eat at work...I'll have soup. Just one bowl though.

- I'll eat out less. If I do eat out...I will have a healthier option then my normal meal. So guys...what's "healthy" at taco hell? Because I know that steak taquitos with a side of salsa and nacho cheese is helping that belly look a little more prego every time we eat it. I love taco bell. I really do.

- I'll acknowledge when I backslide and I won't beat myself up about it. I'll just try harder. I'll do better.

- I will do some sort of ab workouts to get that belly to unpudge. lol. Any good ideas?

And here's my last problem...eating healthy. See I don't like a lot of fruits or veggies. I'm a texture person and it just weirds me out. I've wanted to like lettuce so bad...but it's so hard. What are your suggestions for me eating healthier? Even if it's just a tiny bit. Something is better than nothing right?

If you don't hear from me next week it's because I probably died. hahaha. Just kidding. But if I don't link up, don't think it's because I'm not doing what I said, I just feel that I only need to link up if I have something important to share.

So here's to skinny! I'm gonna do it...for me!

I wish this was a joke...

I bought a swimming suit today.....for the first time since I've had my daughter. 4 whole long years. It's a size _______ . (I'm not ready to tell you what size I am). The same size that most of my non-junior size clothes are. And in some places....it was too small  =(. Wanna talk about being discouraged? Because I'm way up there.

I have a problem with my body. Not gonna lie. I know it's my own fault and I need to change my ways and there are no excuses. It's just not that easy. For all of you who are scoffing "Oh, this bitch needs to get over it and just do it.", well fuck you.

See, I have a terrible body image of myself. I see a different person when I look in the mirror. Everybody says that I'm not that big, but it sure does feel like it. I look 5 months pregnant in my head. I know that I have huge boobs so nobody really sees how flabby I am, but I do. And I feel gross. I think about how my stomach looks all day, everyday. It's always in my mind...most of the time the front, but sometimes in the back. But I still know it's there.

Ok, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with being bigger if you're comfortable in your own skin. I think it's wonderful when women can be proud of being a size that society considers "plus-size". However, I can't get behind that for myself. Please don't think that I think every woman needs to be a size 4. I don't feel that way AT ALL.

I don't like healthy foods. I know I should suck it up and eat them anyway...but who wants to eat something they really don't like?? I can't stand lettuce. The texture, taste, smell, and everything about it is just disgusting. And texture is a big thing for me so I'm not a fan of a lot of veggies or fruits. So I have to try portion control. It's not the easiest. Nobody likes to be hungry...and portion control can leave you feeling that way until you get used to it. And exercise....I LOVE LOVE LOVE exercising. But for some reason, I just can't get myself motivated to do it.

I always look at the size of other women. And I always compare myself. More often than not, I'm feeling "Ugh, I wanna be tiny like her." It's not on purpose, it's just what I do. And it's not just once a day. It's all day. Every where I go.

I don't really know why I wrote this post. But I feel better admitting it. I need to make myself feel better. I know I do. I just wish that there was an easier way. I could do lipo....hahaha kidding! But sometimes I think about it ;).

So yeah. I'm not going to ask you what I should do. I know what I need to do. And I'm definitely not looking for "oh, your fine and cute and stuff" compliments. Thank you, but no thank you. Encouragement is welcomed though! lol.

"22 before 22" Update 1

So I've seen a lot of  people posting about their version of their life lists lately. I figured now was as good as time as any to let y'all know how mine is going.

And the verdict is ....Not very well! I don't think I've done one thing on the list yet. Here's my original post.

Ok, I looked it over and I've gotten close to doing a lot of these things.

T and I were supposed to catch lightning bugs tonight per her request but she got sick :(. Blah!

I'm maybe going to add to my star tattoo when I go see my Auntie in about 9 days. I really hope we do add to it. Oh yeah, she has the same star tattoo! We got them together last year after a really great weekend. It means a lot to me and I smile every time I look at it.

They aren't huge or anything but we like them! We just are ready to add to it. I really like this picture

I know that it's different then ours in terms of color but I think we could manage something like this. My aunt likes it too.


I did start running a little bit before Tea's school was over.I was starting to do pretty good for myself about three weeks in. That's when her school let out for the summer though! So now, I don't really know what to do with her while I run for awhile. I'm trying to fiure it out.

And as for drinking less soda.....well I've done pretty effingg amazing! I just started drinking tiny bits again but I quit drinking it all together about 3 weeks ago. I was proud of myself at first but when I started to drink more and more mt dew each day I've gotten a little irritated with me! I need to stop all together again. I know I can do this!

OK....maybe I have done better with my list then I thought. At least I'm making plans for these things now. When I wrote them they were all just things I hoped I would do. I love that I can see how much changing has been done. It makes me feel good.

This was only the first part and the second part will come later in the week. It just seemed like a lot to make in one post and I've got a poor sick little person to cuddle with!

See ya later......And All That Good Stuff.

Happy Sunday

Source: by9.tumblr.com via Ola on Pinterest

Well, it's Sunday. I don't know if that makes me happy or disappoints me. 

I'd say both. I'm happy until it gets dark. And then the disappointment settles in. Why you ask....well, because tomorrow is Monday.(we need to talk about it as quietly as possible to be sure to not ruin the rest

of our Sunday)

Anyway, I had a decent weekend I guess. I worked like I always do during the weekend (although, if I ask off I do usually get the day off) . I like what I do, but I don't like where I work. And I enjoy most of my coworkers =). It just isn't a great place for employees. But, that's for a different post!

I had to start sharing my Saturdays with somebody for the first time in over a year at work. It sucks! I love being the only driver on a Saturday because I make some damn good money! It kinda really sucked. And today was just ok at work. Not very busy.

I don't know if I like sharing my boring weekend with you guys. I now everybody says to be real in your blogs so this is me being real! I'm not very much fun.

After work yesterday Blake and I hung out at home. I wasn't feeling very peppy or happy yesterday =(. Tonight was awesome though. I got off work on time for once! I had dinner with mi madre and I did really good. I'm trying to lose weight so I had a grilled chicken breast with veggies and a raspberry tea. I know, should have had water, but I've had water and nothing else for the past two days and I wanted a little flavor. I didn't even get one refill! Go me. I ordered Blake a chicken fried steak to go. OMG did it look amazing. MMMMM. I could have had if I wouldn't have been so bad at work today. Eeeeekkkk. I don't wanna talk about that.

After dinner I took my momma home and went and got my munchkin. We went to get her some McDonald's. I guess she didn't eat at her dad's. Idk. That's not really surprising. Then we went on to Blake's. We played for a bit and then she went and hung out with his parents. While she was with them Blake and I just hung out. Talked about stupid funny things! It was finally time for my munchkin to go to bed but we had to to rough house. Lol. Have to break the rules from time to time. It was a wonderful evening spent with some of my favorite people.

This week brings the end of school. That's nice to hear, but I'll be bored within a couple of weeks. I'm taking a summer class so this doesn't happen. A lot of work this week too. Actually, I don't work a lot this week! Yay. My sister graduates on Friday. I'm proud. =). I'm off Tuesday, Friday, and Sunday! Yay me.

I hope everybody has a great week and all that good stuff!