On Being Engaged

Being engaged isn't something I thought would happen for a long time in my life. Although I've always dreamed of the day when it would happen.

I couln't ever imagine somebody wanting to put up with my all around moodiness all the time. I'm a difficult person to get along with, I'll admit it. I'm stubborn and stuck in my way. I might have a small temper from time to time. I'm no where near perfect, nor will I ever be. And it seemed to me that everybody who got proposed to was perfect. I thought as I got older, I'd get a little bit more perfect each year and someday I'd be right where I was supposed to be.

I never thought that it would occur at 23 years old. Just when I'm learning more and more about myself and I start to become a little bit comfortable with who I am, but more uncomfortable with not knowing where life is going.

And now it has some direction. Now I know that I'll spend my life with one person who will love me through it all. And I'll do the same in return.

It's an amazing feeling to realize that Blake and I want to spend every day of the rest of our live with each other. The good, bad, ugly, and mundane. All the days. I know that I have a partner and somebody to be on my side. I know that I get to love somebody and make them feel the way I do. Loving somebody may be a little bit better than somebody loving you. They go back and forth.

We've learned a lot about each other in the four and a half years we've been together. We've both grown a lot. Some times with the help of the other, other times not. We've disagreed over things that were small and things that were huge. And we'll keep on doing so. The disagreements are something that helps us grow,especially as a someday married couple.

I guess I just want to say that it's unbelieveable and I'm still on cloud nine about it. I can't wait to start the rest of my life with this man I love.

Happy Memorial Day weekend kids! I'll be working doubles all weekend long so drink one for me!

Listening

Oh man, it's Thursday. My first day off this week. Hallelujah. I love days off. I mean seriously who doesn't? Especially when your job isn't your favorite thing.

So I entered Blake and I in a local contest for the cutest couple blah blah blah. I don't normally do that kind of thing but the winning couple gets a date night out of it. So I figured why not. You were supposed to use a cute picture and I used a simple one because it's just "us". And then I was supposed to write something about us but I suck at that. I can be all mushy gushy but I can't write it in words. Why am I a blogger again?

You see, there's a reason I told you all of that. It's kind of been a rough time over here. Not really bad, but bad enough to make me feel bad. There was a tiff on Friday night and then yesterday morning I got all upset over some news he told me about his work. It wasn't even bad news. It was great news for him. I got upset because it got me started on how I don't like my job and I was jealous of him. I didn't want to come out and say it but I ended up telling him what was wrong. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I wasn't as happy as I should have been about what he was telling me.

Then I realized that I haven't been the greatest girlfriend that I know I can be. I've been all down in the dumps and taking it out on him. He's never said a word about it but I know I've been bitchy and naggy. I realized I needed to snap out of it and focus on being the best girlfriend I know I can be. So today, I'm going to focus more on what he says about work. I don't do a great job at that. And I should. 

His work really matters to him. He loves what he does and the company he works for. I read something, sometime about how a man sees things in a relationship. They want to be commended for the hard work they do for their families. Men see work as a way to help their family out. I don't want him to think that I don't care about what he does.

I'm going to make a better effort at this girlfriend thing. Even though my life isn't where I want it, I have him and he is more than willing to help me get there. I need to be more supportive of all that he does. All of my resentments lately have been about his job. And it has to end. I won't resent the work stories anymore. I won't pretend to listen as I absentmindedly scroll through my newsfeed and instagram.

I may not be perfect, but I can try. Everybody wants someone that will listen with enthusiasm and if I - the one person that has told him for over 4 years that I'll always be hear - can't/won't be that person, who will?