Thursday, December 13, 2012
It's Ok!
It's ok that I had nothing on my mind to write about so I'm linking up with Neely for today. See what I did there...I'm good, I know.
It's Ok
That grey is my color. I love it. Half of my clothes are grey/silver and you know what...Idc
That after 8 days of working in a row, I get a weekend off and don't feel bad about it.
I'm tired of school. School is tired of me too.
At the same time I'm ready for my fun classes next semester.
I make no sense sometimes.
To want to spend money on things but not do it because Christmas comes first.
That I really just want to sleep today.
I'm done not done with Christmas yet, but I'm getting there.
To wish it was Christmas-y all year round. People are just so much nicer.
That's all I've got for today.
What a short post. I suck. But go check out what I want for Christmas. And feel free to send something my way ;)
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Santa Baby
Dear Santa Baby,
All I want for Christmas is you....and this other stuff to. Since I've been good all year, maybe you can talk somebody into buying it for me!
All I want for Christmas is you....and this other stuff to. Since I've been good all year, maybe you can talk somebody into buying it for me!
This is my first collage ever...I just discovered all the fun features of picmonkey! Can't wait to do more.
Ok, this is my casual wish list. Things that I could possibly get.
1. Uggs - yep, I don't even care if they aren't in style anymore. I love them. And I want the tall ones in grey, black, and the color shown. =)
2. Naked by Urban Decay - I won't pay this much for makeup but I really want this one. The colors are super pretty.
3. This bedding by Jennifer Lopez made for her Kohl's collection. I'm not normally a purple fan but this is beautiful! I want the pillows too. The whole set would look great with me in it! I'd pick a favorite but it's hard between the shimmery comforter and the awesome decorative pillows!
4. VS Yogas - I haven't owned a pair of yogas yet. Terror terror I know! I'm hoping maybe these show up under my tree! I'm a slave to comfort and it looks like these are right up my alley.
And this wishlist is for when we win the lottery someday!
1. A new car - A camaro would be nice...but I'll take anything other than what I have right now!
2. A trip to Vegas - It just sounds like a bunch of fun. Day drinking and swimming with no worries. Count me in.
3. A cruise - Someday I will take one of these.
4. The new iPad - I do have a regular iPad that I adore. However, what girl wouldn't want a new one, plus I could give my old one to my mom. haha. I love mine though. I'll keep it =)
5. A big girl camera - I might need some classes to go with it. I love pictures and taking pictures and with a nice camera it would be even better. I'd even take the one on the TSwift commercial right now. That would fit in my purse!
That's just my "If we were rich list" The other list is just enough for me! I love everything on it.
So Santa Baby, when you hurry down my chimney Christmas night, try and bring some of my goodies with you!
Monday, December 10, 2012
But Seriously...
Hope y'all had a great weekend. I know that mine was long and full of...you guessed it...working. Yay me.
This shit is about to get real. I'm about to prove how life isn't all puppies and rainbows over here. I know every blogger wants to seem positive but sometimes we just can't be. And I'm here to prove it.
I wasn't sure when I was going to post this post, but after the shit I experienced yesterday I decided it's time. And after great bloggers like Jordan and Whitney talked about their issues, I can too. I helped Jordan out with my story and I'm thinking maybe I can help others if they hear it.
What's my big secret?? I have depression and I take anti-depressants. Yep, it's true. There's no shame in my game anymore. I choose not to say that I "suffer" from depression because I've chosen to get help so that I don't have to suffer anymore.
I used to cry. All the time. About everything. It took barely anything to get my tears to start and once I started I couldn't stop. One thing would trigger it and then 10 minutes later I'd still be crying. But in that 10 minutes I was crying over 86546 different things. Than 10 minutes later...I'd still be crying. You get the picture. It was so terrible. I'd feel like a failure 99 percent of the time. If I wasn't crying, I was mad or grumpy. Nothing would ever seem right to me.I was always tired. I mean all the time. I would drop my little off at school and sleep until it was time to pick her up. I would mope for days. And then out of the blue I would have really great days. I mean like wonderful wonderful nothing could go wrong days. I was so confused. I thought maybe that I was just tired or stressed out. That nothing was really wrong and I'd be fine after this birthday, that holiday, I got my homework done...etc. And this is pretty much what was going through my mind all the time:
And my momma heart hurt so bad. So bad. I felt like I was failing my daughter. I was so tired of crying around her. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I felt like a terrible momma. And it wasn't fair to her or me. But I didn't realize/want to do anything about it.
That was my problem. As I said earlier, I'd start to feel better. And I didn't want to be 21 and dependent on a pill for happiness. I just wanted to be happy like everybody else seemed to be. This had been going on for awhile. Not just a couple of months. I'd been feeling this way for years. Do you know how hard it is to feel this way for a day? Let alone a year.
Then finally sometime in late October or early November, I changed my mind. I was done being sad. Done crying in front of my little person. I wanted to feel normal. So, I scheduled myself a dr appointment. There was absolutely no judging done from him. I honestly thought that there would be. Remember, I thought everybody judged me. However, I don't feel that he got it enough. But that's for another day. He prescribed me some happiness in a bottle and I went on my way. I took it that night because I'm supposed to take it before bed time and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning refreshed. I still think that my mind was happy so I felt better. I don't believe a pill can work that fast. The placebo effect if you will. But since time has gone on, I really did start to feel better.
So what happened yesterday that made me want to write this post? Well, I'm kinda sorta lazy and I kinda sorta have an issue with keeping up with things. And I proceeded to quit taking my chemically formed happiness, (yes, I make jokes about it) for about 1-2 weeks. And that was the worst decision I have ever made. I've been crabby since Friday but just thought it was the demon getting ready to start. But then Sunday, I lost it. I woke up at 8 and cried until 12. 4 hours of sobbing. Over everything. And that's when I realized that I need to get my shit together and take my damn pill. And that night I took it. Like I will until April when the crazy man wants to take me off this shiz. When I went for my one-month check in, he was like we'll ween you off come day-light savings (end or beginning, I don't know which occurs in April) and I had a mini panic attack. I didn't tell him at that time but I plan on it.
Are there side-effects? I believe there are. Do they out-weigh being sad/mad/angry/hurt/negative all the time? Yeah, some of them do. For some reason when I'm on it I wake up every morning at 3 and stay up for an hour. Weird, I know. But I'll take it. The one thing I'll pay more attention to this time is my emotions. As I was freaking out yesterday I felt like I hadn't cried since I got them. I don't want to be that way. I know I'm a crier and I want to be one still. I'm wondering if I'm living in an emotionless fog and I plan on keeping track of it. Because dammit, I miss crying sometimes. lol. It's my ultimate stress reliever.
Basically what I'm saying is...Don't be afraid to admit something's wrong. If you think you're suffering, you probably are. And there's no shame in getting help. If you wanna talk, I'm here. If you don't want to leave a comment for everybody to read then email me. clovermarie214@gmail.com I'll respond. I'll listen or talk or give advice. Whatever you want. But PLEASE don't suffer in silence anymore. It's not worth it. And you can feel better. Promise.
This shit is about to get real. I'm about to prove how life isn't all puppies and rainbows over here. I know every blogger wants to seem positive but sometimes we just can't be. And I'm here to prove it.
I wasn't sure when I was going to post this post, but after the shit I experienced yesterday I decided it's time. And after great bloggers like Jordan and Whitney talked about their issues, I can too. I helped Jordan out with my story and I'm thinking maybe I can help others if they hear it.
What's my big secret?? I have depression and I take anti-depressants. Yep, it's true. There's no shame in my game anymore. I choose not to say that I "suffer" from depression because I've chosen to get help so that I don't have to suffer anymore.
I used to cry. All the time. About everything. It took barely anything to get my tears to start and once I started I couldn't stop. One thing would trigger it and then 10 minutes later I'd still be crying. But in that 10 minutes I was crying over 86546 different things. Than 10 minutes later...I'd still be crying. You get the picture. It was so terrible. I'd feel like a failure 99 percent of the time. If I wasn't crying, I was mad or grumpy. Nothing would ever seem right to me.I was always tired. I mean all the time. I would drop my little off at school and sleep until it was time to pick her up. I would mope for days. And then out of the blue I would have really great days. I mean like wonderful wonderful nothing could go wrong days. I was so confused. I thought maybe that I was just tired or stressed out. That nothing was really wrong and I'd be fine after this birthday, that holiday, I got my homework done...etc. And this is pretty much what was going through my mind all the time:
 |
| there was no cutting going on though. Ignore that one. |
And my momma heart hurt so bad. So bad. I felt like I was failing my daughter. I was so tired of crying around her. I just didn't want to do it anymore. I felt like a terrible momma. And it wasn't fair to her or me. But I didn't realize/want to do anything about it.
That was my problem. As I said earlier, I'd start to feel better. And I didn't want to be 21 and dependent on a pill for happiness. I just wanted to be happy like everybody else seemed to be. This had been going on for awhile. Not just a couple of months. I'd been feeling this way for years. Do you know how hard it is to feel this way for a day? Let alone a year.
Then finally sometime in late October or early November, I changed my mind. I was done being sad. Done crying in front of my little person. I wanted to feel normal. So, I scheduled myself a dr appointment. There was absolutely no judging done from him. I honestly thought that there would be. Remember, I thought everybody judged me. However, I don't feel that he got it enough. But that's for another day. He prescribed me some happiness in a bottle and I went on my way. I took it that night because I'm supposed to take it before bed time and went to sleep. I woke up the next morning refreshed. I still think that my mind was happy so I felt better. I don't believe a pill can work that fast. The placebo effect if you will. But since time has gone on, I really did start to feel better.
So what happened yesterday that made me want to write this post? Well, I'm kinda sorta lazy and I kinda sorta have an issue with keeping up with things. And I proceeded to quit taking my chemically formed happiness, (yes, I make jokes about it) for about 1-2 weeks. And that was the worst decision I have ever made. I've been crabby since Friday but just thought it was the demon getting ready to start. But then Sunday, I lost it. I woke up at 8 and cried until 12. 4 hours of sobbing. Over everything. And that's when I realized that I need to get my shit together and take my damn pill. And that night I took it. Like I will until April when the crazy man wants to take me off this shiz. When I went for my one-month check in, he was like we'll ween you off come day-light savings (end or beginning, I don't know which occurs in April) and I had a mini panic attack. I didn't tell him at that time but I plan on it.
Are there side-effects? I believe there are. Do they out-weigh being sad/mad/angry/hurt/negative all the time? Yeah, some of them do. For some reason when I'm on it I wake up every morning at 3 and stay up for an hour. Weird, I know. But I'll take it. The one thing I'll pay more attention to this time is my emotions. As I was freaking out yesterday I felt like I hadn't cried since I got them. I don't want to be that way. I know I'm a crier and I want to be one still. I'm wondering if I'm living in an emotionless fog and I plan on keeping track of it. Because dammit, I miss crying sometimes. lol. It's my ultimate stress reliever.
Basically what I'm saying is...Don't be afraid to admit something's wrong. If you think you're suffering, you probably are. And there's no shame in getting help. If you wanna talk, I'm here. If you don't want to leave a comment for everybody to read then email me. clovermarie214@gmail.com I'll respond. I'll listen or talk or give advice. Whatever you want. But PLEASE don't suffer in silence anymore. It's not worth it. And you can feel better. Promise.
Friday, December 7, 2012
Friday's Letters
If yesterday could have been Friday that would have been great. Because today isn't starting off to good. I feel like it should be Monday with the bullshit I'm feeling today. I decided that I'll do some Friday's Letters because of my crabby mood. I wanted to show you guys my awesome Christmas decorations but I want to be in a good mood for that. I don't like to be a grinch.
Dear Bloggy Friends, Wow. You guys are awesome. I love that I have people I can turn to whenever I need to. We've never met but I feel like we know each other so well. Thank you wonderful ladies! Love your face and someday...we will meet!
Dear Friday, I'm actually not excited for you. Normally you bring me some peace and comfort but all you've brought to the table today are money troubles. Thanks for that.
Dear Bank Account, Please just magically multiply yourself this month. I mean I'm not asking for much. It's December and I delight in buying gifts for people. You're making that hard.
Dear Job, I could really use some more hours. Blah. I worked all of two hours on Tuesday...that's not gonna get me very far. And I'm ready for a weekend off again. I know that's when I make the most but I really enjoy them.
Dear Boyfriend, Love you. But we need to decide if you're going to help me with some of these gifts. Like yesterday. I can't wait much longer. And remember when you said you'd pay for my hair...please please please make it sooner rather than later. I wanna look hot for Christmas and your work Christmas party. Love you =) You're the best. And stop worrying about your job. Everything will work out!
Dear Christmas, I say this every year but seriously, in 2013 I'm opening up a Christmas account. I have to. Maybe it will make things run smoother! But I am seriously excited for you. Yep yep yep. I love Christmas!
Dear School, you suck. The end.
Have a great weekend guys. If you need me, I'll be seating people at Olive Garden =)
Dear Bloggy Friends, Wow. You guys are awesome. I love that I have people I can turn to whenever I need to. We've never met but I feel like we know each other so well. Thank you wonderful ladies! Love your face and someday...we will meet!
Dear Friday, I'm actually not excited for you. Normally you bring me some peace and comfort but all you've brought to the table today are money troubles. Thanks for that.
Dear Bank Account, Please just magically multiply yourself this month. I mean I'm not asking for much. It's December and I delight in buying gifts for people. You're making that hard.
Dear Job, I could really use some more hours. Blah. I worked all of two hours on Tuesday...that's not gonna get me very far. And I'm ready for a weekend off again. I know that's when I make the most but I really enjoy them.
Dear Boyfriend, Love you. But we need to decide if you're going to help me with some of these gifts. Like yesterday. I can't wait much longer. And remember when you said you'd pay for my hair...please please please make it sooner rather than later. I wanna look hot for Christmas and your work Christmas party. Love you =) You're the best. And stop worrying about your job. Everything will work out!
Dear Christmas, I say this every year but seriously, in 2013 I'm opening up a Christmas account. I have to. Maybe it will make things run smoother! But I am seriously excited for you. Yep yep yep. I love Christmas!
Dear School, you suck. The end.
Have a great weekend guys. If you need me, I'll be seating people at Olive Garden =)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
December Goals
Since I've written about food two days in a row (shows what I really care about in life) I thought that I would link up with Miss Angie for my final goals of the year...wow...That's weird to say. 2012 is almost gone and 2013 is almost here. Ahh!
Let's Recap
- Buy at least one gift a week for Christmas - I don't think so.
I mean I got a few and I have a lot of ideas. I guess kinda
- Cook at home at least 3 times a week - I did at least twice a week =)
Better than nothing.
- Pay $20 off my credit card every week - Not twenty every week but some. Until Black Friday.
Next time...there will be better research done.
- Find something for the month of December like a Christmas countdown or RAK - fail.
Now looking for something for the 12 days of Christmas that we can do. Not enough planning on my part.
- Keep up with my school work - I don't wanna talk about it. I'm not taking anymore online classes unless I have to. For sure.
- Buy Boyfriend's bday present by November 30 - Didn't happen. Boy buys himself whatever he wants
whenever he wants it. Makes it hard to buy him stuff.
So it wasn't great but it wasn't terrible. I'll take what I can get.
December Goals
- Get Christmas cards sent out by Dec 15
- Enjoy this season
- Start planning resolutions. Make sensible ones this time
That's it. With it being December and the Holidays...I just want to enjoy it. No stress. Ok, that's a lie. The whole season is stressful but I want it to be less stressful. As easy as I can make it for myself and others around me.
Look forward to a post telling you all about the things that 2013 will bring us! I can't wait to do that.
Have a great December!
Look forward to a post telling you all about the things that 2013 will bring us! I can't wait to do that.
Have a great December!
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
My Food...
It's Tuesday and I feel like death. Missouri weather can't make up it's damn mind on what it's going to be like outside and that really irritates me. Because then I get all sinusy and feel like death. 75 and windy yesterday and when I woke up it was 43 and sunny. I don't mind the cold and I'm glad it came but come on, ease in to it so us sicklies don't get sick!
Tonight the kiddo and I were supposed to be in the Christmas parade for my work but I don't think I want to now. I don't want to sit in the cold for two hours when I already feel like death. And yeah, I feel bad about telling her we were doing it and then not going but I think she's ok with it because I told her that we could put up our Christmas decorations tonight =) And that makes me happy! Side note to all new parents or people who might be parents some day *When you plan on doing something exciting with your kids, don't tell them just incase you back out. It doesn't always end well*
I know that all4 of you who actually read this of you fabulous readers are dying to know about my crockpopt buffalo chicken macaroni and cheese! I think it turned out pretty good! However, there are things I will change when I make it again.
Tonight the kiddo and I were supposed to be in the Christmas parade for my work but I don't think I want to now. I don't want to sit in the cold for two hours when I already feel like death. And yeah, I feel bad about telling her we were doing it and then not going but I think she's ok with it because I told her that we could put up our Christmas decorations tonight =) And that makes me happy! Side note to all new parents or people who might be parents some day *When you plan on doing something exciting with your kids, don't tell them just incase you back out. It doesn't always end well*
I know that all
I started off with this recipe but really modified it to make it my own.
Ingredients
- Chicken breats
- 2 tbsp minced garlic
- 3 tbsp ranch dressing
- Parmesan cheese ( I don't know how much I just used whatever looked good)
- Bag of mild cheddar
- 1 3/4 cup milk
- More milk as to liking
- Half bottle Frank's Red Hot Wing Sauce
- Chalula (hot sauce)
You put the chicken breasts, garlic, dressing, 1 3/4 cup milk, wing sauce, and parmesan cheese in the crockpot on high for 3-4 hours or until your chicken falls apart with barely any effort on your part.
After I shredded the chicken I added my noodles (uncooked of course, this is about easyness) and my cheddar cheese. And more milk. And then some more, and a little bit more. Basically you add it until you think it's the right consistency. I added my hot sauce in at this time to. Then continue to cook it on high until the noodles are tender. Tada! Then stuff your face.
Pretty easy, like I said. Now for my changes
- I'm not adding ranch next time
- I'm not using shredded cheese, I'm using velveeta
- More garlic or something of the sort
It just wasn't cheesy enough for me. My macaroni and cheese has to be super super super cheesy. And I couldn't taste the ranch so basically it was un-needed calories and I think it took some of the spicy away.
And my last tip...Crockpot liners. Yep, I just went there. Seriously it's like a litter box liner but for your crockpot. The crockpot doesn't ever get dirty. WINNING.
After dinner it was time for the Christmas parade in the town I live in. It was actually decent and had some pretty neat floats. It was better than the Maple Leaf parade this year! Except for Santa. They had a terrible Santa. He was skinny and you could tell his beard and hair were fake. You could see his black hair poking out. Seriously, in this town we have enough overweight old guys that look like Santa. Pick a better one next year! I'd show you the only picture I took but I don't have my phone cord. Maybe later!
Monday, December 3, 2012
Picky Eating
I was totally going to hop on the Christmas wishlist today. And I was going to create my own Polyvore set to show it to you guys. Then I couldn't make a template look right and couldn't find a pre-made template that I liked either -.-
That's Polyvore - 1, Chloe - 0
So if any of you out there are Polyvore experts please help a girl out.
My weekend consisted of working. In case you haven't gotten it that's what I do most weekends. Therefore, there's never a weekend update unless there happens to be something exciting going on. Not here this weekend!
I've been on the hunt for a buffalo chicken macaroni and cheese crockpot recipe. Do you know how hard it is to find one of those that sounds good?? It's not very easy. Everything has so many steps and all kinds of stuff I don't want in it. Making the recipe harder than it should be. And when it comes to my crockpot, I don't do hard. That's the joy of crockpot cooking, that everything is supposed to be easy. I actually have requirements for this recipe too
- I don't have to cook the chicken before
- I don't have to cook the noodles before
- No veggies
- Not a billion types of cheeses
I'm a little picky. I'll admit it. And because of said requirements, I can't find a decent recipe. So I've decided to use some details from a whole bunch of them and add in my own ideas to. I've never made my *own* recipe before. I'm really good at following them though, so hopefully this turns out ok, other wise taco hell will gain some of my hard earned green tonight!
I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how it went!
That's Polyvore - 1, Chloe - 0
So if any of you out there are Polyvore experts please help a girl out.
My weekend consisted of working. In case you haven't gotten it that's what I do most weekends. Therefore, there's never a weekend update unless there happens to be something exciting going on. Not here this weekend!
I've been on the hunt for a buffalo chicken macaroni and cheese crockpot recipe. Do you know how hard it is to find one of those that sounds good?? It's not very easy. Everything has so many steps and all kinds of stuff I don't want in it. Making the recipe harder than it should be. And when it comes to my crockpot, I don't do hard. That's the joy of crockpot cooking, that everything is supposed to be easy. I actually have requirements for this recipe too
- I don't have to cook the chicken before
- I don't have to cook the noodles before
- No veggies
- Not a billion types of cheeses
I'm a little picky. I'll admit it. And because of said requirements, I can't find a decent recipe. So I've decided to use some details from a whole bunch of them and add in my own ideas to. I've never made my *own* recipe before. I'm really good at following them though, so hopefully this turns out ok, other wise taco hell will gain some of my hard earned green tonight!
I'll be back tomorrow to let you know how it went!
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