Forgive Yourself

It's early November so everybody is updating their goals on their blogs. And I enjoy when they do that. But occasionally it gets me down. See, I told myself a couple months ago that I wasn't going to my goals post. Whenever I Make goals, I never seem to follow anything to get them done.

And it gives me all the sads.

I go in with great intentions but a week later I'm just like yeah whatever. And when I don't complete them I start to beat myself up about it. I don't hold myself accountable enough to complete them. And even though I don't hold myself accountable to get them done, I expect too much out of myself. I don't know how to distinguish between the two.

There's nothing worse than feeling like you let somebody down, except for the feeling of letting yourself down. I give myself anxiety over it sometimes. I tell myself that I'm gonna have half of my Christmas presents bought by the middle of November and I'm nowhere near close. And i was in full panic mode about it for about two weeks. I was stressing myself out and telling myself that I just suck at life.

I don't know how to set goals and go through with them without putting too much pressure on myself to get them done. But I don't even try to get them done half of the time. It's a vicious circle and I don't know what to do to stop it.

I don't even know if this makes any sense or if I'm rambling and talking in circles. I just know that hating on myself for not getting things done is starting to get really old. And I know that not getting things done is getting old too.

So I have a plan. A very small minuscule plan because I don't want to take on too much at one time. If I start at the bottom maybe I can get there.

I'm not gonna talk about it because I don't want to put the pressure on myself too much right now. Just know that I'm starting small. And someday, I'll get to where I want to be.

New Shoes

So I worked this weekend. And I think my feet might have died and fallen off. See, I had to get new shoes on Friday before work because mine look like this.

Why yes, that is a huge hole in the side of my shoe. My pinky toe was sticking out of it. Anybody who's worked in a restaurant for a year can tell you that this is common with shoes. They get worn the fuck out super fast and it sucks. 

So anyway...I grabbed the cutest pair that Walmart had and tried some on. I didn't wanna get Walmart ones but I didn't have time to order from Shoes for Crews so I had to settle. My new ones were super lite weight compared to these. So I grabbed my shoes, some insoles and got the eff outta there before I spent anymore money than I wanted to. 

Then I worked a double on Friday. And by Friday night I thought I was gonna die. My feet were so miserable and I just wanted to take my shoes off. I got home after my double, popped a prescription strength advil that Blake gave me from his dr, and passed out by 10. 

Saturday I didn't have to put the bitches back on until 4. And then I worked until 1130. Again, I was dying. See, I hadn't put the insoles in them yet because I can't find any scissors anywhere. And they don't start to hurt until the end of the night. But when they start to hurt, I turn into a little baby and wanna cry and have everybody carry me. 

And then I worked a double yesterday and wore the shoes without insoles again. What is my problem? I guess I like pain. I don't really know. And I work a double today. Why???

My feet are sure gonna hate me. Did you know that when your feet hurt everything hurts? Well it does, and it sucks. 

Moral of the story...don't buy new shoes if you're going to have to wear them for approximately 25 hours. It's not fun. 

Linking up.

5 On Friday

Cheers to the freakin' weekend y'all. Although I haven't worked a full weekend since that one month we call September. This is my first full weekend back to work. Ouch.

1. So this week I've done really good eating wise. I only ate out one time and it was because I worked a double and didn't have time to go home. Bam! I'm super proud of myself. I've also eaten breakfast everyday this week. I don't know what's happened to me but I'll take it. I also saved some damn money by not eating out.

2. I didn't really spend any money this week which is also awesome. The only things I bought were things for dinner and a pair of work shoes. I need to start Christmas shopping. Ugh. 

3. I did my first art and craft project with Teagan. We had to decorate a feather for a turkey for the bulletin board. In the process I popped open not one, but two, containers of glitter glue all over myself. That's why I don't do art projects =) But it turned out good. Keep in mind, she did most of it.

4. Next week I'm gonna try and have a meaningful post up in here. I was watching Meg's vlog and she said that for a blog to have good writing, you need to take time and think about it. Not just post a blog that you wrote 15 minutes ago. I'm paraphrasing too by the way. So look forward to that.

5. I really need some new fall clothes. I have one pair of jeans that I actually enjoy wearing, lots of leggings that aren't quality, and not very many shirts. I hope Santa reads this blog and helps me out. What are your picks for some nice tops?? 

Happy List

Everybody loves to be happy. Le duh. And if you don't, well, I'm truly sorry about whatever has happened in your life that makes you want to be unhappy. But that's neither here nor there.

I was going through my blog roll on Monday night after I got off work, and of course I was reading Stephanie's blog. Her post that day was her happy list. I told her that of course, I was going to make one. I don't know if you were around then, but back in August of last year, I did the same thing. You can see it here. But since I have grown as a human person and as a blogger I'm gonna do it again. What makes me happy is constantly changing.

- All the puppies and the kitties. But mine the most
- Blogging
- Comfy pants...sweats, pjs, leggings
- The blogging community
- Concerts

- My family
- Taco Bell
- Being organized. I'm not organized, but when I am I feel all the butterflies of happiness.
- Fresh clean clothes
- My hoodie

- A good hair day

- A made bed

- Tv

- Acts of kindness. Random or not.

- A crisp fall day

source

- Sleeping in

- Fuzzy socks

- Surprises

- Falling hard into a good book. Which I haven't done in awhile. Suggestions?

- Glitter and sequins and sparkle and shine

source

I need that to happen everyday please. 

What makes you happy? 

Linking Up.

Swapoween Recap

I'm a terrible blogger! I signed up for the Swapoween hosted by the lovely ladies over at Chaotic Goddess Swaps. I was supposed to have this linked up by yesterday but my weekend was kinda crazy you know. Womp womp.

I got paired up with Brittany from Extra Frosting Please. She sent me a super cute package and even put some awesome Halloween themed scrapbook paper on the box!

see...super cute and fun!

She sent some awesome gifts as well. And she did even better because she sent Teagan some stuff too. 

Included in the package were

- a beautiful bracelet

- some fun glitter stuffs. I'm gonna use it as eye shadow

- a pumpkin face scrub

- and of course some candy

- and other fun things!

Public Safety Announcement

Happy Monday I guess. It's time for me to go back to work. And the rest of you too womp womp. Why is Monday so cruel?

My weekend...well it was...interesting I guess. We were supposed to do some of this

But instead we got to do this

Why you ask? Well, my Auntie's lovely mustang ended up being in an accident and getting totaled. Blake and my uncle were the only ones in the car and they're both ok. Blake has a super sore neck and thought he broke his collar bone but he's good. Kinda. It could have been worse.

So instead, we watched The Conjuring on demand, ate some pizza and drank some beer. And we had a pretty good night. Unfortunately, I don't have any pictures to show you.

I feel bad for my Auntie who didn't get to have her big 50 blowout. But we did end up getting together for a nice lunch. We had a ton of laughs and I'm sure we almost got kicked out of the restaurant. =) We'll try again sometime though.

p.s. Always wear your seatbelt.

Linking Up

Friday's Letters

I made it through my 5th Halloween as a mom. It never gets any easier if you're wondering. I always feel like a 98 year old woman after it's all said and done. But it's fucking Halloween so it worth it!

Let's get to the letters.

Dear Teagan, last night was our first time "offically" trick-or-treating. And I loved it. Yes, you wore me out. Yes, you drove me a little crazy. But you had so much fun and that's what matters. Next year, we'll do even more and do it even bigger. Thanks for an awesome night. Love you bunches.

Dear Commenters, I promise I'm not ignoring you. I promise. I have a billion e-mails that need to be answered but every time I start I get over whelmed. I just need a day off to do all the blog things.

Dear Anxiety, you've been getting the best of me for about a month and a half now. I haven't told anybody until this week. I think I drove my mom crazy with my freak out about Christmas. I'm not prepared in any way. I don't even have a clue what I'm getting my daughter. Ugh.

Dear Work, I'm pretty sure you hate me. I know I've been absent a lot but that's all about to change. And since I'll be there more, that means I'm gonna need you to um ya know...get busier. It's been way too slow and momma needs Christmas monies please!

Dear No Shave November, well hello. My boyfriend has a completely bald face right now and I can't say I love it. Nope, not at all. I need his beard back please. Shannon and I are OG beard lovers so now I feel like I'm fronting. psh. I'd say this means I don't have to shave my legs, but please, I haven't' done that in months.

Dear Weekend, you're my last weekend off. I'm ready to celebrate like no other. Why am I celebrating you ask? Well...

Dear Auntie, happy 50th birthday!!! I know that you're not really that old. Ok, maybe you are but you've never acted like it and I admire that. I'm ready to celebrate with you and have way too much fun! Plus, we get an extra hour of drinking. Woop woop. The bars close in OK at 2. We're going out Saturday night, the same night as the time change so when it hits 2, it's really only 1. I love you so much. =)

Linking up with Whit too. Blake played DJ last night and played this jam. I say that it's on T.I.'s best cd ever. Enjoy.